A Slave to Loneliness: Empty Heart

My heart appears quite worn in places and has lost much of it's magic that so delighted at one time. I have suffered from the excessive heart-aches which have darkened my soul. I wanted to detach my self from life and fall away entirely. i began to realize that is you could remove the anger and hurt that I have caused you, you would reattach my life and hope of loving you. There is narrow path between the accumulation of pain and hurt and the pure lovedisengaged from the contingencies of the past. I have depended heavily on my instincts instead of what my heart really holds. Love always disappears behind a heart, mostly by accident and not by choice. I cannot tell you how I feel, how much tenderness and indulgent goodness there is in you. No one but you would think and speak as you do, I am enchanted by what you say because it is you who say it. How many more days will pass without you in my life. It may seem like to much right now, but I would like to consider various options, how much the decision to forgive will change your life for the better. Willing to forgive me only if you can be assured that if you forgive me I will change. Forgiveness is not a bargain or negotiation, it's not a trick to control the other. Forgiveness is a risk, we don't know what the result of forgiveness will be. Forgiveness is an essential step in the process of healing. I have made some adjustments for the sake of clarity. I didn't know what I was doing, I was lost. I didn't feel capable at the time, it seemed to much what I was trying to get away from. looking for justification for my torn and broken heart. I beg you to lay deep in my heart, for I feel no space for me in your heart, another removal from reality. When I leave your heart I feel lonely, I look into your heart again and again. You are more and no less than a wish, a dream, a hope. It is difficult for me to believe in love, as a result you have changed my hopes. When I peer more closely at your heart I lose confidence in what I am seeing, I disappear into the shadows, swallowed up into darkness. Only if your emotions and feelings were not banished but transformed into love that will heal my broken heart. Softly come toward me, smile with my smile. where are you now, in Heaven, on Earth? I am here far from you. I would feel much better if you were next to me. I can't pray any more and I weep less often. Tell me from the other world, from paradise, from the clouds, from where ever you are, does my love console you? Suffering is placed immediately before my heart, my heart twists in agony, heaving with pain. How will I endure the fire in my heart and the tears in my eyes. In silent my heart hides, no longer can it look upon love, with my sorrowing eyes the tears try and wash away the pain. In silent I persevere, out of my heart you did leave, in my heart silent screams, in silent I loved thee, in silent I told thee not. In silent my heart whispers to your heart...