now

well its 10:51 pm on a saturday night and i am still sitting in this damn hotel. to bring irony into play castaway is on. this is the kind of confusion that i like. i mean everything makes since but nothing is for sure. so how is that? everything makes since. yet nothing is for sure. see most people think that life, their life, is being planned out by them. well you are sadly mistaken. come on think about it. your whole life you have made your own choices but is your life were you wanted to be. Hell no! now not that this is a bad thing but your still not were you thought you would be. see life is controlled not by you not by me but by the whole. what serves best for man kind. now what that is i dont know nor do i know if what i am saying is actually right. i mean come on does anyone have the right to tell you what to do or say. is the reason you are still reading because you are expecting an answer. well i am not being depressing i am being a realist. even if i thought i was making the right decision as a kid it was only the wrong thing for later life. i dont get it. i try to make it and i dont fail i just dont suceed enough to win better then top ten. now i am going to go on for a while about this so go grab some coffee or take a smoke break and you can either pick up were you left off or just leave now and not try and question your life or your beliefs and live the way you think you should and never have an open mind... not saying my writing is enough to help an open mind but always keep it open.

so today is just as i put it a downer. things could be better but could also be alot worse. i am sitting here in new orleans hoping i can get a house. i wasnt here before but i wanted to make good of my situation. plus it was paid for by some one else. so when you wake up in the morning do you know were you are going to bed or do you work to get back to were you woke up or are you trying to get a new bed but keep ending up in the same bed. take a minute and think about what that means. see many people, not knowing, keep working to get back to that same bed. which means they never get a new bed because they dont realize that beds can be bigger. now is that good or bad? does working until you get a new bed over and over again show you are a better person or just a happier person. does it show you are better than other people or are you compinsating.

these questions unfortunatly come into everyoness head with out notice. think about it. the last time you drove threw a better neighbor hood than yours what were you thinking. man i like that house. i want that house. i hate rich people. stupid lawn art. why do they show boat there show boat right in there lawn i mean come on he has a two story garage put the damn thing in there.

so does this make you better than them or worse. alot of this is not to make you feel bad or feel good but just to make you think... there is nothing better than haveing to use that damn noodle in your noggen.

well its now 11:15 and i still havent impressed my self. well most times you think your doing the right thing yet your not getting were you want to be so that means the wrong things in your head were the right things to do. so then how did that neighbor hood get better than your neighbor hood. how did they do the right things or did they do the wrong things too. is it that they are luckier than you or were they already in this neighboor hood just a different house. see people dont just get were they are without something extra. some were given that extra something others already had it in them. but anyone can get it. its called letting go. you have to be ready to give up everything to take it all. what i mean is to get were you want to be sometimes you have to start with nothing and work with nothing.

let me explain how that works. see every day you think if you dont come home to that bead your are doomed but thats not true. if you sold everything and took all the money you got for it. and paid off all of your debt you would be at nothing. some people would be less. some people would be more. what i am saying is you need to get to nothing or more. once you are there get the crappiest stuff neccisary. did you know you dont need an ipod to survive. thats right you dont need any of that. so lets recap you have nothing but your job and the basic necessities to preform that job. such as transpertation a crappy one at that. a place to sleep an even crappier one for this. some way to keep hygene good cause no one likes to work next to some one who stinks. now thats it. thats right nothing extra... so you live like this for years maybe 3 or 4. take all of that extra money you made during this time and ponder ... is this what you realy needed. cause you can now get what ever you want. thats right. you saved enough to get what you wanted. but what was the cost? was it worth it? will you be happier with it or would the last 3 to 4 years of your life worth more. have you realized that the last 3 or 4 years of your life were pretty easy to cope with or was it harder. all i am saying is think about it. do you need it or can you do with less. does that bed to night need to be bigger or can it stay the same. make your own decisions. dont listen to anyone else. why are you still reading this. this is to get you to realize you need nothing but your ideas and your self. now everything i am saying here seems like i am just talking about you but i mean your significant other also since he/she is part of you. your kids are the same. so teach them that they dont need anything. now dont go punishing them just show them. take them to the beach. thats right the beach... there is nothing there to play with but waves. take them to the woods and go hiking. thats nothing. take them to the mountains and take pictures so you can save the memories of nothing. now go put those pictures in a photo album. a realy nice one to save your memories sence you have the money spare no expense.... why? you can easly make a cheaper one. or just stick them on a wall in the place you stay. call it the memory wall. that in it self can take up time and it shows your kids they needed nothing to do all of those things but the little gas money you used. i lived in a house that had a hole in the floor big enough to crawl threw. i know you dont need nothing to survive. so dont give me no crap about this story. one of the best saying came from some one who had the nice neighbor... the more money the more problems. so just grow up and be happy.