Last Days

Last Days

They're fighting again. Not out of the ordinary. What can I do about it? Nothing. Mom is an alcoholic and Dad is too, and he is always under the impression that Mom is cheating on him. She probably is half the time. I'll just do what I always do. Hide in my room and hope that they don't turn their angry attention on me for some reason. Hopefully Dad won't get violent tonight.
Crash. I hear the shattering of glass and Mom's scream. Well there go our collection of beer bottles. I had been planning to take them into the bottle depot to get some money, but I guess I'll just have to wait for them to accumulate again, but that won't take long. Shivering I crawl under my blankets and close my eyes hoping that I'll fall asleep soon and wake up to a new and hopefully happier day.
Beep Beep Beep. I slowly managed to gather the energy to pound the snooze button and silence my annoying alarm clock. Remembering last night I saw stop and listen. To my relief all I hear is silence. After I managed to roll out of bed I throw on my usual ripped jeans and black tee-shirt that sports some band or another. Today its Led Zeppelin. I head to the bathroom to create my daily mask. I hate going to the bathroom because I hate having to look at myself in the mirror. Oh well I'll do it anyways, maybe I'll have changed while I slept, and by some miracle not be ugly anymore. I look and see the same plain girl looking back with black hair, sad blue eyes, pale skin and a lip piercing. I grab my eyeliner and begin covering up my eyes. After about 15 minutes I'm finished and I head into the kitchen to find some food. All I grab is an apple. I usually don't eat much because I couldn't stand to be fat. I try to keep my food intake to a minimum. I don't have an eating disorder I just eat sparingly. As I'm munching on my apple my mom comes in. I give her a weak smile as a good morning.
"You look horrible with that thing in your lip and all that makeup" is all I get for a good morning. Heart sinking I throw away my apple and grab my backpack. As I'm heading out the door I call out:
"Bye I'm going to school" I wait half expecting a "bye see you after school honey" but of course that doesn't come, so I head out onto the busy city streets. As I'm walking down the street I keep my eyes on the ground so that I don't attract any unwanted attention. I walk slowly because I hate going to the school where I have no friends and am bullied quite often by the 'popular' people. As I wait at an intersection in a group of people for the traffic to subside I saw a middle aged woman staring at me. I glance at her then look away. I end up overhearing her conversation with her friend.
"Teenagers these days always look so hideous"
"I have a teenage niece who dresses very nicely and always looks very presentable unlike some" her friend says looking pointedly at me.
The light blinks on for us to cross so I hurry across trying to get away from those two evil, judgmental ladies. I check my watch. Its 7:55 so I'll have to hurry because school starts in about five minutes. I manage to get to my locker, grab my books and get into the classroom before the bell rings. I took my usual seat in the far back corner where hopefully nobody would notice me. All day I idly doodle and write in my notebooks. I have no idea what the teacher is talking about and I don't want to ask for fear of public humiliation. On most days the teacher just ignores me and I ignore him which works perfectly for me. I guess today wasn't one of those days.
"Leah, who was the thirteenth czar of Russia?" he barks at me.
"I don't know" I mumble keeping my eyes averted downwards. My goal in life is to attract the least amount of attention I can.
"Well you should know we've been studying this for the last month." The rest of the class snigger at me behind their hands.
"Since you seem to have such a lack of interest in class I'm assigning just you an essay about the czars of Russia which is due in two days." I don't even bother answering. I just go back to my doodling, I just won't go to school for the next week or so. Its not like anybody will care anyways.
"This goes for the whole class not just you Leah" the teacher growls. The rest of the class moans and groans. Most of them glare at me and mutter angrily about me to their friends. I knew that I was going to get it after school today. Dang, I should have paid attention; if I had at least I wouldn't be getting beat up today. So as I tried to think of plans to keep me from a beating from my classmates the bell rang startling me out of my daydreams, and signaling everyone else to jump up and leave for lunch.
In the lunch line I endured many shoves and loose elbows and rude comments hissed in my ears. Like always I endured it by keeping my eyes averted and not talking to anybody as I made my way out of the cafeteria as quickly as possible. I'd decided that I'd skip the rest of the day so that I could avoid the people who wished me harm, and hope that they had forgotten in the next couple of days while I was gone.
I decided to spend the rest of the day at my favorite place as a child. It was in the old park off the main highway what roared straight through the city, and the river flowed along beside it. I don't think that anybody else knows about it. My friend from elementary school had shown it to me. That friend had long since moved away, and I had lost all contact with her too. Maybe if I had a friend then life wouldn't be so bad. I had tried to make friends but I was repeatedly shunned because everybody already had their own little groups and cliques, so I had just given up and kept to myself.
I climbed out on the ancient weeping willow that hung over the sluggish river. The tendrils of branches sweeped across the river, and would wave in the wind when a soft breeze flowed through them. There was a perfect seat in the thick branches that was over the water. A person could sit there for hours on end in comfort. I hung up my book bag that contained my collection of novels and my journal, notebook and pens. I wanted to be a writer, and my notebook and journal was full of my writing. Often I wished that I could escape into one of the fantasy worlds that I read and dreamed about. Life seemed so much simpler and easier then. It was not based on popularity and money. It was about what was right and wrong, love and survival. Things like popularity, money and pointless shallow things like that were what destroyed people like me. Maybe I'm just weak, and I can't take it, but other people don't try to help at all they seem to want to beat you down and break you.
Like always I lost all sense of reality and time as I immersed myself in my magical worlds. The next time I looked up from my book I gasped because it was already nightfall. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Dad is going to kill me. I'm in so much trouble now. Those were my only thoughts as I threw my book into the bag and clambered out of the tree. I threw my bag over my shoulder and started the mad dash back home powered by the fear coursing through my veins, the same thought going through my mind the hole time.
I arrived at the house and to my utmost relief saw that all of the lights were turned off and the driveway was empty. I just about fell down in relief, but I hurried into my house and down the stairs to my bedroom. I guessed that Mom was out drinking with her friends, and Dad was doing whatever he does. I never really did know what Dad did for a job. I assumed that he sold drugs or some was involved in some low job like that. When I stepped on the bottom landing I slipped and fell in a puddle of something. Since the lights were out I couldn't tell what it was. I got back up and stepped more carefully down the rest of the stairs finding that they had puddles of liquid on them also. When I stepped onto the basement floor I flipped on the light to see what the puddles were. I opened my mouth to scream but nothing came out. I stood there in horror for what seemed like hours. It was blood dripping all down the staircase, and my clothes were covered from slipping and falling in it. Heart thumping and my mind screaming for me to run away as fast as I could I saw a trail of it leading to my bed room. Gritting my teeth and ignoring my mind's screams I followed it numbly and opened the door.
My mom was lying on the floor, her chest moving up and down weakly as she breathed. Her eyes were closed, and she was covered in blood, but she looked the most peaceful I've ever seen her.
"Mom" I whispered, "can you hear me?" Her head slowly turned in my direction.
"Yes" she murmured faintly, "you have to leave"
"What happened to you" I asked.
"Your father" she whispered "you have to leave he is drunk and is crazy. There is money in my dresser in a sock take that and run away, he'll kill you if he finds you." I nodded. I didn't know what to say, and the first time I ever heard those words spoken to me she said it, "I love you." I couldn't say anything in reply to her. I've never felt any love for her. This woman who treated my like garbage my entire life, so I kept walking not daring to look back because I knew she had died. I hurried up the stairs to my parents bedroom. I was digging through her dresser trying to find the sock full of money she had mentioned when I heard the roar of my dad's truck and the squeal of tires as it rounded the corner. Frantically I through the clothes out and finally found the sock. I ran for the door, and grabbed my bag and a coat as I slipped outside. I ran out the back gate of our yard. I heard the truck roar into the driveway and the door slam as my dad got home. I wasn't really sure what was happening or where I was going the only thought that was going through my mind was run! So I did. I ran all the way back to my weeping willow tree. I climbed out to my special seat and sat. No tears came, I just sat. I felt cold all over. I knew that if I didn't leave the city my dad would eventually find me, and if that happened the result would be fatal. I didn't know where I could go. Judging by the weight of the sock there was probably a lot of money in it. I was surprised that my mom had managed to save it and not spend it on alcohol. Slowly I drifted off to sleep. I didn't get much rest though as I tossed and turned all night dreaming nightmares of smashing glass and glaring headlights. I awoke just before dawn. Remembering the day before I began to plot in my head. First off I would have to make sure I wasn't recognizable, so I pulled out my lip ring and washed off all my make-up in the river. Smiling to myself I knew that my father wouldn't be able to recognize me even if he was sober. Throwing my bag over my shoulder I headed off into the busy streets and away from my old life. I felt ready for every challenge that would be thrown at me. I set off away from the only safe place I knew with my new sense of determination.