The Adventures of Bob and John

“The Adventures of Bob and John”

On a small but busy street in Manhattan, New York City, two businessmen ate lunch in a crowded restaurant. The buzz of dozens of voices surrounded them as they finished their hamburgers. One of these businessmen, Bob Bobsven, had asked for extra ketchup, but the hamburgers were otherwise identical.
Bob was wearing a black suit with a “Looney Tunes” tie, and bright red socks could be seen above his untied shoes. He was thin and tall, his black hair blending in with his suit. He was the owner of an up-and-coming corporation, which designed and manufactured high quality toothpicks that came in six different colors and five different flavors. He was working on making a reusable toothpick when his inventors went on strike, demanding a 10% employee discount, a large raise, and more cream in the coffee room. Needing money for the raise, he invited a bank employee to lunch, after which he would give him a tour of his business. The bank worker would make the decision whether or not to give Bobsven a loan, and therefore invest in the reusable toothpick idea.
The bank employee, John Smith, was of average height, shorter than Bob. He was also very thin, as if he did not have the money for food, but his expensive clothes gave the impression that he got hooked on Slim Fast and couldn’t stop. Contrary to what many people believe, his blue suit, tan tie, green shoes, and white tube socks went together well, something that had to be seen to be believed. His blonde hair was combed over, despite the fact that he was not balding in any way. His business-like attitude contrasted Bobsven’s cheery but nervous attitude.
Halfway through his Happy Meal burger, Smith began his interview. “So you think that your business is worth the bank’s investment of $2,384.59?” he began in a serious but monotonous tone, as if he interviewed business owners daily. In fact, he only interviewed them Monday through Saturday, which would make anyone wonder how he got so good at it.
“Yes, I think that my company will make so much money off this idea that the bank will be paid off before the year after a decade from 2:45 PM tomorrow. I am hoping to pay the bank off in a few months, but you never know. I will give you a tour of the building later. It’s in Brooklyn,” said Bobsven, smiling cheerfully.
“Why, then, are we eating in Manhattan?” shouted an irritated John Smith.
Bobsven whined annoyingly, “This is the only McDonalds in the area that has frosties on sale $0.49 cheaper with any $1.80 or more purchase.”
The table’s waiter came along at that time, his nametag reading “Carl Personson.” His Ronald McDonald costume obviously was not making him feel any better about his nonexistent wedding ring. He spoke in a nasally voice, “That will be $24.99, sirs.” The two businessmen each left a twenty-dollar bill on the table and left. Bobsven barely remembered a $15 tip. He could not remember whether it was supposed to be $15 or 15%, but he decided on $15, just to be safe.
The two got in Bob’s car, a ’98 Toyota Corolla painted pink with glitter thrown over it. He had won it in a Barbie sweepstakes. He made it to his business, Toothpick Bob, in twenty minutes and thirty-four and a half seconds.
Bob was known for his short and violent temper. Along the way, the sound of car horns, loud people on cell phones, airplanes, helicopters, and a train aggravated him so much that he blacked out for a few seconds and almost crashed. This happened often, so he was used to almost crashing and dying. John wasn’t, so he fainted of fright and needed to be awakened at the door. The doorman, Jerry Doorlinger, brought a bucket of ice water he kept under his desk and splashed Smith.
Jerry told the businessmen that it was 2:45 PM, which was forty-five minutes after the interview began. Once Smith got inside, his curiosity and lack of a good attention span got the better of him and all he did was poke through cabinets and desks, paying no attention to Bobsven’s ravings about his company.
“You seem to like lemon scented Febreeze, seeing as it is all over this hallway,” said Smith, interrupting Bobsven.
Bobsven seemed delighted that he had noticed, and said, “I’m delighted that you have noticed. I replaced the water in the sprinklers with it, so as long as we do not have a fire, we have nothing to worry about.
As he spoke, smoke could be seen through the other side of the hallway, and a few minutes later, everyone in the building was drenched in Febreeze. Smith had not noticed, busy stealing gum from someone’s desk. Bob dragged him outside, and Smith said, back to his business-like manor, “I am afraid I must deny your request, as I seem to get the impression that your company is burning down.”
At this point, sick of Smith’s behavior and angry at his denial, Bobsven yelled and chased Smith down the street, shouting violent threats. The chase went on for quite some time, until Bob tripped over his untied shoelaces and fell down a sewer hole. Both of his arms and legs were broken. He then realized that he had just lost his only chance of keeping his company, for without the loan, it would go out of business.
Two weeks later, Toothpick Bob closed its doors, and Bob realized that, on top of losing his company, wealth, and the ability to move for the next few months, he had learned a lesson! With indescribable horror, Bob realized that he had learned the lesson that temper will get you nowhere.
Unfortunately, after Bob recovered, the doorman, angry at being laid off, broke Bob’s legs with a crowbar and threw him into a ditch, where he would be found by angry wolves.