Turtlenecks

She tilted her head back a little farther. The light drizzle of rain felt good. She felt thirsty, but she didn’t want something to drink. She felt tired, but she didn’t want to sleep. The phone rang again. Finally someone answered. Here, her lie caught up to her. She just couldn’t bear to be around anyone right now. Not for a while. She felt lonely, and she wanted to be alone. She hung up the receiver and let out a little sigh. She had bought some time to be by herself. She didn’t care if she was fired. She was alone.

She tugged the turtleneck up closer to her chin as she got into her car. A quick flash of another life entered her thoughts.

She remembered seeing the tired woman come home from work. The house was empty and dark. A fear had entered the woman as she walked inside. Where was he? Why wasn’t he home? Was he hurt? She locked the door and turned the porch light on as she left. Which way would he have come home? She started the car and started to drive. He would have come this way. Her eyes scanned both sides of the road as she drove. She didn’t want to miss anything. What if he was hurt and needed her? She didn’t have to drive far.

On the outskirts of town sat a little shanty of a building. A place where only those who had been accepted would dare to enter. Motorcycles filled the parking lot with a few cars thrown in for décor. But the gray pickup parked on the side was the one that caught her attention. All the fear that had been building inside her instantly turned to rage. The rage consumed her to the point of insanity, an insanity that had an agenda of its own.

She pulled her car into the parking lot. She forgot the fear that was within her. She forgot the darkness from long ago. The possession of anger was so great she even forgot the love she had known.

Her mind transported her inside. She saw her husband at the pool table, ready to take a shot. Obvious from his stance; he was drunk and obvious from his attire; he came here straight from work. He didn’t see her. He probably couldn’t see a lot at the moment. She turned and walked outside and just stood beside his truck. Someone was talking to her. She turned. The woman’s mouth was moving but she didn’t hear her. She tried but the pain was too great. The rage had turned into the most nightmarish pain she had ever known. She had to leave. The woman long forgotten or maybe never even known, she got into her car and drove home. There were no streetlights, no houses, and no joy along the way. Just this pain. She tried to outrun it, but it followed. It followed her into the house. It followed her into the bedroom where she collapsed onto the side of the bed in tears. Tears so strong, they shook her entire being. What?! Why?! This wasn’t happening! What had she done? Why did he want to hurt her so badly? When would this end? What was that? No. She had felt something. Something was trying to get beyond her tears. Something was moving the pain away. What? What? Someone was trying to dry her tears. “Leave me alone!” she cried out. But it didn’t. “I need you so much!” she cried. “I know.” Someone told her heart. “Let me help you. I am the Way, the Truth and the Light.”

She let go. She let go of the pain. He took the fear and the rage. She slept.
Hours later, she felt a presence again. But this one wanted something. This one had no love or tenderness. This one wanted to take; to consume. She tried to stop him but he was too strong. Even with the strong stench of alcohol on his breath, he was too strong. He took what he wanted and left her with a reminder of what had happened.

She tugged the turtleneck closer to her chin and drove. He promised her He would heal her pain. Just trust in Him. She did. She always had. Just sometimes she forgot. She drove with her Bible beside her on her seat. There was a special place in the woods that she liked to spend time. Not alone, but with her Father. She knew where she needed to go. Back to Abba.