My Last Day in Town

The following is taken from a journal and several conversations with witnesses to the events that had taken place.
Every year the City holds a carnival called Heritage Days, celebrating the great heritage of the 15,000 person town. This magnificent heritage includes a rail-way that was mediocre one-hundred years ago and some famous train that drove past our town one time. That was the heritage that this town celebrated and held this cheap carnival over. The following takes place during Heritage Days and on my last day in the town I grew up in.

12:00-1:00 p.m.
At noon I left the local McDonald's I had worked at a year ago, heading toward the uptown area where the carnival was at. My friend Alex was with me, and we had no particular mission but to just hang out and see what type of adventure could develop. The craziest and skankiest of all adventures start out that way. In a town where the majority of people call this carnival "Skank Heritage Days", it isn't hard to find an adventure among the local white-trash folk.

Unkown to me, right across the street from McDonald's is an old friend pushing a baby-stroller. A crossed-eye, buck-toothed guy named Greg drives his rusty Impalla past her but slams on his brakes when he notices who it is. In the passenger seat is some kid who Greg had promised to give pointers on how to pick up girls. Greg warns his young apprentice to remain quiet as he commences the operation to hook-up with this girl. "Hey, baby," he says out the car window, "D*mn!" He softly smacks his friend in the shoulder, "I'd hit that all night, wouldn't you?" As all quotations in this story they are all accurate with two unbiased witnesses if I was not present. Being not present in this situation I understand how outrageous this sounds, but then I realize who the person was who said it and then realize he truly believes this could get this girl to hook-up with him. This girl, as you'll soon find out, is a huge skank-whore, but still didn't bite into his bait, it was that pathetic.

As for Alex and I, we don't make it five yards into the festival before running into Lacy, a girl I never dated but would have (along with anyone else) in a heart-beat. She is with her 12 year old sister, who is wearing baggy pants with just a hint of gothic thrown in. My friend and I try to be polite in the conversation and keep our eyes on Lacy's face, because her shirt had a picture of something cool on it obviously. Out of nowhere in the middle of our innocent conversation Lacy's 12 year old sister just blurts out, "I have small t*ts, so stop looking!" No Joke! This girl needed therapy or suicide, one of the two. The next five minutes are torture for Alex and I as we struggle not to look at that little kid. I use my experience and wit to find a way out of this situation by exclaiming in an obvious improvised tone that Alex and I had something important we forgot about. Lacy asks what we forgot and I think aloud, but by thinking I mean, "ummm... well... ummm..." As I make a fool of myself I glance to her little sister, HER EYES, and recieve the scariest look I have ever seen (I nearly cried tears of blood). Alex quickly saves the day by making up the cheapest excuse about needing to beat the dead-line to sign up for the karaoke contest. Not sure if the two bought it or not, we really didn't care and just take off. With relief from escaping the torture I wipe my eyes, not from sorrow but from that stinging eye contact with Lacy's sister.

A few blocks away TJ is relaxing in the loft above his garage. Lighting up a Winston he just plays his PS2, minding his business. Feeling good about his day he just takes it easy, leaning over, to turn on some music. He plays some rap music on his CD player and goes back to his PS2 game. Out of nowhere TJ's older brother Sam kicks open the door and yells, "That better not be n*gger music!" Sam goes through a fit of rage and tosses the CD player against the wall, leaving TJ to ask, "What the h*ll just happened?" As quickly as Sam came in he leaves just the same, with "The Loft" in a mess and TJ having no clue what just went on.
For some reason Alex and I actually go to the karaoke stage and look over the song book, neither of us intending on singing. "Hey pals," that voice tells us that it has to be HIM, without even having to look. Karl is wearing his helmet, but his moped is nowhere to be seen. "Where is your moped, Karl?" Alex says, nearly laughing. "My ride?" Replies Karl, with a twinkle in his eye. "They wouldn't let me in with it so I had to leave it in the alley." Probably regretting it I still ask the question, "So... why are you wearing your helmet, still?" As if I gave him the Mormon gospel he just looks up and says he just forgot he was wearing it.
Still sleeping this late into the day Kyle snores on the couch at Amy's House. It's just like every day for the past 2 weeks, sleeping and eating. Amy walks in the front door with a bag of groceries and finally gets fed up with it. She taps him with her foot but he just rolls over to his side and mumbles some obscenity. Trying to yell at him from the kitchen where she puts away groceries he just covers his face in the blankets and ignores it. Unfortunately this wans't the only frustration for Amy, because it all begins with a knock on the door. She tells Kyle that by the time she gets done answering the door he better be off that couch and in the shower.

Though Karl had long left us we keep getting stopped by people who completely annoy us and seem to have a goal to make us angry. When the last of them leave, who just so happens to be Karl again, we are just ready to leave this cursed karaoke stage and hang out with TJ. Ready to leave and go back to our lives we are interrupted one last time, making me wish it was by Karl. I look up with wide-eyes at two Mexicans stomping toward Alex and I. The one I recognize just got out of prison for nearly killing a man in a bar-fight. When they yell for Alex I know that this is going to get worse than if Karl had rode in here nude on a horse. The bigger of the two grabs Alex by his shirt, spits in his face and says into his ear, "I'm going to kick your a**."