Pearl

She lies on the cold hard bed staring out into the lifeless city. How could this happen again? She read all the right books, ate the right food but again, she loses her child. Her husband enters the room with a brave smile but she can see right through his facade. As she, he could bare the thought of this happening again. This time they had counted on to be the one. The missing piece to their loving home. Something else to live for. They had tried for years but he ponders to himself 'could I go through this again? Could I watch our hopes and dreams faulter again just as they were beginning?' He shakes his head to numb the throbbing pain crippling his head, his thoughts, his hope. He looked at her wondering how any woman could endour three miscarrages and still go on. He only pulls through because of her optimism. She looks at him, wounded beyond belief, a fallen soldier, a superwoman. She licks her lips, takes a deep breath and asks 'can we take a break?' He sighs with relief. He knows a baby is the dream they both share but was it worth it?
The pain of her past torment washed away in that moment. That glorious moment when she finally let her guard down. He did too, she could see it in his eyes. His eyes danced across the screen in bewilderment. They made it and they weren't even trying! She was to have a baby. She was well into her second trimester and looking at the ultrasound of a healthy baby, a picture of life that they were to share, was like striking gold. There unborn child was growing, moving, kicking. Everything was fine. Her ever expanding belly was carrying the single thing they have dreamed of for years. The best thing to ever happen to them. It was finally all falling into place. Her looked at her and nodded his head. 'Thats our baby' he thought to himself as he watched her smile expand into an outburst of tears and laughter. They did it, it was going to be ok.
They had completed the nursery. The room where an angel was going to lay. They sat in silence as they stared at her belly. The little home their baby was occupying awaiting its long anticipated arrival into world. It was the most amazing feeling to know that miracles could happen after all they had been through.
This was it. Her water broke two hours ago and she was having contractions. It was a bittersweet moment, she laughed between agonizing moments of pain. She didnt care, this was the moment they had been waiting for for ten years. Enduring three painful miscarrages and now a healthy baby was about to come into their life. She was not about to ruin this moment by crying and screaming abuse. She was going to cherish each and every moment of this. A moment she would remember forever.
She held their child in her arms astounded at how small every feature was on its beautiful body. Ten tiny fingers, ten petite toes. He cradles his wife in his arms not taking his eyes off his family. This is what he is now living for. This is why he will get out of bed everyday. To have a beautiful memory of how his child slept, how his child wept, how his child smiled. He wanted to see every smile on that beautiful face, to see that first step. The milestones he will favour forever.
She woke to the joyful coos coming from the room down the hall. She loved waking up to that noise. It was the best thing she would hear all day. Their baby was awake and ready to start another day.
The next day he woke up in a cold sweat. He didnt know why, he didn't dream, he wasnt sick. He tried to answer why today didn't feel right, what was something missing. It was seven o'clock. The time he usually wakes up with his wife to hear the coos of a healthy happy baby calling them from down the hall, he went to sleep every night just to wake up to that noise. He looked beside him, his wife silently twiching while dreaming. She always twitched while she was dreaming but could never remember her dreams. He could watch her for hours. He stretched and pondered wheather to get out of bed. The child wasn't awake yet, he could sleep for another hour. His wife will wake up soon and then he cant start his day.
He woke up to a blood curding scream. It was coming from down the hall, it was his wife. He jumped out of bed and swallowed hard as his stomach threatened to explode. Please let everything be ok, maybe she just fell, maybe she was just being clumsy. Every step down that hallway was nauseating. Each step he was getting closer to her cries. He took a deep breath and wrapped his arms around her.
'Could I of saved my child?' he thought to himself as he did every morning as he awoke from another harrowing night. If he got out of bed that one hour earlier could he of moved her blanket? He ran to the bathroom to be sick as he shivered uncontrollably. Once his baby died so did his marrage. He had since moved on with another woman but had not moved on from the baggage he had carried for a year. A year today. His child died. Their miracle baby, gone. He sucked it up and went to join her on the balcony to suffer through another day. His eyes met hers and she puts on a fake smile. The type of smile you put on when you have some awkward news. She didnt have to say anything, I just uncomfortably smiled back as whisked her into my arms. I knew by her smile. She was happy but was scared to tell me the news I wanted so badly to hear but at the same time was utterly terrified. She was pregnant.
She clung to the little pearl pendant hanging aroung her neck. She didn't want to let go. Not of the memories, not of the happiness. She couldn't, she had too many people to be strong for. Too many faces depending on her smile. Her triumph. She had hidden her pain for a year now and everyone she knew was monitoring her. Her family, her friends, she couldn't crack, she had to stay strong. She just couldn't believe he was to have a baby. Something they had cherished for only 3 short months. Does he still hurt? There was nothing for her to do but run. She ran as far as her legs would carry her. She tried to outrun the pain. She screamed as she ran, the cold hard tears streaming down her face, making her numb as they dried in the breeze. She fell to her knees in a crumbled heap, screaming, crying as she desperately tries to hold on to the little things. Her smile, her laughter, her joy. She was still with her but not within reach. She realised she will never hold that little body in her arms again, never kiss that soft head again, wake up to the coos coming softly from the room down the hall. Silence. Never more. It wasnt meant to end like this. A parent is never supposed to bury their child. She cannot leave, she should be in her arms. Her strong protective arms, sheltered from the harsh dence world that continues to crash around her feet. No matter what she is sheltered, protected, safe. He was to now share that joy again, protect a life of his own, something they should be experiencing. That killed her. So now what? The world stops? No, but your soul does. Her heart ached, her head pounded, her eyes remained wet and puffy but the world does not stop. What does she do now? Admit defeat and face reality? That scares her, shakes her to the core. She buries her head in her hands wanting to never see daylight again. Just her, it doesnt matter what happens next but just to savior the precious dimples her cheeks made when she saw ice cream. To see the lines on her smooth forehead that appeared when she got awoken by the the orange sunlight streaming through her pink lace curtains. Never more. It was not meant to be.
Over the years she excepted that fact. It helped that he let her be part of his childs life. She treated that child as her own. She loved that child as much as she could but it was never as much as she loved her child, her one and only. She never would love anything like that again, even if she was to go on to have another child. She would never fully open her heart again. She would remain guarded, only to fully belong to her only daughter. Her precious little girl, her miracle baby, Pearl.