I just don't like people....

I am a self-confessed meanie. I don’t like being nice. It’s just not in my nature to be nice. However, some people are completely oblivious to this fact and insist on talking to me in situations where I cannot release myself from their grasp quick enough.

I'm a slender young thing with dark hair who looks far older than her sixteen years. Many people mistake me for twenty to twenty-three, which has its advantages. And its disadvantages.

Surprising someone with my age is incredibly satisfying. The most gratifying way to shut down a man who is way to old for you is by answering his questions honestly.

Men in their late twenties, relatively attractive, somewhat intelligent, misinformed about their ability to be witty and a knack for hitting on the wrong girls always seem to flock to me, like flies to a three-day-old kangaroo carcass on the roadside in January.

Yes, that's right, I am 'the wrong girl'. I am twisted, sadistic, cruel and young enough to get you in trouble. Yes, my top is low enough for you to get a glimpse of my breasts. And yes, that is a hickey on my neck.

It may be noted that I'm wearing a bandage on my right wrist. Laughing and saying "Hit your boyfriend too hard?" is not original. It's not funny. Domestic violence is not humourous. Would you like me to deck you?

I go to salsa once a week. It may be noted that salsa is populated by a majority of couples, some single girls, and rarely the single male who wants to pick up.

At this point, I'm hot, I'm sweaty and somewhat dizzy. I can't hear you properly. I don't care what your name is, all I know is that you walked in holding hands with that girl and you're going to walk out holding hands with her. Don't hit on me.

Then of course, there are those who don't think that age is a barrier. Let me tell you something sweetheart, age is a very big barrier - if you're more than four years older than me, you get seven years minimum for statutory rape.

I hate walking down the highway. Especially if I'm wearing a skirt and heels. I try my damndest to not only look hot, but really high maintenance. But some 'thrill-seekers' [see 'wanker'] see that as a challenge. Don't you dare honk at me you socially retarded ape. Do you really think that's going to earn you more than a sharp slap? Yes I'm well aware that this skirt is rather short and is at the mercy of the wind. By all means, have a perve, I'm only here for your viewing pleasure.

But if you dare holler at me out of a car window, the entire highway will know that you're attempting to pick up a minor. Don't you retort that I'm legal and that'll do, I remind you that you have GOT to be over five years older than me and the boys in prison will make a man out of your arsehole.