Sleepy

Weird. I don't even feel like coughing any more. Except for the car running, everything's quiet now. Turned the radio off -- I don't remember -- a while ago. It was getting annoying. Besides, I don't want Ricky to hear it. What if it's his favorite song? Or something stupid? Don't 'cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me? Well, at least it wouldn't be country.

Sami's quiet now. First time she's been quiet since she came home from the hospital. All I want is a little sleep. Is that too much to ask? More than a couple hours during the day when she's not eating. Or pooping. Or crying. Little bitch.

Don't know why I never thought of this before. It's so warm and quiet. I even brought us both a blanket, since we're still wearing our jammies. Funny, Sami looks so adorable when she's asleep in her car seat. Her little head tipped sideways. Drool in the corner of her mouth. What a little cutie. I couldn't go on without her.

Ricky says I need to get things under control. He says that Sami's crying is enough to deal with after 9 hours of work; he doesn't need to hear me cry, too. Mostly I just sleep on the couch now so that I don't bother him when I have to get up with Sami. After all, he's got to be alert when he goes in to earn a living.

Mom said he was right. God, why did I answer the phone last week? Usually, I just let the machine pick up, but I felt like talking to someone when she called. You need to get a grip, honey, if you want to hold onto Ricky. He won't put up with your drama for long. You cried a lot, too, when you were a baby, but I didn't bother your father with it. He was a busy man . . . blah blah blah blah blah.

Maybe I'll get Sami out of her car seat and hold her with me in the front seat. But what if I wake her up? Maybe I'll just wait a few minutes. Besides, I'm so tired. I'll just get a couple minutes' sleep and then I'll pick her up. Just a couple minutes. Maybe I'll set set my phone alarm. In a minute. After I rest for a second.