We are the men of mud

If you think about things, you’re not gonna get through this.

I know

Just be. Just exist. You can make yourself happy without thoughts. Sunshine enters not through the eyes or through the skin, but through the head. And when you learn how to achieve happiness without thought even dying roses can make you happy. Because it’s what dying roses mean to us that makes them so sad. If they mean nothing you can see how beautiful they are. And they are; as everything is.

But I don’t know how to achieve happiness without thought. That's who we are, you know, that all we are- I define myself through my thoughts. Without them my life would mean nothing to me. So I can’t help but think it.

Think what, exactly?

Think that happiness only exists in the love between man and women...true love that is...
satisfying love...I mean, I have terrific highs-when I'm higher than the junkies shooting up in
the cubicles of Kings cross. And I'm somewhere where no one can reach me or imagine where I am. And that’s magic...when someone can create these feelings themselves. But what follows is an unbroken marriage between ecstasy and tremendous lows. Lows only someone so high can understand. Normal, everyday people, who get excited about their favourite song being played on the radio, almost have nowhere to fall. Some do. Some find pot-holes. And some find canyons-but there is this black universe, an infinite melancholy abyss out there that they’ll never find. And that’s why I’m here. Because, I guess, thoughts have led me here. My basic happiness transcends from the love of a woman; and so too does my sadness....I've been thinking about this for a while and I think that If I can find contentness in solitude I can be a complete man.

No! No don’t ever think that. We aren’t wired that way. You’ll end up at the bottom of a cliff if you believe that. Let me tell you something someone once said to me;
In the beginning god created heaven and earth. He then thought that what the world needed was light. Something to brighten the universe-and he said ‘let there be light’. And since there was light. And the sun that you can see in sky- and hear, if your quiet and still enough, appeared and began exchanging gases to create heat and light energy. And the men of mud and molecules began farming and the plants began photosynthesising. Darkness remained however. Darkness was inescapable. Light was made in equal quantities to darkness so that neither one nor the other would become more precious to all the living creatures. God’s work symbolised his beliefs. Not what is wrong and right, but how live and be happy. God knew the formula to happiness but he never followed it. And this explains the creation of earth; of light and of, more importantly, darkness. Before light, the universe was never considered dim or ill-lit. It just was. The absence of light symbolised not sadness but contentness and boredom. ‘Let there be light’-----And there was DARKNESS. And the ever increasing volumes of the universe that weren’t lit become cold and damp and empty. Don't you see!
LIGHT ONLY CREATES MORE DARKNESS
This is a cruel universe! Life is terrible! We start off stupid and dribbling and we learn about things and then we get even dumber and then we get older and our hair falls out and we start dribbling again...and really hurting. And then we die and people start forgetting us and over the years photos of you become rarer and rarer and the ones that exist begin to look like ancient treasure maps and deteriorate at the edges and creases.
Life Is dumb! And pointless.

I came pretty fucking depressed already! I can't fucking believe I'm spending-

But it can be as sweet as honey. Sure, there's the love between men and women but there’s
Beethoven, and Louis Armstrong and Roman architecture and Woody Allen. The fact that we are without reason means that we can take whatever we want from the world and we don't need to explain ourselves to no one. There is no basis to knowledge and thoughts. There is no lucidity to any thought. They're tangled and confused and shuffled. So don't think that you have to be someone-that you have to be clever and thoughtful because a life examined is not a life worth living...
Do you believe in God?

...I guess not

What does that mean?

Well I don't disbelieve in him-is what I mean. I think it’s stupid to pretend to believe in something that ultimately has no effect, whether you do or don't believe, on your life. But
I don't see what this has to do with my situation.

Don't you see? You proved exactly what I just said. You contradict yourself so openly and
stupidly--and that’s fine...your human. You said that 'you think it’s stupid to believe in something that ultimately has no effect on your life whether you believe or not'. Well why do you believe black roses are so sad. Whatever has a black rose ever done to make you sad. And what ever has the sun done to make you happy. They don't. Your pretending to believe in something because your heads so filled with these trite and mindless connections between objects-between thoughts- and the feelings which they evoke. It's all in your head. The basis of everything-
knowledge and thoughts and feeling has its roots in belief. You have to believe IN happiness.
or else it won't believe in you. 'Cos right now I don't think either of you believe in one another. And that equates to a life of unhappiness. Because when you don't believe in happiness what else do you have to believe in.
You're unhappy because ultimately you wanna be... or... you're stuck in that black abyss.

Well how do I get out?

How DO YOU get out?