Present Tense

I walked in the rain today
Thinking about my normal
Questioning, trying to redefine

You, the one with the sweet voice and laughing eyes,
You were my present tense
You were my defintion
You were my meaning

How sad is that? How beautiful?
"The mundaneness of life made special through love"
I remember saying that to you
The waterfall of words falling from my mouth
in the late night fire light
You sitting, listening to my spontaneous poetry
Stroking my hair, kissing my neck

Even later, after the intimacy had disappeared into the namelessness of what we were
You defined me
Defined by our drives on winding roads in North Georgia
Up the coast of California
Over the High Sierra
Around to the point of Cape Cod
Through the streets of Chicago, Boston, New York
Down the coast of Florida
Hiding out north of Seattle after 9/11
To the interior of Alaska where you found home

We drove, music playing.
Those times we were
We were
Driving
Singing
Talking
Laughing
Dreaming of our future drives

Now I drive alone listening to the music I used to hate
I cry. I scream. I smile. I laugh.
I wonder if I will survive this.
You, who were suppose to be here to hold me during these times
You promised me you would be here.
But I'm here alone.
I ask for help and noone answers in this horrible city with no stars.

Time to drive on.

Isn't it interesting that everyone is gone.
All my friends. And you asked me to stay all the while wanting me gone.
And so you died to get away from me. You died. Dead. On the floor for me to find you.
Swollen and cold. You couldn't just let me leave.

Noone thought I was good enought for you. I know because you told me in your brutal honesty.
Sue, Glenna, Sally, Debby, Jan, Jenny, Mary Ellen and countless others.
I loved you though. I loved you more completely than any other person.
Our past lives crashing into the present.
Our present tense.
I discovered in seconds.
You are my present tense.
My present tense is dead.