A Moment with Santa's Reindeer

“Dasher! You idiot! Stop eating the candy canes! They’re for the children!”
“Sorry, Blitzen. I didn’t mean to. They just looked so good…”
“Uh-huh. Yeah, right. You knew full well they’re for the kids. You just wanted to steal them for yourself!”
“Guys! Please, stop arguing. This won’t get us anywhere. And Santa’s coming back soon.”
“Oh, shut up, Rudolph. Old Glow-Nose. You’re just Santa’s little brown-noser. Well, red-noser, actually. Ha, ha!”
“It’s not my fault, Donner. You heard Santa tell you why. It’s just a genetic defect or something.”
“Yeah, you’re a genetic defect.”
“I am not!”
“Yeah, you are!”
“No, I’m not, Vixen! At least I didn’t get caught in an elf’s bedroom. What were you doing? ‘Making toys?’”
“Be quiet, you little suck-up! I wasn’t doing anything in that elf’s room. He was some kind of creep.”
“You guys, shush! Santa’s coming back!”
“Oh, you shush, Comet! Who cares if Santa’s coming back? He knows what a little Santa’s pet you are, anyway. You and old Glow-Nose.”
“I’m warning you, Dasher, one more comment like that…”
“Don’t you mean ‘comet’?”
“For the last time…”
“Oh, just put a hoof in it, Rudolph. I swear, I don’t know why Santa keeps you around. Big deal—one bad night, and you’re out there leading the way with your big old flashlight nose. Hasn’t anybody ever heard of portable flood lights?”
“You’re just jealous, Dancer. You nearly made the sleigh crash. Remember?”
“Shut up! I did not!”
“Yes, you did, Dancer. All of the toys nearly went kerflooey. You know how mad Santa would have been then? You would have been reindeer steak.”
“You don’t know that, Comet. And besides, you’re the one who tripped over your own hooves the year before that. Bet you don’t remember that.”
“Guys! Why are you arguing so much? We need to be ready to pull Santa’s sleigh.”
“And that’s another thing, Glow-Nose. We’re not all guys. Do I look like a guy to you? They don’t call me ‘Vixen’ for nothing, you know.”
“Yeah, you’re conniving and sneaky.”
“I heard that, Cupid! And come on! What’s up with your name? Are you the god of love now? Boy, isn’t that a laugh!”
“At least I’m not named after a fox like you are. You’re the farthest thing from it. It’s a carnivore, remember?”
“Come closer, Love-Butt, and I’ll show you how foxy I can be! Come on! These bicuspids aren’t just waiting around!”
“Ssh! You’re being so childish, anyway. What if Santa hears you?”
“For the last time, Comet—shut up! Nobody but you and Glow-Nose care about what Santa hears, anyway. You’re Santa’s pets, both of you.”
“I am not!”
“Whatever, Rudolph. Who else would ‘light the way for Santa’s sleigh’? Nobody else cared! And now you’re the one immortalized in that stupid song. Well, let me tell you one thing, Glow-Nose: none of the other reindeer like you!”
“You’re just jealous, Donner. You couldn’t light the way with a flashlight in both hooves!”
“Eek! Santa!”
“Hi, Santa! No, we were good while you were gone. Weren’t we, guys?”
“And girls.”
“Oh, yes! And girls. We were good, right?”
“Yep! Couldn’t be better!”
“Yeah. I just love all of you guys. Even you, Rudolph. I hope you light the way this year, too!”
“Thanks, Blitzen. I love you, too.”
“Oh, good, he’s gone! I would rather you light the way as a big, flaming bonfire, Glow-Nose!”
“Yeah? Well, same to you, Blitz-Face! I hope you fall out of your harness!”
“Oh, no, here we go again…”