Completely useless

Bored beyond comprehension. And truthfully speaking, sticking an ice-pick in my ear sounds a lot like fun. Eargasm. Woefully speaking, running away sounds fun, too. Contemplation of the body and soul, and how to calm the spirit and mind:

I light a cigarette. Putrid smoke to feed this cancer. I can feel it building inside my lungs. One cancerous cell multiplies to two. Two becomes four. Four becomes eight. etc. etc... On and on, til my insides are riddled with this black, ugly, horrible misery. I hack. I spit. Blood. Lifeless, and still.....

I drink to calm my senses. To destroy my brain. Destroyed to protect my thoughts from their pointless wandering. A void that remains empty and lost in stupidity. A tumor builds. I can feel the pressure mounting. Headaches that scream in agony, pounding my cells, useless.....

I shoot to forget. The vein that turns sour. The plunger pulled back to suck up the concoction of heat and liquid. Inserted into the flesh, to feel the emptiness.
The lost. Forever languid and limp. I can feel my heart pounding, ready to explode from within my chest. Til the last pump forces the last drop of blood, thru my heart.

I load the pistol to erase all. To drive the bullit to its last destination. Deep within.
Under my chin, thru my brain. To loose all, and to forget what it is, to feel.....

To feel completely useless.....