Chapter 2

Morning seemed to come too quickly for Christine. Grumbling, she rolled over and pulled the blankets up over her head, trying to will her alarm clock to stop blaring. The lyrics of some heavy metal song blasted through her room and her head at ear piercing levels. She reached her arm out and slammed her fist hard on the snooze button. Sighing, she peeked out from under the blanket and squinted against the morning brightness. The red digits on her clock radio pulsated the time back at her. 9:30 am.

'Come on lazy, get your fat ass out of bed or you're gonna be late.' she thought, groaning as she sat up. She learned a long time ago to move slowly in the morning, because the sleeping pills always seemed to make her feel hung over. She pulled on her robe and popped a couple mints into her mouth to cure the cotton like dryness of it. She slipped her feet into her slippers and scuffed over to her computer to restart it and connect it to the internet, then headed to the kitchen.

Chris grabbed her favorite mug, filled it with bottled water, dropped in a tea bag and put it in the microwave for 5 minutes. Then she scuffed to the bathroom for her morning shower and body inspection rituals. Slowly, she disrobed in front of the full length mirror and stared at herself. She went over her reflection carefully, as she did every morning. Her black shoulder length hair hung as limp and lifeless as ever. Her face was pale and her brown eyes seemed sunken in more then usual. Her lips were cracked and pale.

Slowly, with contempt, her eyes traveled down and settled on the boney body that she still thought of on some level as fat. Her ribs, each one completely visible under her pale skin, and her hip bones were glaringly obvious. With a deep sigh, she looked herself in the eye and said aloud in an almost robotic voice, "I am beautiful. I love myself. My body is perfect the way it is." She chuckled sarcastically as she glared at herself.

'You know, that shrink of yours is crazier then you are. What utter bullshit he has you say.' The inner voice scoffed. 'You're a bloated, ugly toad and everybody knows it. Words will never change that.'

Christine clenched her eyes and turned away from the mirror. She got into the shower and blasted herself with hot water until her skin was crimson and she felt faint from the heat. The smell of coconut shampoo and floral body wash assaulted her senses as she scrubbed herself hard. Turning off the water, she got out, toweled off and dressed quickly, glad for the steam that blocked the mirrors. She quickly brushed her hair and went to the kitchen to finish fixing her tea. It had been only 10 minutes since she first placed it into the microwave. She tossed the tea bag into the trash and added sugar and non-dairy creamer, quietly stirring the strong brewed drink. She absently tapped her nails on the microwave cart as she stirred. Picking up the cup, she took a careful sip, hoping to not burn her lips again.

Chris jumped when the phone rang and broke the silence. "DAMMIT" she sputtered, wiping at the stain her slopped tea had made on her blouse. 'Good thing it had time to cool off.' she thought, reaching for the phone.

"Hello?" her voice edged with irritation.

"Christine? Are you OK? Took you a long time to answer." Christine clenched her teeth and rolled her eyes. 'Oh great, just what you need to fuel the fire.' the inner voice chuckled.

"Fine mom, it only rang three times. I was making a cup of tea." she replied, lighting a cigarette.

"Oh I see. Still drinking tea huh? You know, the caffeine will make your nerves weak Christine. Maybe you shouldn't drink that and then you wouldn't need all those pills you take." Her mothers voice seemed to cut right through her head. "Was that a lighter I just heard? Are you smoking again Christine?"

'Maybe if you weren't such a b...' she bit her tongue hard to stop from her thoughts aloud. She rolled her eyes and slammed her Zippo on the table. Did the woman have nothing better to do then annoy her? Taking a deep drag on her cigarette, she cleared her throat. "Mom, please, can we not go there again?"

"Well Christine, I worry about you. I don't think you take good enough care of yourself. You know, your body is a temple for the lord..."

"Mother, please. You know I don't believe in.."

Her mother cut her off. "Well, maybe if you did, you wouldn't be so messed up! Why can't you just.."

"Why can't I what mom?" anger creeping into her tone. "Why can't I be more like you? Normal? Without a care or worry?"

"Christine! That's not what I meant and you know it. Why must you be so difficult?"

"Crazy you mean."

:No. It's just.. Your body is your temple and a home for the Lord. You poison it with caffeine and cigarettes and it's no wonder your being punished."

"Wow mom, thanks. I feel so much better now," she chuckled, snubbing out her cigarette.

"Don't take that tone with me young lady. You don't eat, you poison yourself with pills and such. I worry about you spiritually too." her mothers voice began to take a higher pitch as she spoke. "Why don't you come over next Sunday and we can go to church together? You really need..."

Christine cringed and cut off her mothers words with an edge of sarcasm in her voice. "Well mom, I don't think your Lord would ever want to inhabit this poison pit of a temple anyway. This temple is officially closed. I gotta go. Give my love to dad, Bye." she hung up before her mother could respond. She sighed and went to sip her tea, but her mother had annoyed her and gotten her ulcer flared up again. She dumped her tea in the sink and slammed the mug onto the counter.

"WHY does she insist on giving me grief?" she wondered aloud. 'Because you're an easy target? Weaklings always are.' her own mind retorted.

She glanced at the clock and gasped. 10:15 already. "Shit," she growled as she stomped over to the dryer and pulled out a clean blouse. She quickly changed it and ran to the bathroom to brush her hair again. 'You're never on time.' her mind complained at her. 'Better hurry. You have rituals to perform and a 30 minutes drive to see your crazy people doctor.'

Chris grabbed her car keys as she rushed out the door. She quickly walked around the car, inspecting all the tires as she went. 'You and your damned OCD. What a freak." her mind kept badgering her with ugly words as she got in and started up the car. Then she got back out, nerves frazzled, and checked all her lights and looked under the car for any possible fluid leaks. 'Why do you do this crap? Do you honestly think it makes you safer?'

"STOP IT!" she yelled at herself, getting into the car and jamming the seat belt buckle into the slot. She yanked on it 3 times hard to be sure it would hold, then adjusted the mirrors three different times to be sure they were perfect. Glancing at her watch, she mentally figured how long she had before her 11:00 appointment. Twenty minutes left to make a thirty minute drive. In the back of her mind she could practically hear the inner voice cackling with glee as she realized she was going to be late. Again.

Sighing, she put the car in gear and started out of her driveway. 'Can't you do anything right?' she wondered as she started down the road.