Dad Is Important Too

"Hurry up!!!" These words hit me and chased the foggy essence from my brain. My memory told me that I prepared for this. All I have to do is get the suitcase that we filled weeks ago, throw it in the car, jump in the drivers seat, get the engine revving and go!  Wait, I missed a step, better get Sheila into the car too, Oh yeah and call the doctor, what else?  “Hurry UP!!!” This time her voice has a determined urgency unlike I have ever heard before. “This can’t be good,” I think to myself. I get her in the car and off we go.

    The 25-minute trip to the hospital normally seemed short, but tonight -- I am driving with one hand. My right hand has completely lost all sensation but pain! The essence of Sheila’s complete being has pooled up in her left hand and literally is squeezing the life out of my hand. Where did all this strength come from? I try to calm her down as her contractions continue to wrench my arm from its socket. I feel totally helpless, she is scared, in serious pain and the trip has already lasted hours. I find myself trying to remember the route, what is the fastest route?  By now I have run three red lights, I feel so unsure now, am I going the right way? Will we make it in time? Will everything go all right?  What if Dr Donahue doesn’t make it? Am I going crazy? Do we have the slightest idea of what we are doing? Whose idea was it to have a baby anyway?  I just realized, I  never want to go through this again!

    Sheila and I decided almost two years ago to name our baby girl Amanda. We talked about Amy, Renee’ even Valerie (yuk!), but we knew Amanda was the right one. Now I would not have been so nervous this night under normal circumstances, but a year ago, Sheila was in her third month and something went terribly wrong. She was bleeding and had severe pain, not your normal third month type stuff. She called me crying and we rushed to the hospital ---- Sheila came home ---we were dejected --- I felt as if a baseball bat had just landed against the side of my head.

    She was no longer  pregnant and we had no baby! You see, we were so excited; this baby was our whole life to come. We stayed up many nights talking about our baby and what it meant to us. We both wanted this so badly! Now there is a big hole in my heart and we are both speechless. What do you say at a time like this? I am remembering all this as I help Sheila out of the car and we head toward the emergency door. I can’t stand the thought of anything going wrong this time!

            Well, you can imagine my demeanor as the receptionist asks seemingly stupid questions and wants all the I’s dotted before we get admitted, never mind the fact that we came in and “prefilled” out the paper work to bypass this crap!  I look at Sheila’s cringing face, the tears welling up in her eyes and say, “this is enough!”“ can’t you send this stuff up to the delivery room and I can sign it there?” Well they looked at me like they never thought of that option, and said sure we can do that. Finally we are in! A small amount of comfort has settled into my brain. I whisper quietly, “this is the place to be if something does go wrong” I will not leave her side no matter what, but I am a little nervous about the delivery, hope I can handle it. We make it to the room, barely get settled in and a head pops around the corner, Dr Donahue --- Sheila’s face lights up. Well at least she feels better! 

            Ok, this is all coming back to me, I am holding her hand, and I sound like a choo choo train as I breathe with Sheila. The Lamaze stuff is working! I feel like I am making a difference, I am ultimately “there” for my wife and our new child. I will help guide our little girl through life right from her first breath! Suddenly there is her head --- and everything happens quickly now. One last push, simultaneously the baby is in Dr Donahue’s hands and the look of accomplishment and joy spread across Sheila’s face, she relaxes and smiles at me, My heart grows large as a Melon, my throat locks up, I couldn’t speak a word, I smile back.  It was so worth it! Our life seems so full now.

            Now there are millions of people running around, carrying pads and pans and “stuff”, I hear clanking noises and happy voices all talking at once. They are crowding around Sheila taking care of her every need.  I am watching them cut the cord and Dr Donahue picks up our baby, looks up at me and holds her out to me. As I reach for her, someone brings a silver pan full of warm water over to me, Dr. Donahue looks me in the eye and says, “she needs her bath”. I take her in my arms, I whisper “hello Amanda, I am your dad” I lay Amanda in the warm water and wash the remnants of delivery from her pink skin. It is surprising how calm and peaceful we both are, our bond began right there.

    Amanda trusted me as I gave her the first bath, she did not cry or shiver. She seemed comfortable as I wrapped her in the blanket and held her tight. I looked over and my eyes locked onto Sheila’s she had a proud look as she watched father and daughter in awe of each other!! That was 26 years ago! Amanda, you will always be my little girl, no matter where you go or how much you age!!      Love Dad.