A New Beginning

The foundation of my sorrow
Was laid in distant years.
A lonely child, a frightened girl,
A shy teen, a desperate woman –
All are me or once were me.

My father was a rough man,
Cruel and harsh with me.
His hands were hard and brutal.
He pinched my tender flesh
And probed my private parts.
My mother had no courage
But I could not condemn her.
I know she also feared him
And obeyed all his commands.

My brother was a hunter.
He prowled along my path.
He slipped into my bedroom
And showed me all his wrath.
Why be different from my father
Is what he said to me.

Desperate to escape, I searched until I found
A man I knew would keep me safe.
At seventeen, I ran away and moved
Into his house. A place of safety,
So I thought, but it was not to be.

Two sons I bore him, between the beatings,
And I often cried myself to sleep.
I hoped he would not hear.
He broke my ribs. He bruised my mouth.
He raised his sons to be like him.

Thus one day, I took my life into my
trembling hands and I simply walked away.
Without a backward look, I left them all behind.
They were all so cruel to me, mother, father,
Husband, sons. I left them in my wake
As I fled across the country and prayed
My husband would not pursue me.
Why would he care, I wondered
As I ran so far so fast.

In Salt Lake City, I settled down
For a time in a homeless place.
I changed my name, built an identity,
Learned some skills and found a job.
Still frightened, I jumped at sudden sounds.
Day by day, I began to make my way.

I won’t go back. I’m here to stay.
This small quiet corner of the world
Is all I want from life. I walk alone.
I sleep alone. I’ll take no risks with life.
The years have passed. My heart
Has healed. I no longer jump in fear.
It seems, at last, I’m happy or so I seem to be.
In this restrained and meager life,
I face the world without a tear
And hold my soul intact.