Butterflies

Carly was a bit surprised when Ms. Newton showed up in our office this morning. She had taken care of the deferment form for her son John and his student loan account was now up to date. Well, much to Carly's surprise she had someone with her today. It was the most handsome young man she had ever seen in her life. He had blonde hair, the bluest eyes, and a smile that could melt ice. He's your typical handsome, all-American boy next door. She was more surprised when she introduced John as her son. She was a little Hispanic woman and he looked nothing like her. He was home for the Christmas break from Loyola Marymount in California.

Mrs. Newton gushed about how much help Carly had been to her when it came to having to deal with our loan servicer. Payments and deferments posted late. She was able to get their problem with his deferments straightened out. She also took on the added responsibility of letting them know when they need anew form and would process the forms through our office herself. They would no longer have to deal with the servicer. He thanked Carly for all of the help she had been to both him and his mother. He appreciated the extra steps she was taking to help them.

Just then, Belinda, one of our work-study students, came in to the office. She and John knew each other. He gave her a hug and chatted a minute. While, he was doing that his mother was asking Carly some questions. His mother was sweetest and kindest lady. Carly couldn’t help but glance over at John every now and then. As she saw him with Belinda, one thought occurred to her. That’s the kind of girl someone like him would be with not someone like her. Belinda was pretty but not extremely intelligent – that’s not what matters to guys anyway.

Belinda had to leave to go to her first class. She came in to leave the books she would need later for her afternoon classes. The two of them said their goodbyes and he rejoined his mom at the counter. His mother and Carly had everything under control so there really wasn’t much more to discuss. They both thanked her again for all of her help and left.

Carly wouldn’t hear from John again for two months. Christmas came and went without much fuss. She survived yet another depressing New Year’s Eve. But lately a depression had taken hold of her and she was having a very hard time shaking it. Her best friend Gladys had a steady boyfriend now and Carly now took a back seat to him. Any time she spent with her had to be worked in to plans with him.

The jealousy Carly was beginning to feel towards her was almost becoming uncontrollable. Carly couldn't get a date to save her life and now she was losing her best friend. Gladys was the only person she ever did anything with at all. If she wasn’t available Carly would be home for the night. They used to be inseparable. Now Carly felt in order to see her she'd have to make an appointment.

Heading her way now was Valentine’s Day. Valentine’s Day and New Year’s Eve are two holidays she hated more than any other holiday. Both days cast a glaring light on the fact that you’re alone. She used to think it was nice when she’d get home and there would be a Valentine’s Day card from her mom in the mail. Now it’s just depressing and pathetic. She knew that when she got home from work there would be flowers at the house. There would be flowers for her mom from her dad, for her sisters from their boyfriends. She remembered one Valentine’s Day when even her brother got flowers.

She usually would sit in her room listening to Barry Manilow records and wait for the day to end. The saddest part is that she's the oldest and has no idea what it’s like to be on a date. She only wished she knew how to fix whatever it is that is so wrong with her.

Carly went to work and not too long after the day started, the parade of roses into the office started. This was going to be a long day. Belinda reported for work that afternoon. She made herself at home and then she told her that she got a letter from John over the weekend. Carly didn’t need to hear that. Belinda then handed her a small envelope. In it was a note for her from John. She figured it would be a note about his loan. Much to her surprise it wasn’t. It was a simple thank you note. It read:

"Thank you again for all of your help. And I hope this Valentine’s Day brings all the love and happiness that someone as nice as you deserves. Happy Valentine’s Day, John."

Carly read that note over and over that day. That was better than any dozen roses she could have ever received. To know that John took the time to write her a note meant a great deal. His mother raised him right. The note moved her so much she had to send him a thank you note. It started out just a small thank you note. Then it turned into a short letter. She just asked simple questions, how’s school going, how’s the weather and things like that. She got his address at Loyola from Belinda.

About a week and a half later, she came home to find a letter on her bed. It was a letter from John. She couldn’t wait to open it. He appreciated the time Carly had taken to write to him and that he loved to get letters from home. Carly loved to write letters. They started to write to each other regularly after that. They got to know each other through those letters. They both loved music especially jazz and movies. They both loved football and argued over whose team was better her 49ers with Joe Montana or his Cowboys with Aikman. They had the same type of argument when it came to basketball too.

Carly couldn’t wait for the mail to arrive everyday just to see if there would be something in it from him. Even when he didn’t have much time to write a letter he'd send her a postcard. She had sent him a stack of them from Sea World to use to write his friends when he didn’t have time for a letter. He had used all the postcards to write to her. He remembered to send her a birthday card in March. In May, he sent her a postcard. On it he said he’d be coming home for the summer and he hoped that they could get together while he was home.

No one could have been more surprised than Carly when John called her at work. He'd just gotten back in town over the weekend. She felt like a giddy teenager in high school getting a call from the cutest boy in school. She actually got into a little trouble at work for talking and giggling on the phone too much.

She didn’t care though. She could have fired her on the spot. It was the first time in a very long time that she was truly happy. Now she was almost like everybody else. She wasn’t the forgotten lonely one anymore. At least not right now. They made tentative plans to get together on Saturday for a movie. She gave him her home number and asked him to call her there. Now she'd just cross my fingers that he’d call and that they'd actually get together.

He did call and they had a great time on the phone. Most important of all they were getting together on Saturday night for a movie. Now she just had to keep her nerves under control. That wouldn't be easy. She doesn't know how to do this.

She thought she could calm her butterflies about tonight by going to the gym. She was wrong. She had to be crazy. Why did she ever agree to this? Girls like her don’t go out with guys like John.

It didn't help that she's 23 and about to go on her first date. No one’s ever asked her out until now. She was the one always on the outside looking in. She sat back and watched her little sister, little brother and friends go out on dates. She's never been so scared in her life.

In letters, it was easy to be witty, funny and intelligent. It’s an entirely different thing for her face to face. Besides, he’s in college. What could she possibly say that would be of any interest to him?

She only had two hours to decide what to wear. She was standing in front of her closet full of clothes but had nothing to wear. How can she possibly go out? She had a pair of black jeans with a zipper and cute little red bows at the ankles, maybe the short denim skirt. She's always being told she should show off her legs. Why she didn't know. However, she could use all the help she could get.

She didn’t know why she was in such a panic. He’s probably only being polite. They’ll go out, he’ll be disappointed and she’ll never see him again. At least she didn't have to worry about making conversation. They were going to a movie. He’ll probably bring her home right after anyway.

She heard the phone ring and then her sister called out her Carly. Maybe John came to his senses and changed his mind? Now her family would know something was going on tonight. Guys didn’t call her. She had enough pressure on herself, she didn’t need theirs too. It was John calling to ask if leaving a bit later than planned would be okay. She wasn't about to miss out on this opportunity. Of course, she told him it would be just fine.

It was just after nine o’clock and just as she was about to change into the denim skirt, her sister told her John was outside. The butterflies must have heard her too, because they started a new storm of flutters in her stomach. Carly took one last look in the mirror. She shouldn’t have done that.

She quickly made her way out the door. Then something strange happened. When she saw John, the butterflies stopped. It was as if she was looking at an old friend. Why had she been so nervous? She took a deep breath and started what would turn out to be the most amazing summer she’d ever had.

John held the car door open for her, which was a nice gesture in front of her dad. He got in and they were off to the movie theater. They were going to see “Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.”

John had brought a jazz cassette tape she had recorded for him. She sent it to him when he was away at school. Our common taste in music gave them plenty to talk about too. Whatever nervousness she had felt before she saw John was all but gone. She was also confident in the fact that he’d take me home as soon as the movie was over.

The movie managed to kill two hours. Carly found herself actually having a good time. She really hated to see it end. This was her first real date and most likely her last for a while. She hoped it would last a little longer than the length of a movie.

The movie was good. A movie with both Harrison Ford and Sean Connery can’t ever be bad. It was close to midnight when the movie ended and they were back in the parking lot. She wasn’t really ready to go home just yet. John unlocked her door first and opened the door for her. She didn’t know guys came with manners like that anymore. As he stood holding the door, he said the strangest thing, “Do you want to go somewhere? Or do you need to get home?” She was caught so off guard that she didn’t hear the second part of that question, “Where do you want to go?”

John got in the car and they tried to think of a place that would still be open that late. He couldn’t tell but her hands were shaking. She’d never been so nervous in her life. Well, except for when she had to get up in front of her class -- which is why she had barely graduated.

They drove around for a little while. There weren’t too many places open at midnight. They ended up at a 24-hour burger place. They got some finger food and drinks. There were quite a few people there. They sat in a booth in a quiet corner of the restaurant.

John was so down to earth that she found herself becoming more and more comfortable around him. They talked about so many different things. They talked about music, bragged about concerts they’d been to, movies, hobbies, sports and family. She never once felt inferior to him. Rather he never makes her feel that way.

She couldn’t get over that someone this handsome was sitting here with her. He was a few years younger but it didn’t seem to matter.

Across the street was a bank with a clock. Carly happened to notice it read 2:30 am. “Is that the right time?"

John looked out the window, “It doesn’t seem we’ve been there that long.” At least that meant he was having a good time. “Do you need to be home by a certain time?”

"No I don't" So they stayed and talked for about another hour.

Just after 3:30 am they decided it was time to leave. They arrived back at Carly's house in about fifteen minutes. She hadn’t felt nervous in a while until this moment. The butterflies seemed to come back all at once. What would happen when it came time to say goodnight. Would anything happen?

As the perfect gentleman he’d been up to now, he came around to her side of the car and opened the door. He walked her to her door. They stood at the door for a few minutes making idle chatter, “Well, I really had a good time.”

I was relief for her to hear that, “I did too. It just went by too fast.”

John asked if he could have a hug. Was he kidding? Of course, he could.

This had to be the best hug she'd ever gotten. Then something funny began to happen. After the hug, they started to talk about something else for a few minutes. They’d decide it was time to say goodnight, he’d hug her again and they’d start another conversation. They did that at least three times. After the third hug, she asked him if he’d like to sit on a swing in the front yard rather than keep standing.

He continued to surprise her when he said yes. As they were walking over to the swing, she couldn’t help but think about what a great evening it had been so far. I wonder if I'll see him again after tonight. I sure hope I do.

It was a perfect Texas summer night. The stars were still out and there was just enough of a breeze. It had to be after four in the morning but she wasn’t the least bit tired.

They must have talked for almost another hour. Carly was amazed at how much they actually had to say to each other. They had spent the past few months exchanging quite a few letters before tonight. Maybe that's why they weren't exactly complete stranger.

At one point, they noticed that it was slowly starting to become light. She wondered what time it could possibly be. She and John decided it was probably time to say goodnight. Neither of them seemed to want to though. John walked her back to her door. By this time, the butterflies she had felt earlier had completely vanished. She didn’t know where this would go from here. At that moment she didn’t care. If nothing else, she'd up with a new friend. She hoped that with any luck maybe more than that.

He gave Carly another hug and once again, they started talking. This time though they were making tentative plans to go to Sea World next Saturday. She offered to treat since she was working and had a pass to get in free. He started to walk to his car, “I’ll call you later in the week and we can make definite plans.”

Carly nodded and simply said, “Okay”.

She waited on the porch until he got into his car. They waved goodbye and he drove away. She took a deep breath and went into the house. She locked the door behind her and made her way to her bedroom. She sat on the edge of her bed for a minute and thought back on the night she'd just had.

Carly have never had a night like this before. She was the one that watched everyone else, her little sister and her friends, go out on dates and wonder that must be like. She couldn’t do anything except cry. For the first time she was good enough. Not Carly the quiet one, not what her family thinks she should be – just herself. That it was okay for her to be herself. She began to hope the week would go by fast. She couldn't wait to see John again.