Conclusion: Reality Check

Chapter One:
Intro

Three times. Tree fucking times we went out. We went out and every time we did we broke up. And it was for the same reason every time, because he didn’t have feelings for me any more. Because James Andrew Thomas didn’t have feelings for me any more. After all I had done for him. After all he had said. I gave him my virginity, my love, my life, my heart. He told me he loved me. Loved me more than he had ever loved somebody before and that he wanted me to be his last girlfriend.

Well of course I didn’t think he actually meant that but then his little sister and my best friend, Tori, heard him tell this other girl, Heather, that he loved her. That made her mad. She went off on him, yelling, “What, do you say I love you to every girl that comes your way?!”
“I don’t actually mean it. It just makes them feel good about themselves.” He replied. Which didn’t help his side out one bit at the time.
“So did you say that to Ember just to make her feel good about herself?!” she yelled back. That was when he got angry. Well at least he acted angry.
“How dare you! I really do love Ember! I love her more than I have ever loved somebody and I want her to be my last girlfriend!” He was yelling as loud as he could and was all up in her face.
“You’re just trying to get me to believe you so you won’t get in trouble!” She was still mad and didn’t believe him.
He got a serious look on his face and in a stern voice he said, “I’m telling the truth. I really do want her to be my last girlfriend.” And when he said that Tori believed him. And when Tori told me that I believed him now too. That the really did love me as much as he said he did and really did want me to be his last girl friend, for Tori didn’t trust guys easily because of what had happened to her mom and her when she was younger. So for her to believe him it must be true.

Well it wasn’t true. It was all lies, everything he had told me, from the very beginning. Everything from how much he loved me to what he had done in his past and how he had changed. It was all a bunch of bullshit. Everybody knows it. Even his friends know he is made of bullshit. And I finally figured it out when he broke up with me for the last time.

He called me at four o’clock in the morning. A week after we had started dating for the third time. He told me that he couldn’t be with someone who did heroin. I told him I didn’t do that any more. That I had stopped that when we made the promise that both of us wouldn’t do drugs again.
“How do I know that you aren’t going to do that again? To tell you the truth I have never touched a drug or gotten drunk in my entire life. When I went with Landon to those bars I had one shot of Yeager and that was it. When you saw me smoke that cigarette that night I was with Molly. That was the first time I had ever smoked, and when I got home that night I thru up ‘cause I had forgotten I was allergic to tobacco.” He said. He sounded like he was about to cry. I knew what was coming. So I did what I did best. I lied. I told him that to tell him the truth that I had never touched a drug in my entire life as well. That it was a lie that I started because my friends did it and I felt left out and the lie just kind of stuck.
“Oh cause when you told me that you did heroin I started crying and I told my mom. She asked me if we had another Molly on our hands. I told her I didn’t know” he was starting to cry. I could here him though the phone.
“You told your mom?” I was about to cry then. I didn’t want his mom to think I was like Molly, “I’m not like Molly. I’m the farthest person from Molly. To tell you the truth you were my first. I was a virgin before you.”
“You were my second. After Molly,” he said.
I had stopped crying and was now wondering if he was still going to break up with me. He told me to hold on. That his mom was walking around. When he came back he was crying harder. He said that he was sorry but we were through. I asked him why did he hate me. What had I done to him? He told me to hold on again. When he came back this time he was sobbing hard. He told me that he had to go. His mom had hit him and told him to get off the phone. I said ok but just tell me why you hate me. He said he would call me back when his mom went to bed. I said ok. I laid down and started at the ceiling till I got up at noon. He hadn’t called me back, but then, I hadn’t expected him to.

The next day I thought about what had happened the night before and that was when I figured out he was lying. For one Tori had told me that she knew he did drugs and got drunk, so that was a lie. Another thing was he said that I was his second and Molly was his first. Well the first time we had dated I asked him if he was virgin and he had said no. Well I couldn’t have been his second then cause he hadn’t dated molly till after we had broken up the first time. So there was another lie. And when I told Nicole and Brady what had happened they both said that they knew he did drugs and got drunk. Brady had known him longer than Nicole and he said that James used to come to class smelling like it. So that just confirmed what I already knew. Even Tori confirmed it.

I also knew that he had never lost feelings for me. Not even the first and second times he broke up with me, and especially not this time. Because every time we got back together he told me that he hadn’t lost feelings for me. When we got back together the first time he said that he had just made a mistake. The second time we broke up and got back together he said that he had needed to get revenge on Molly for cheating on him five, or six, or seven, so on and so forth, times and that was when he told me that he had never loved anybody as much as he loved me and that he wanted me to be his last girlfriend. And when I remembered that I asked him why he had lied to me about him having those feelings?
“I didn’t lie. I really did have those feelings. I just lost them because of you doing drugs.” He said.
“Even when I told you that I had never touched a drug in my entire life?” I was questioning him. I was going to figure out why he had gone through so much trouble of lying to me about all those things.
“It was already to late. I had lost those feelings and they weren’t coming back. I’m sorry.” Was what he said.

So he hadn’t lied about having those feelings. Well then that meant he was lying about not having feelings for me any more, because nobody could lose those feelings that fast. It was impossible. Well finding that out didn’t help me understand why he had lied to me about all those things. In fact that just made it more confusing. I was getting tired of this. I couldn’t figure it out with out help so I went to a very good friend of mine that I had known since she was born. She is very good at getting people. So good that just by me telling her all that had happened over the last six or seven months James and me had been dating on and off she was able to tell me why he had gone through all the trouble of lying.

James was doing what she used to do before she got a big reality check. James has no grip on reality. He thinks that he can control his world and what happens in his world. Which you can but only to a certain extent. You have to have some grip on reality, which James doesn’t. He is afraid to get to close to someone. So whenever he gets to close to someone he pulls away. But since you can’t go to long with out the person you love neither can he. So he pulls the person he loves back in and when he gets to close again he pushes them away. He is not only playing with my emotions but he is playing with his as well.

Well for his little plan to work he has got to keep me with in arms reach but not to close to were he can’t get his emotions calm. So he gets another girlfriend but since he knows I still love him he continues to push me away by flirting with her in front of me but he keeps me close by flirting with me and being friendly to me when she isn’t there.

So now that this is all clear to me I am finally beginning to see that the guy I am in love with is a complete and total jackass and I’m tired of being part of his little plan. So I have come to a conclusion. I need to get over him, and for me to do that I need to do one thing. I need to give him the biggest reality check of his life. I Ember Michelle Clark will get my revenge.