untitled and unknown - first installment

PART ONE

of bliss it all once were... a happy togetherness and hope for tomorrow everlasting...

...it all once were...

...a dream into reality...



CHAPTER ONE: HIS AND HER CIRCUMSTANCE

"girls, hurry up!" craig shouted up the stairs. "we're gonna be late!"

"awww! you're such a nagger." mischa shouted back from their rooms. "besides, it's better to be late. we'll make such a grand entrance at the biggest party of the century."

at this, all the boys rolled their eyes, well, that is except for benjamin - you can hardly get a response from him anyway, except if you are sam, that is - and craig who growled. they had been waiting for the girls to come down for more than thirty minutes now and being the person that he is, his patience is wearing thin. what is it with girls and dressing up? they're at it for three hours now and they dont seem to be finishing anytime soon.

"mischa!" he growled, starting to come up the stairs.

"all right, all right! we're coming down now. you really have to learn how to be more patient, you know." mischa sighed. he really is pissed off right now. then she smiled, looking down at her dress. ciara outdid herself today. the girls is very contented on what she, ciara, had concocted for them especially for this party. 'i just hope this'll be enough to cool him off.' she thought.

she was the first thing he saw and his jaw dropped, literally. she was wearing an off-shouldered see-through dress which clungs to her every curve and exposes her midriff. she has a chain around her stomach with cherry blossoms dangling from it, in varrying lengths. she had her hair in a cute bun with some of her curls escaping, framing her face. she was blushing, as by the look in his eyes as he surveyed her. there is only one word to describe her - angel.

she knew he was scrutinizing her and the look in his eyes made her go crimson. she smiled shyly as she looked around the room and realized that it is not only her man that is in a daze. 'good work, ciara! we're off easy this time.' she thought. 'better go shake these guyz up or else we'll never be able to leave.'

-------

when she came down the stairs, his first impulse was to kiss her. she looked so pretty and confident as she walked with sam to where he and benjamin where standing. he looked sideways at his companion and was surprised to see the same serious expression he always wore. until he noticed the fire in his eyes and realized that he, benjamin, was also susceptible to the beauty of a woman - his sam, to be exact.

"hi eli." ciara greeted him, giving him a peck on the cheeks. "you like my dress?'

he smiled cockily at her and said, "no." and grinned some more when she pouted at his answer. God, she was so beautiful!

after a moment, she regained her composure. she knows she looks beautiful, she can see it in his eyes that he thinks the same way. but two could play that game. she smiled seductively at him and said, "is that so?" she winked at mischa standing across the room, knowing that the girl knew exactly what was going on through her mind. she cleared her thoat and then said out loud so the rest of the gang could hear, "girls, time to say your goodbyes now. it seems like we're not appreciated here. why not go out and find someone else who does?" the girls cheered their assent. she turned back at the shocked eli, and fluttered her eyelids, "bye hon. see yah later. be sure to have fun. i know we will." she winked at him and she threw him a kiss.

the other girls followed suit and went out the front door, leaving the men stunned at the living room. that is again except for benjamin who slowly walked to the door and waited for the others to follow. when they are still not capable of speech, much less of movement, he sighed and followed the girls out of the door.

-------

"you dont think i look pretty in this dress?!" ashley exclaimed as she stared unbelievingly at the man she is dancing with. she dont know why she cared exactly, didnt even know why she accepted dancing with him in tthe first place. just looking at his smug face makes her blood boil.

the men were able to catch up with them five minutes after they had started their walk to the party with craig ready to kill just about anybody who annoys him. he was ready to snap when they passed some kids who were playing a little too loud when mischa held his hand and his temper went significantly down from boiling point.

"who said you look good in anything?" zach scowled, raising his eyebrows. "you can make a really interesting dress turn ugly."

she narrowed her eyes at him. somehow, she knew he was lying - she saw him gape at her when he first laid eyes on her that evening - but his words stung. she was never the type to dress up for a guy, even if she really, really likes him. but zach is an exception, THE only exception. and she gets that kind of reaction?! 'damn this stupid relationships where you dont know where you stand! damn this feeling altogether and this man!' she thought as she bit her lips to fight the tears.

her felt her tense on his embrace and saw the tears starting to form. 'damn! blew it again!' he thought. he touched her cheek and said in a serious tone, "dont you know by now that i have a way with words? geez, woman, you know i always think you're beautiful."

'since when did i get so emotional?' she thought as she felt anger rising up her chest. 'i should have figured that he's toying with me again!' maybe because its the time of the month or because of the green monster erupting inside of her as she kept on catching him look at kaye that made her tick off, but whatever it is, she knows she wont take it this time. she stopped abruptly amd pried his other hand off her waist. "im going to the bathroom." she said coldly to him and turned to leave.

"where do you think you're going?" he caught her arm before she got a chance to walk away, making her face him again. "why are you such in a bad mood? i said i was just kidding."

"havent you been listening? i said i'm going to the bathroom." she shrugged indifferently, her sudden change of tone catching him off guard enabled her to release her arm from his grasp. "there's kaye. go dance with her while i'm gone if you like. not that i care anyways. sheesh! what am i saying? its like i'm giving you permission to dance with someone and we're not even together!"

she rolled her eyes when he wasnt able to respond to this then walked away.

"what was that all about? i said i was kidding! sheesh!" he said to himself, stalking to the bar, clearly needing a drink to think. he didnt realize that he was going to the same spot where kaye was standing.

'i thought so...' ashley thought tearfully, turning her back from him again.

-------

"you still angry?" mischa asked her boyfriend as they waltzed around the room. craig was still scowling, throwing daggers at the people within ten feet of them. he ignored her question and continued to look everywhere else but at her.

"one, two..." she started to count under her breath, her patience is also running out. well, who wouldnt? you spend hours trying to look gorgeous for someone then that some completey ignores you!

an idea flicked on her mind, then she smiled. 'no way is he going to continue ignoring me after this.' she mused. they were dancing, his hands on her waist, nose in the air, as if daring anyone to come near them. that was a problem for her plan since he's a head taller than her. then she came up with an answer. she moved her hands from the back of his neck to his chest, looking at him as he looked down on her, surprised by her sudden movement. her hands slowly went up to his collar and used this to pull him down roughly, her lips making contact with his, then she kissed him with all the passion she has. for a moment, he just stood there, stunned by her sudden display of affection - she was never the one who encourages PDA - but then he relaxed and replied to her kiss with his own.

after a few hours (a/n clearly i am exaggerating), they parted for air. she then buried her face on his chest, her face crimson as she placed her hands around his neck again.

"what was that for?" he asked, the deadly stare replaced by a twinkle in his eyes and an amused tone on his voice.

"figured that's the only way you'll notice me." she said, her voice muffled by his clothes.

"who said i didnt notice you?" he asked, raising his eyebrows.

"for one, you look everywhere but at me..."

"well, its your fault." he snapped. "why did you wear that dress in the first place?"

"i thought you'd like it..." she pouted, downhearted by his words.

"like it?! i love it! same as any other man in this room! believe me when i say that there had been at least ten men who wanted to interrupt us while we were dancing."

'so that's why he was glaring!' she thought. she could hear the jealousy in his voice. she smiled. she wondered up to how much she could push him. she looked in his eyes, keeping the shy look on her face and said, "why didnt you let them?"

"are you serious?!" he barked, causing a few couples in their vicinity to look at them. "i'm not sharing you with anyone." he added silently as he pouted, looking away. she suppressed her laughter. 'he looks so cute!' he looked like a child who wasnt keen on sharing his toys.

"excuses. if i knew, you're just using that excuse to scout for other women." she suppressed another laugh as she saw anger flash in his eyes.

"why you?! who said i wanted anyone other than you?!"

at this, she gave him another brief kiss, turning crimson again at his words. he was so simple, it amazed her sometimes. he would just say anything that comes into his mind. not that she was complaining that much. "you better keep your eyes on me, then." she whispered. "or i'll be forced to find someone who will."

he tightened his arms on her waist, crushing her to his chest. "i'm not letting you go." he whispered into her hair. she smiled, closing her eyes to the rhythm of his heart beat.

"so kawaii!" ciara said softly, video cam in her hand, taping the lovebirds in front of her.

-------

"why is she here again?! until now i couldnt quite grasp the concept why you, my bestfriend, of all people, invited her?!" ashley asked in clenched teeth as she watched zach and kaye laughing at the bar.

"you make her sound like a bad person." sam laughed at her. "you really should try to befriend her. she's really nice. she had her faults but still, she is nice."

"that's not my question!"

"no need to shout. i heard you. and i answered you already. again, for the nth time now, its all because of my brother, christopher, who desperately wants to date her." sam said, rolling her eyes at her bestfriend.

"where is he anyway? and why did he leave his date flirting around with some other girl's guy?!"

"she's not flirting! they are just having a good time." sam was laughing at her again. "he forgot something at home and he went to pick it up. lighten up, will you? you're the one who left your date, i mean your guy, at the dancefloor."

"blech! he's not my date! and he's certainly NOT my guy! he kept looking at her anyway. why should i bother?" ashley pouted, still throwing daggers at the two.

sam just laughed at her. there's no way she could talk some sense to her bestfriend while her mood is like this. she leaned her head on benjamin who has an arm wrapped around her shoulders. "dont kill me. i didnt start anything. you did. you were the one who first said he's your man." she said, still laughing.

"i'm going home." ashley suddenly said, standing up. "just tell them i left." and without another word, she took off.

sam just sighed and looked at benjamin. smile plastered on her face as she studied the handsome face of her man. he doesnt like talking much, but when he did, it just makes her knees feel like jelly. and she didnt care how seldom he talks anyway. she feels safe with him, knowing he's just right beside her. she could spend all eternity just sitting side by side with him. he was her real happiness. and he told her once that she was his.

she looked at his eyes that had always carried deep meaning. one look in them and words are no longer necessary. she found out about his love through those eyes and been very happy just gazing through them. but now, as she gazed into his', her smile broke.



CHAPTER TWO: ACHES OF THE HEART

"she just came home?!" zach growled. its been two days since the party, and he hadnt seen ashley since then. he had been so worried and wondered why is he the only one. they're on vacation on a foreign place, for crying out loud. she might get lost. "who's she with anyway?! why didnt she ring us even just to say she's okay?!"

it one o'clock in the afternoon and they are lounging around the house when ashley came home with a big smile plastered on her face. she greeted the sam who is in the patio reading a book and excused herself saying she's going to bed. sam raised an eyebrow noticing the spring in her heels as her bestfriend walked. 'she in a really good mood today.' she mused. minutes later zach came hounding on her. apparently, he heard that ashley just came home and that she was the only person she talked to before disappearing into her room.

until now he couldnt understand what got her so ticked of that night that she left without him. he hadnt even seen her since she went to the bathroom. he had been so surprised when they all met before going home and noticed that ashley wasnt with them. he was even more surprised when sam informed them that ashley left early. he knew she is not one of the party girls but she always made an exception when she was with them.

"calm down, zach." sam said, a smile playing on her lips. she dont understand why those two still havent officially hooked up. they're already acting like a couple, why not make it real? it would save them both a whole lot of trouble and not to mention screaming matches. "she called me after she went home the other night that she met a friend from a couple of years back. she didnt say who, though. seems like one of her friends when she still lived in california."

"and she just came home?!"

"relax zach. she's grown up now. she can take care of herself. and besides, she looked like she had a good time." she said, turning back to her book. "you can ask her later. just let her rest for now."

she heard him take a deep breath, clearly trying to calm himself. he sighed and then sat at the railings in front of her.

"by the way, where's benjamin? i havent seen him since that night, too." he eyed her carefully as he noticed her tense up. "are you okay?" many things seemed to have happened on the party. first about ashley, then with benjamin and sam. he raised an eyebrow as she forced a smile on her face, opening her mouth to speak. "dont tell me its nothing. i know you better than that." he interjected before she got a chance to speak.

she sighed. true, he knows her. he's is chrostopher's best friend and they knew each other since they were kids. those two were inseparable and always partners in crime. she knew that better than anyone else because she was always in the butt end of their joke. but as they grew, they had been nicer and more protective of her. she looks at him as a brother and all her previous suitors often mistakes that he really is an unidentical twin of christopher.

"honestly i'm not really sure if anything's wrong." she said, her eyes on the closed book on her lap. "there seems to be something in his mind. and he's still not letting me in."

"dont worry. im sure that when he's ready, you're the first one who'll know." then he laughed. "geez! i'm positive about that! you're the only one he talks to. i'm not even sure i know his voice."

she smiled at that. "i hope so."

then the door opened and a stomping ciara went out, fumes coming out of her ears. when she saw them, she just gave them a glare, then took off.

"and i thought this was a vacation!" zach exclaimed, slapping his had on his forehead. sam just laughed.

-------

turns out that eli went to the office because of an emergency, but he promised to be back the next day. he completely forgot that is was his and ciara's anniversary that he hadnt even greeted her. he was too busy explaining to her about the emergency and promised her he will be back definitely the next day as he finished up his tie and the things he needed to bring that he didnt notice the glare his girlfriend was giving him. he just looked up from what he's doing when he heard the door slam and ciara was no where in sight.

"HE'S SO INSENSITIVE!!!" she fumed as she walked to the pavillion. she's lucky craig knows the best places and this was one of the best vacation villages there is. it is complete with everything that anyone could ask for to relax. spas, massages, sports, and even video games. they had huge indoor and outdoor swimming pools with slides and just a couple of blocks from them, there is a lake that she was pretty sure she heard him tell mischa that was reserved only for them. views is not what she wants right now. its booze. so she's heading for the bar.

'another good thing in this place is its not crowded.' she thought as she drank her 4th glass of vodka. she could do anything she wants, even get wasted, and nobody will bug her. being renowned has its disadvantages. you can never really be alone even if you want to. and that's what she wants right now, to be alone. earlier she wanted to talk with mischa. she never keeps anything from her and her bestfriend always has a way to make her feel better. but she couldnt do it right now to her bestfriend. craig just came back after three years abroad. she couldnt part them right now. she knew how her bestfriend waited for him all those years. she turned down every guy who even just asked for her number. she knew they want to make up for lost time. there is always later. besides, they're room mates so she had all the time later.

meanwhile, she could either cry or get drunk. and she picked the latter, though she knew she'd up crying either way. she dont know why she bothered. she hadnt even drank more than two glasses of wine a sitting her whole life and now she's getting drunk. she's drinking vodka, its strength dizzying her with just four shots. she knew why.

christopher had been her first love - or at least, that's what she liked to believe. sam and him just lived next door so she knew him since they were little. he's just a few years older than her, and she always admired how he and zach would protect sam. she had wondered how it would feel like to be in the center of his attention. but she was scared to show him her feelings. she kept her distance, and satisfied herself with just looking at him from her window.

then she met eli - cocky, egoistic and handsome eli. she hated his guts when she first met him. especially because he had this favorite past time of making fun of her and mischa. well, he and craig, that is. they are cousins, by the way, and moved into their school the same time when they were in second year in college. he was from london; craig from new york. two gorgeous, filthy rich guyz who decided to turn the lives of two of the most popular girls on campus a living hell. that went on until their senior year, that is until the girls got ganged up by a frat in their school and was almost raped. the boys came to their rescue and showed the girls their true feelings. turned out that they were too scared to show them their feelings that they settled on spending their time with them in screaming matches.

after graduation, craig had to leave because of a family emergency. he had to go back to new york - his father just died and he had to take over their corporation. she knew that her bestfriend had started love the man, even before they were harrassed. craig had asked mischa to wait for him, saying that he'll go back to her, and she did. she knows how her bestfriend love someone, she loves her whole heart, that even thought they hardly spoke those three years, she still waited for him, her love growing even more as the days go by.

her and eli's story was altogether different. even after he saved her, she still found him cocky and arrogant, but now she talked to him civilly. he had spent almost a year courting her, trying to win her heart, which she thought still belonged to christopher. then disaster struck - her mother died, and she was devastated. but eli had been with her in that lowest point of her life - so was mischa, but with eli it was different, she felt... safe - and she started to accept her real feelings. she realized that what she was feeling for christopher was merely brotherly love. she was an only child and her father left them when she was still a child. she never felt what it was like to be protected like sam, although her mother took care of her and loved her very much. but a father's and a brother's love is different, and that was what she saw in christopher.

with eli it was different. she felt really special. she feels like she could spend all eternity with him. and she felt safe with him. and she's not scared to let him know how she feels. they had officially been a couple a year after graduation and it had been a complete bliss with them together. sometimes, she even feels guilty when mischa caughts them together, which happens a whole lot since they live in the same house, because she knows that her bestfriend is also missing her love. but the past few days had been trying for their relationship. he was so busy with his work, he finally took over their family business, and she was also busy with the company of her own. they hardly talk now and was almost always arguing but the times they spent together was bliss. she was scared. she still loved him, but she feels neglected and she's also getting tired of their arguments. it feels like she's giving up on him. no, it feels like he's giving up on them. but she not quite sure why she feels like that. oh yeah, he didnt come after her when she walked out.

she looked at the tenth glass in front of her. 'i cant believe i drank this much!' she thought. her vision is swirling and her head is buzzing. she didnt feel the wetness of her cheeks. she tried opening her eyes all she saw was a blurred vision of a boy. 'eli,' she thought.

"dont leave me." her last words before she passed out.

-------

she opened her eyes. it was dark. she tried sitting up but her body feels like lead and she cant move. her head is buzzing. she blinked, getting accustomed to the darkness. then she realized she's lying on the bed. 'how did i get here?' she thought.

"good, you're awake." she heard a voice say and the lights suddenly went on. she shut her eyes at the blinding light.

"ouch!" she cried as she clutched her head who suddenly seemed to be attacked by a migraine.

"good for you! who told you to get drunk in the first place? you know you couldnt handle it!" she squinted to see the owner of the voice. and sure enough, her bestfriend was there, hands on her waist, glaring at her.

"how did i get here?" she asked weakly, willing herself to sit without throwing up. mischa walked up to the dresser and got a glass of water and some pills then gave it to her, still glaring though. "thanks." she said, drinking it.

"i got worried when i realized its already ten in the evening and you're not home yet. i know you're not with eli. i saw him leave alone. good thing zach passed by the bar and saw you there wasted. he brought you home. and you havent answered my question - what had gotten through your mind and you decided to kill yourself with alcohol?!"

her heart ached again. she looked down on her hand on her lap. twitching involuntarily with her blanket. she thought all those alcohol would erase all the hurt she was feeling. but it didnt. it felt a hundred times worse because of the hangover she's having. now she felt the tears burn her cheek. next thing she knew was she was being embraced by her bestfriend, silently whispering words of comfort.

they stayed like that for a while. she let all her anger and fears and frustrations out. and when her tears dried out. she just clung to her friend, grateful for the comfort she's giving her.

after a few minutes, she pulled away. she gave her mischa a small smile. "thanks. i really needed that."

"what happened?" mischa asked her soflty.

"its nothing really." she said, trying to laugh. "i'm really emotional right now. you know, the time of the month."

mischa raised an eyebrow at her and said sarcastically "yeah right. and you've been having your period for almost a month now. you should see a doctor."

ciara hadnt had the heart to tell her bestfriend what was happening to her. craig had been back for only a week and mischa had been ecstatic two weeks before his arrival. mischa had caught her spacing out every once in a while but with her mood, its easy to stir her away from the topic. but she knew her bestfriend knows something is wrong and is just waiting for her to open up. she's thankful for this. she's afraid to voice out her fears, for it might make it more true.

"you and eli fought?" mischa asked softly. "he wasnt in a real good mood when he stormed out the house and banged the door literally out of its hinges." she laughed soflty at the memory, trying to make the mood lighter. "good thing craig and i was just in the living room and that craig knew how to fix doors. looking that he had broken some few on his own with that temper he has." she laughed again.

"he forgot our anniversary." ciara pouted, hugging her bestfriend who just chuckled.

"i dont think that's enough reason for you to kill yourself dont you think? what's bothering you, ciara?"

ciara sighed, trying to form the words on her mouth. "i think.... i think we're growing apart..."

"what do you mean?"

"we hardly talk and we also argue a lot. the only thing good right now is making out, and that really isnt anything much. its getting pretty tiring. and i know he feels the same..... he didnt even come after me when i walked away... he used to..."

"he's just got a lot on his mind. he's still here and he never left you. i doubt if he will. you guys had been through so much. he's not going to throw it away just like that."

"i know. i feel the same way. but i'm really scared. nothing is going right. i thought that we could be back to how it was before we got so preoccupied."

"dont worry too much, would you, girl? everything is going to turn out okay. i know it is. you just have to give yourself some time."

"i hope so. i still love him very much."

"he loves you, too. i know it."

-------

"i can take care of myself, thank you very much! stop nagging! you're not my father!"

"yeah right! 'i can take care of myself' my ass! why then did you spend two nights with a man, huh?! without even telling me?! i've been up those two nights worried about you and you're there enjoying yourself and getting laid!"

SLAP

"you really think i'm that.... i'm that.... LOOSE?! i hate you! I HATE YOU! and i dont ever want to see your stupid face or hear you egoistical voice again! jerk!"

a door slammed then there was silence. sam was sure she heard someone sniff, then footsteps. another door slammed, this time, from the back. she felt safe now to go out of her hiding place. she wasnt really hiding - she was going to the living room from the kitchen when she heard zach and ashley fighting. she knew not to interfere. its gonna be hell for her if her bestfriend's and zach's wrath befell her. by now, she knew the temper of zach, seeing it explode on her brother a couple of times. she wasnt really eavesdropping either. she was pretty sure that everyone within a mile of them heard their argument.

"but he went a little too far this time." she said quietly to herself. "he knew better than to piss her off like that. if he said those things to me, i'll blow up too, i think."

she was so busy with her thoughts and worrying about her bestfriend that she didnt hear the front door open softly and a man walked in. she was surprised when someone hugged her from behind. she relaxed when she realized who it was. she turned in his embrace and gave him one of her own. "where have you been?" she asked into his shirt.

"just out." benjamin answered quietly. she looked up at him when she noticed that his voice was pained. when she saw his face, her eyes widened. he had a bruise under his left eye and there was a cut on the side of his lips. tears started to form on her eyes when she realized how much pain he must be feeling right now.

"i'm okay. dont cry." he said, softly, touching her cheeks. "it doesnt hurt much."

she touched the cut on his lips and felt him twitch lightly. "what happened?"

"its nothing." he said, crushing her to him again. 'he's keeping something from me again.' she thought. the times he does that, it was usually because its nothing good. and it involved her. 'he's hurting again because of me.' she cried in her head and a tear fall.

his next words confirmed it all. "whatever happens, you know i love you, you know that, dont you?" she nodded in his chest. "dont feel bad. i dont care what happens to me, as long that you're with me. you're my happiness, so no matter what happens, dont ever leave me, okay?" she nodded again.

the first time it happened, it was only a few months after they knew each other. it had been love at first sight for her - she was captivated by the depth in his eyes and the mysteriousness of his actions. and she was happy to know that he felt the same way, although it had been really hard for him to express it. the first time he showed her about his feelings, it had been through a kiss. she was almost hit by a car and he saved her. then he kissed her and she was in ecstacy. nothing could compete with what she was feeling at the moment. since then, they had almost always been together. he barely talks but the way he looks at her makes her feel he knows her inside out. and she felt protected by him, and loved. by his simple ways, without words, he showed her his feelings. and it was far better than hearing it.

a few months in their relationship, he suddenly disappeared. she was heartbroken. she thought that he got tired of her and ran off. she hated herself for loving him and hated him for not having the guts to tell her that it was all a lie. she thought her heart will never be whole again, until he showed up at her door, his side bleeding and with bruises all over his body. he didnt tell her what happened. he just told her he was sorry and that it will never happen again. he never wanted to leave her. and he never will, willingly. she didnt press him, with his state, and because she was so happy he came back, although looking like hell.

then she knew what happened.

she was going to his house one day, carrying food to make him feel better when she heard voices. she didnt want to eavesdrop but her legs failed her when she recognized benjamin's voice.

"you are not supposed to fall in love! that's against the rules! you know there is no leaving us, and you know how it is to break the rules! man, please, look at yourself! they're gonna do this to you until you break. leave her. that's the best way for both of you." a voice that is unfamiliar to her, said.

"they're not going to harm her?" benjamin's voice, tired and pained. and her heart hurt.

"no. that's also against the rules. but man, dont you even care about yourself? i've been with you since the beginning. its hard for me to see you like this."

"i cant leave her. she's my only happiness. my sanity." his voice was soft and pained. 'benjamin! you fool!' she thought.

"but..."

"without her i'm going to die as well. its better this way. at least i got to spend my life with her."

"man..." she heard the other man sigh in defeat. "i envy you sometimes. i wonder what it feels like to love someone like that... and to be loved back..."

"it makes all this hell feel like heaven just with a smile." she blushed at his words. she made up her mind. she was never going to leave him. and she's going to make sure she'll erase all the pain he's feeling, if she could.

he never knew she knew part of his secret. but it hurt her everytime he disappears knowing he might be being tortured at the moment. and everytime he comes back, she would make him feel that she loves him, as much as he loves her. she hugged him more tightly, not wanting him out of her reach again.

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the sun was setting as she looked at the horizon. blue meeting red meeting gray. a beautiful picture. she heard the sound of the birds and the gentle sway of the trees. they all seem so peaceful, so happy. mocking her. her eyes blurred and she felt tears on her cheeks, she didnt bother to wipe them. she didnt care anymore. everything is a mess. and she doesnt care that she was shaking, not only because of the force of her tears, but also because of the cold. she doesnt care that it is getting dark fairly fast. she had always been afraid of the dark, partly because of her lack of night vision. but this time, she's not scared. she wanted to disappear in this darkness. to feel numb. for all this to go away.

"i told you i dont ever want to see you again!" her voice sounded softer than she wanted, but all the strength seems to be drained out of her. she had heard footsteps and without looking, she knew who it was. knew it in the sound of his footsteps, in his scent. two strong arms enveloped her and she struggled to get away, but couldnt. he was too strong for her, even if her own strength was with her. she just stiffened in position, letting him know she doesnt approve of his act, too tired to force herself away. he buried his head on the side of her neck.

"baby, i'm sorry. i didnt mean what i said." his voice was cracking.

"dont call me that!" she hissed.

he sighed. this girl had really got to him. he was so angry at himself for losing control like that, and he wanted to kill himself for saying those things to her. he just couldnt help it sometimes, like it was an autopilot or something, his defense mechanism. he wasnt keen on showing his feelings, much less on admitting what he really feels. he's afraid. afraid of getting hurt again. he loved once, loved truly with all his heart. but that doesnt seem enough. she left him to be with someone else and he couldnt take it, he just didnt understand it. was he not good enough? was it something he did? the what-ifs just kept on playing in his mind that he felt numb. he didnt want to hurt anymore so his subconscious took over. everytime he feels close on loving again, he does something to ruin it. better him than them, his subconscious is telling him, and that became his habit, his belief.

then he noticed ashley. she had been with him forever, since her bestfriend is the sister of his bestfriend. he saw her grow up, been with her those years and without knowing, she captured his heart. especially after he was left heartbroken, she had been with him, cried for him, and she had been a real close friend since. they never stopped bickering, but times came when they talk seriously with each other, telling each other of their deepest secrets.

then it happened. he realized his feelings for her, and he didnt know how to deal. he looked for signs, asked their close friends what to do and his heart warmed when they gave the same answer : "tell her your feelings, i know she feels the same way." but he couldnt. the memory of his past haunts him. although he had made peace with the person, his autopilot was still on, and he still couldnt trust himself to fall in love.

but now. seeing her like this, his defenses broke down. he was decided. he can take all the pain in this world just for her. suddenly, he wasnt so scared anymore. he had to tell her, to show her.

"i didnt mean what i said back then. i was just so worried about you. and i was angry and jealous that it wasnt me you spent your time with. you know i'm cocky, arrogant and possessive. you also know that i care a lot about you and i want you for myself." he whispered softly into her hear, letting his love drip from every word he had spoken.

she shivered slightly at the feel of his breath on her neck. she tensed even more at his words, not knowing if she'll believe him or not. 'is.... is he... proposing?' she asked herself, thinking if she was just imagining it.

"i dont believe you." she said out loud. "you're still hang up with kaye. i can see it in your eyes when you look at her."

"i'm not...." he released his grip around her and then made her turn to look at him. he had his smirk back on his face, eyebrows raised. "you're jealous?"

she glared then him at looked away. no way is she going to give him the satisfaction that she he had gotten into her. his sly smile and his looks and quirky comments and the arrogant air around him. no way is she going to say that out loud.

what he did next made her eyes turn round. he suddenly stood up jumping up and down in glee, shouting in joy he pulled her up to him and jumped still, holding both her hand in his own. she loves him, too! maybe, just maybe, he wouldnt have to hurt again. all the same, he dont care about getting hurt, all he cares is that she's jealous and that means she's feeling something for him, too.

she was too stunned to speak nor to move. 'is he gone crazy? what did i say?' she thought in confusion.

"you're jealous!" he said, locking her into an embrace.

she rolled her eyes and said, "in your dreams."

"if you're jealous that means you like me, too!" he continued, ignoring her comment. "i'm so happy!"

"i like you, too?" its not his arrogance that surprised her, it was the word that made her go blank. 'too.... which means... and he's happy... i dont get it... he loves kaye!'

she was still in shock that before she understand what he was doing, he held her in arms length to look at her briefly then kissed her full on the lips. her eyes widened even more. this was her first kiss. and it felt... it felt like... heaven.

he continued to work his wonders on her lips that eventually she lost control and kissed him back. she felt his tongue touch hers and everything else disappeared. she was such in a dreamy state that she wished time would stop and lock them into this forever.

when he pulled back, she had too blink a few times to get back her focus. and what she saw made her knees feel like jelly. she was glad he was still holding her because she knew she might have fallen if he did not. he was looking at her with such intensity and... love. her breath caught in her throat. and her heart skipped a beat. maybe, just maybe, he felt the same way about her.

"i'm really sorry about what i said earlier." he said, looking deep into her eyes. all her anger disappeared inside of her. and knew she could not deny her feelings anymore.

"i love you." she said, barely above a whisper. she hastily looked down, unable to meet his deepened gaze. her face had turned crimson and she was glad that it was dark.

when he heard her words, its as if time itself freezed. he couldnt believe it. he placed hid fingers on her chin making her look at him. she did, although, shyly and it was breathtaking how beautiful she looked under the moonlight. she was his. and there's nothing better in this world than that simple thought. he kissed her again, with all the feelings he had inside of him which earned him a moan from her. his arms slid on hers, feeling how cold she was. and he realized he had to break away and get her home before she gets sick. 'how long had she been out here?' he thought, guilt starting to eat him.

he wrapped her in his embrace, hoping he could share his warmth to hers. "let's go back." he whispered into her hair. "its freezing out here. you might get sick." she nodded. hand in hand, they went back home.