So Far Gone

         Sometimes I sit and wonder, staring off into nothingness trying to grasp the bigger picture of me and who I am. I wouldn't say I am happy with myself and what I have become, but then I could be a whole lot worse.

         Sure I have tried to change the way I do some things, but as soon as I get started, something always gets into my way. It never fails, no matter what the task I set for myself my plans are always interrupted. Why is this? Is it because I don't have enough drive to keep going? Or is there something else directing my path?

         I had decided it was time to take my health and get it into order. I was too young to be taking such severe medicine and that was the latest noise from the doctors.The doctor wanted to put me on chemotherapy pills to curb the pain and reign in my disease. Although I am not even sure anymore the doctors knew for what disease if any they were trying to treat me. They had re-tested me due to the re-classification of auto-immune diseases, and to see if I truly had rheumatoid arthritis.

Well, the tests came back negative. Good news, at least you would think it was. The doctor called to tell me that just meant I had sero-negative rheumatoid arthritis. In other words, I had all the symptoms for rheumatoid arthritis, just not the factor in the blood to say so, but the doctor still wanted to try the chemotherapy pills.

         I am only thirty-four years old. This is too young to be taking all of this medicine and feeling as I do. It was past time for me to take matters into my own hands. It is time to step up and find a way to eliminate all of the medicines from the cabinet.

          My first step would be to get my weight under control. I am five foot five and weigh in at two hundred and eleven pounds. I wear it well, so one wouldn’t know by looking at me right off that I am sixty to seventy-five pounds overweight, and that is not a healthy way to live.

         So I began working out. I was exercising to Billy Blanks Tae-bo DVD’s every day, and then hiking once a week as well. This had gone on for two weeks. I was proud of myself. I was seeing results. I was feeling better and the weight was beginning to disappear, and then it happened again.

         That same old “Some Thing” came back to haunt me. Interrupting my exercise and sending me back to square one. Karma, fate or destiny, which one was it? Something or someone was interfering once again. I had broken my toe, and if that wasn’t enough to put me out of commission and break up my stride, less than a week later I ended up in the emergency room and had to get my gall-bladder removed.

          So now here I sit again, wondering what to do. Six weeks for recovery and that “Some Thing” has decided to let me bide my time alone. That is a lot of time to be out of commission. That is a lot of time to think about exercise, and not be able to do it. Do I give this another shot once I am healed again? Or is that when “Some Thing” will rear its head again? If it does, will I be so far gone, or can I find the treadmill of life strong enough to help me back into an exercise regime again?

-August 3, 2006-
Copyright ©2006 Jenny Marie Stites
Word Count-641
I wrote this in my early days here before learning of how to navigate and link properly. Otherwise the contest and it's limitations would have been included. Currently my health is well, still battling the weight though.

7/19/09
Update: After the gallbladder surgery it was a slow recovery. It wasn't until two or three months after the surgery that I made one major discovery. I was having no more pain from arthritis. It has been three years now and I have had no arthritis pain. I managed to lose twenty pounds and put it back on. I am getting ready to begin a new exercise program, this one "EA Sports Active Personal Trainer" with the Wii system. I am excited. I am still running on the treadmill of life.