Application for Saddam's Hangman

Application for Saddam’s Hangman

Name:
Address:
Age:
Religion:
Current Occupation:
Pre-war Occupation (if different):
Phone:
Best time to reach you:
E-mail:

Are you related to Saddam?  If so, please check all that apply.
____ Wife/Ex-wife
____ Mistress/Former mistress
____ Son/Daughter (Legitimate)
____ Son/Daughter (Illegitimate)
____ Grandson/Granddaughter
____ Great-grandson/Great-granddaughter
____ Parent/Step-parent 
____ Grandparent
____ In-law
____ Uncle/Aunt
____ Nephew/Niece
____ Cousin
____ Pet
____ Other

Are you a former employee of Saddam?  If so, please check all that apply.
___ Pimp
___ Prostitute
___ Food taster
___ Personal shopper
___ Personal adviser
___ Torturer/Executioner
___ Dungeon Master
___ Bomb maker
___ Bodyguard
___ Member of the Armed Forces 
___ Mural Painter/Statue Maker
___ Hagiographer
___ Hit man
___ Hairdresser/ Mustache waxer
___ Chauffeur
___ Cabinet member
___ Spin Doctor
___ Physician 
___ Other (Specify)

How long did you hold this position?  ____
Were you made to take it against your will? ___
Were you fired?  ___
If so, did you barely escape with your life? ___
If so, were you able to get another position? ____

Please check off all that apply.  Saddam Hussein:
         ___  Married me/my family members
         ___  Raped me/my family members
         ___  Incarcerated me/my family members
         ___ Tried to execute me/ Executed family members
         ___ Tortured me/family members
         ___ Bombed/Gassed my people
         ___ Ruined my reputation
         ___ Bankrupted me
         ___ Turned my family against me
         ___ Took petty revenge
         ___ Humiliated me on a casual basis
         ___ Humiliated me on national television
         ___ Stabbed me in the back (literally)
         ___ Stabbed me in the back (figuratively)
___ Made me dress up as George W. Bush and dance the Funky Chicken at dinner parties.
___ Gave me a nervous breakdown.
___ Left me physically disabled.
         ___ Other (Explain)

Note: In the interest of time saving, we are not going to weigh crimes committed by members of Saddam’s family.  Doing so would only complicate matters and make it impossible to execute Saddam in this century.  Thus limit your complaints to Saddam only.  Thank you.

How long have you had the desire to execute Saddam Hussein?

If it were up to you, describe the ideal method of executing Saddam Hussein.  Please be brief.

Is this the same method he used on someone you knew?

What do you hope to gain from participating in the execution?

Is there anything else you feel we should take in consideration while evaluating you?

Thank you for completing this application.  We understand that this may have brought back traumatic memories.  If so, please seek appropriate help.  Due to the large volume of applicants, we are unable to respond to individual inquiries at this time.  You will be notified by either phone or email when we reach a decision.