My Favourite Mistake

He’s the one person I’ll always remember, even if we never speak again and the one person I’ll always love, no matter how much he’s hurt me.

No matter how much I loved him or how much fun we had together…he was a mistake. And I know that. Sometimes I won’t admit it. But there comes a point when you just have to face the truth.

We went out for four months. He was the kind of guy who didn’t care about what other people thought. I had never seen him upset about anything. He was always smiling, always laughing and always in a good mood. He always managed to cheer me up when I was having a bad day. I had never met anyone like him. He was different from all the other guys I knew. He wasn’t afraid to speak his mind and tell me what he was feeling and I loved him for it.

I barely knew him for two weeks when he asked me out. But everything about being with him just felt right. Our relationship might not have been ‘perfect’ but I wouldn’t have traded it in for anything else in the world. I had an amazing time
with him and no matter how much it hurt at the end…it was worth it.

It took me a really long time to get over Michael. It was the most painful thing I have ever had to go through and it hurt a lot. Those three months were torture for me. Even though I broke up with him, it seemed like he had broken up with me. He had moved on and I just couldn’t understand why I hadn’t. I had never felt so strongly about any other guy. I really, really loved him.

I still remember the night he asked me out. It was just the two of us. We had been walking around the neighborhood, talking about random things that came to our mind. That’s what I loved most about being with him. I could be myself. I could say whatever I wanted to say and didn’t have to worry about him judging me. I knew he wasn’t that sort of guy.

When the two of us had run out of things to say, there were a few seconds of awkward silence. And then, out of nowhere, he asked me out! I have to admit I was completely shocked. I really wasn’t expecting it. But Michael has always found his little ways to surprise me. On our one month anniversary we spent nearly four hours together, just roaming around the neighborhood. That was our thing¬-roaming around the neighborhood, hand in hand, making sure we didn’t get seen by any grown-ups.

After a while of walking around, we sat down on a bench at the end of the neighborhood where no one really went. And that’s when he gave me the necklace. It was such a pretty necklace, with a heart shaped pendant, and I loved it. More than that, I loved him! I had figured that he wasn’t the kind of guy who liked to give gifts, but once again he had worked his charms on me and surprised me….like always!

From then on, that bench became ‘our place’. We met there everyday for at least an hour before meeting our friends. I loved our daily meetings. Even when we didn’t talk much, just being in his arms made such a difference. My day just wasn’t the same without seeing him. I knew it was love from the start.

I’ve had two boyfriends since then. The first one isn’t even worth mentioning. We went out for a week and then broke up. I don’t know what I was doing with that guy because I knew I still had feelings for Michael. I finally did get over Michael. And that’s where the second guy comes in. Ryan. He had been my best friend since Michael and I had started going out. He had been with me all through my relationship with Michael and all through the heartache. I loved Ryan. He was an amazing guy and I finally felt like I had met someone who would never hurt me.

Of course, I was wrong. Ryan did hurt me. He broke up with me two and a half months later. I still don’t really know what went wrong. We barely talk anymore…even though he said that we would still be the best of friends.

But I guess that’s life. I broke up with Michael when I was still in love with him and then got dumped by my best friend. Life is unfair that way. Now I am trying my best to get over Ryan. And it hurts a lot. But somehow, no matter how much I love Ryan, I know that it will be a lot easier for me to get over him, than it was to get over Michael. What Michael and I had was different. He was the first guy I fell in love with and no matter how much he has hurt me and no matter what kind of guy he has changed into now, I’ll always love him. Somehow…I can’t say the same for Ryan.

I don’t know what it was that made my relationship with Michael so special. I still remember every little thing that happened during those four months. Those are four months of my life I will never be able to forget, no matter how hard I try.

Michael was definitely a mistake. Ever since we broke up he has put me through a lot of pain. But even if he was a mistake, I’m glad it all happened. I wouldn’t change any of it. During the past eleven months, I have gotten my first love, my first kiss, my first real heartache and amazing memories. And it’s all thanks to Michael. As for the pain he has caused me? I grew stronger every time he yelled at me and every time he spread rumors about me. I wouldn’t be who I am today if it weren’t for him. A part of me will always love him, even if he is a jerk now.
People change. He taught me that, too. Michael is no longer that cheerful guy I knew eleven months ago. He’s almost never smiling. And he’s never hyper, unless he’s been smoking or drinking. Michael changed. And it really upsets me. But it’s not something I can control.

I’ll never really understand why I broke up with Michael in the first place. I don’t know what was going through my mind. I had been getting a lot of mixed feelings. Whenever something really small went wrong, I turned it into a huge issue. A part of me was a little scared that one day Michael would realize that he could do a lot better than me. I felt our relationship was going nowhere, and even though it probably could have been sorted out, I didn’t think, jumped to conclusions, and broke up with him. But like I said, I’ll always love him. He was a mistake. But people make mistakes. I’ve made a lot of mistakes. And Michael was my favourite one.