Windsor's Goodbye

Windsor's Goodbye

I lost my cat, Windsor to feline leukemia a couple of years ago. One day he just stopped eating. I tried all of his favorites to try to get him to eat. He wouldn't touch his regular food, he wouldn't eat his cat treats, he wouldn't even eat tuna. When I tried tuna and he didn't touch it I knew something was wrong.

I took him to the vet in the morning and left him because they wanted to run some tests. He had been there about 3/12 hours, and I received a phone call. The news was bad. As bad as it could be. They told me that Windsor was in a lot of pain. They said the kindest thing would be to have him euthanized. He was so beautiful and had been such a friend to me. He had been the most vocal cat I had ever had. I would get home from work and he would tell me all about his day...or maybe he was just saying how much he missed me...or maybe he was reprimanding me for leaving. It didn't matter, he was a presence in my life that I didn't want to lose.

My boyfriend went back to the vet clinic with me. We had only been going out for a month, but I didn't have any family in town and really no friends that I would have felt comfortable asking as I was relatively new in town.

We walked into the clinic and I was in shock. I couldn't believe I was going to have to let him go. Windsor already wasn't his usual self and I missed him already. But it was strange. When he wasn't eating I knew something was wrong, but I couldn't let myself believe that it could be that bad. I thought maybe he was just being moody. When they told me he was in pain, the decision was made for me. I couldn't let him live like that.

They let Mark (my boyfriend) and me be alone with Windsor in a room for a while. He layed on the table and purred while I stroked his beautiful gray fuy. I put my face next to his and whispered that I loved him, and that he was such a good kitty and that I would never forget him.

I had never had to do anything like that before so I just wasn't sure what the rules were. I could have stayed in that room with him for hours saying goodbye. The vet was so kind. She came back in and she said to take as much time as I needed. Mark was a great support too. And there was Windsor. The longer I said goodbye the longer I would extend his pain that he couldn't tell me about. Why can't cats talk to make it easier for us? Windsor couldn't tell me what he wanted me to do. I wished he could have.

Finally, I knew I had to tell the vet to come back in. She asked me if I wanted to hold him when he received the shot. Again, I wasn't sure, but I didn't want Windsor to leave thinking I wasn't there for him, so I stayed. I held his little paw and stroked his head.

She gave him the shot and I knew it was over. Mark held me as my tears dripped onto Windsor's fur.

I knew he wasn't in pain anymore. But I missed him, and still do.