Judgement Day

“ORDER, I WILL HAVE ORDER IN MY COURT ROOM.” God’s gavel came down with a second thunderous crash that caused the whole temple to shift slightly from its foundation. “THOU WILT SPEAK ONLY WHEN SPOKEN TO. IS THIS UNDERSTOOD?”

“Yes your honor.. I mean sir, oh no I mean your holiness?!” Jake looked up at the enormous supernatural being sitting behind the enormous judges bench with the eyes of a deer right before vehicle impact. He wanted to cry. These proceedings were absolutely ridiculous. Why should an atheist have to endure trial and judgment by a couple of deities he never believed in? And would someone please explain to him why his lawyer was dressed in a white gown that hung all the way down to his simple brown sandals. He has money, lots and lots of money. Shouldn’t he have his choice of lawyers? The one at the prosecutors table looks more his style anyhow. Black Armani suit, red string tie, diamond encrusted Rolex, and one hell of a ruby fraternity ring on his left index finger.

"Father, Jake may not have lived a wholesome life but he never murdered anyone.” Father, did he say father? This might turn out in his favor after all. “Jake was a good child until the age of five. That has to count for something. There was also that time he donated a huge sum of money to the American Lung Association.”

“That was one good tax break.” Jake made this statement under his breath, afraid to upset his holiness again.

Jesus flipped through his pad of paper several times. Jake became a little worried at this point. Shouldn’t his lawyer be rattling off more good deeds, things that make him look first-rate to this huge man they call God? “That’s all I have your honor, defense rests.”

Jake’s mouth dropped. He stood up to object but sat back down remembering what happened the last time he interrupted.

“LUCIFER, THE FLOOR IS YOURS.”

“Well it’s about time. I’ve been waiting for this one.”

Jake’s stomach went sour. The Devil had been waiting for him? Why? What did he ever do?

“Where to begin, ah yes; age six, mutilation of animals and setting fire to neighbors garbage cans was a favorite pass time, age ten, beat a three year old so badly he spent a night in the hospital, age fifteen, tricked your girlfriend into having sex then dumped her the next day, age twenty-one, helped the bookkeeper at your firm embezzle thousands of dollars and when she got caught you let her hang by herself, age thirty, cheated on your wife with her sister, age thirty-nine, all three children got a major beating from daddy when he came home drunk. If I remember correctly the youngest is now brain dead. Age forty- six . . “

“THAT WILL BE ENOUGH. YOU HAVE MADE YOUR POINT. LUCIFER THIS ONE’S YOURS.”

“Thank you your honor.” The Devil snickered.

And with that Jake was gone.