Just When you Think its Over

After countless attemps, of trying to find true love, and finding nothing but empty releationships. Just when I was at the breaking point, and rallying around the thought of giving up, A small glimpse of light shimmers down, the pitch black tunnel, I called my life.

         Days, months, years have passed and still I sat. With no one to call my own. I had been any relationships, all which had failed, still with no one to call my own. Things appeared fine, I walked with a smile, but if you could read my mind, you would shiver. Thoughts of dying alone, just hit so close to home. As I thought I had exhausted my "love". But was it "love", no I had only thought maybe it could have been. Hey I was young with a crush! Never knew feelings, or understood this thing people called "love".

         I'm now sixteen, and dating a girl, who only used me just to get by. I never told her I loved her, she never told me it either, why? Because you don't call a cat a dog. It was only strong feelings for a friend, I had had, and would eventually lose. The first year of dating everything seemed ok, of course we argued a bit. The second year was all down hill, she seemed to distance herself. I ignored the signs, cause I used to trust people, especially ones whom had been loyal friends. My buddies told me she was cheating, I didn't want to believe them. I thought maybe they were just jealous. Two years had past, a relationship trashed, the bitch had wasted my time. I caught her red handed, with one of my friends. Friends, well I thought, he was that. I simply turned around without a sound, and approached her later that day. My friend tried to hide, but I could deny the fact that I already knew. I shoved him and hit him, could never forgive him, how dare he call himself my friend. The girl was a tramp, and had begged for me back, but I told her to kiss my ass. I had finally saw, that you can't trust at all. Friends backstab quicker than strangers.

         I had given up, thought I would never find someone to grow old with. Now nineteen, relationships were only lasting a couple of weeks. I approached relationships different, without trusting, without attaching, hoping to find the one to cling. One year later now twenty, still going through the same thing. I put on a smile, people thought I was happy, when really I was dying inside.

         One night in December, a night to remember I felt something very strange. I was at a friends, and a girl came over, she was obviously pregnant. Her name, Amanda, a face I couldn't forget, I was there for mere seconds, just greeted, and said my goodbyes. Something, inside me was burning just lightly, it was something I saw in her eyes. I had to find a way to reach her, to talk to her, something was telling me to. One day on my computer, popped up the screen name "panda moo", I knew it was her, cause as I remebered my friend had me message her one day. Something made me keep her on my list, my opening statement to her was "hey". We talked for a while I acted like I didn't know it was her. We talked and we talked, and we talked and we talked, till one day we went out for dinner, it was January 12th, 2006, a night which I will never forget. We went out for dinner then, to my house for a movie, we watched "Emily Rose". We laughed as we mocked this supposed "horror" which was more like a comedy. I took her back home, we kissed, I was zoned. I went home feeling like something was missing, something that maybe she took. She stole something from me that day, and that thing that she took was my heart. I stayed with her through birth, even though it wasn't my kid, it was hard on me, someone I loved, thats right LOVED! Was having someone elses kid. I looked passed it though, cause our love was so strong, felt, like I had known her for years. Its been three months now, well almost three, and the love is still here, we moved in together about two weeks after our first date, now we live together, and our love is strong, And we both like each others families. Her mother says were closer than a married couple, but married we soon shall be. I love this girl Amanda, she truely has stolen my heart. She puts up with my craziness, and even laughs when I fart (haha had to add that for you hun ). But back in all seriousness. Her and I shall never part. I love her to death with my heart and soul, shes all I could ever ask for. I love you baby till death do us part. Your my heart my life and my soul.