Thoughts Thought Whilst Running

Ah what nice fresh air. It isn’t that cold out here. Nice crunchy gravel under my shoes. I wish they weren’t so white and bright and clean. I hope they get nice and dirty so they won’t stand out for miles. Ooh I’ve got a bit of a stitch now. Great. I wonder what I’ve eaten…did I eat anything in the last two hours? I don’t know; it was all a big blur of daytime TV and doing art homework and putting wood on the fire when I got cold. And unhealthy food. Well, there was that packet of chips…and the fudge…and the Chai tea…oh and then I went and raided the ice cream…oops. Ouch the stitch is really hurting now. Come on. Breathe in. Breathe out. Hooo haaa hooo haa. What’s that? Is it a car? I wish my hair wouldn’t blow in front of my face like this YIKES that truck came close! ROAD HOG!! Man! Truck drivers think they own the place! Owwww my stomach. I think all my insides have mooshed all around and swapped places because my stomach feels very very close to my throat. Ooooh my stomach. Stitches are bad. My knee hurts. Shut up you stupid dog!!!! I’m trying to run here!
Ok. Slow down a bit. Bleargh how come going down hills feels worse than going up? All the contents of my stomach are squishing against each other. Ooh I can feel that ice cream. That’s not good. I hope no one sees me…I must look horrible. Talk about run yourself ugly. Yuck. ~sniff~ I need to blow my nose. Help I don’t have any tissues in my pocket. Man it’s freezing out here. My arms have gone numb. And my knee has gone numb where there’s a hole in my jeans. I mean, what sort of person wears jeans when they go for a run?? I’m an idiot… oh I hate going down hills. At least uphill they stitch kind of goes away although then everything else starts hurting…okay. Just stop and rest a minute… ah. It’s nice here sitting on the road. I like this road. It’s nice and flat and hard and black and unassuming. You wouldn’t mistake a road for anything other than what it is. And it’s nice to sit on when you are exhausted from running. I’ll hear any cars that come before they get here. Well, it would be nice if the cows would just stop staring at me and go back to their own business. As you were, gents. No, really. They are staring at me and mooing! Hello? Haven’t you ever seen a girl before, sitting on the road with her hair out and all over the place, wearing jeans with a hole in the knee and a bright green top and who doesn’t seem able to breathe? Where have you been? Obviously you need to get out more! Man I still can’t breathe. I think the tube that gives air to my lungs is blocked somehow. It must be, because my lungs don’t feel very aerated. The wind is whistling very loudly in my ears. Maybe I should get up soon. What’s that noise? Sounds like the wind…argh help it’s a car!! Quickly stand up and get off the road. Go on, dude, keep driving, I’m okay, I’m not having an asthma attack or anything, no matter how dead I look. Oh well now I’m standing up I guess I may as well keep running. Ouch everything hurts. Bad idea. Besides, I can barely run against the wind anyway. Talk about gale force. I could probably lean forward and it would hold me up, it’s so strong…okay, bad idea. Won’t do that again. Now my ankle hurts. Maybe I should just power walk for a little while. Okay, maybe now. It hurts my legs. Waaah I can’t run! How am I going to get home? I’m so stiff and sore and exhausted ouch I can barely move! Hey, where are you going? Stupid idiot, stop walking. I can’t believe it! I’m walking! If I knew what was good for me, I’d stop right now and build a signal so a helicopter will see me and rescue me before I keel over. Oh well. I’m walking now. May as well keep going. Just concentrate on breathing. In … and out. In…and out. This was a very bad idea. Oh no I’m getting up to the neighbour’s house now. I hope they’re not home from school yet. What if they see me? Oh well. Too bad I guess. They’re the ones who’ll be scarred for life. Come on. Breathe. Oh help I’m gonna die I’m gonna die I’m gonna die just keep saying that repeating it frantically makes me feel a bit better I’m gonna die I’m gonna die I’m gonna die I’m gonna die! Ok I’m dying I’m dying I’m an idiot I’m going uphill and I’m dying and the flax just whacked me in the face and I’m dying I’m dying I’m dying I’m dead I’m dead I’m dead I’m dead I’m dead I’m dead I’m dead. I died. It’s not funny. I hate running! I will NEVER enter a marathon. What sorts of people do this kind of thing for fun? Running all over the place by FREE WILL?? Get a grip! NEVER! I solemnly swear I will never ever run in a marathon. Well, okay, maybe I might, but not for about five years not until I stop DYING every time I go for a run. It’s unhealthy. Yay the driveway! Only half a kilometre until I get to my house. Hehe. Oh no it’s the savage Dobermans out to savage me! Heeelpp! Ah, good the neighbour’s swearing at them. Good, they’re going back into their yard. Phew. I like dogs, but not the savage next-door Dobermans. They are SAVAGE. I hope he didn’t see me either. It must be annoying having to yell at your dogs every time someone runs past. Yes! I’m nearly there! Just … three…more…steps! Come one! You can do it! YES!!!! Okay, I’m going to go and die in peace now.