Joke

Go ahead, put me off as nobody
Put me in the place of the fifth wheel
Don't bother taking me seriously
I'm the star you'd never point at in the sky
Even on the clearest night
When I try my best to sparkle and shine

My eyes are only brown
Not a sparkling blue of the ocean
Or an emerald green of a rare diamond
To some, brown is the color of dirt
Walked on everyday, by everyone
Who lives, breathes, speaks
Though I believe brown eyes are deeper
And so much more mysterious
They have far much to tell
So much more to hide

I feel the position in the reigns of a shadow
I ask myself some questions
Do I pull people close?
Then do I end up pushing them away?
Am I only feeling sorry for myself?
Do my vibes give off bouts of insecurity, self pity?
Are those the reasons why I'm always so much farther away
Even when I'm right in their presence?
Maybe I hold too many grudges
Complain a little bit too much
Somewhat too much
Those are only a few of my visible flaws

Every wanted opportunity I receive
I always end up resisting to fulfil
My confidence lacks miserably
My nerves are far out of control
Overthinking destroys everything
I'm right back where I once started
I'm not going anywhere

Suddenly, I feel it again
I find myself left out
Maybe I'm too boring
Yet I'm told I'm so kind and happy
...Am I just a joke?