Can I?

Can I cry now or do I
have to wait for you?
Can I make my heart stop?
Or do I have to wait for your okay?
Can I have a switch to my heart?
To turn off its feeling,
to make me numb on the inside...
Can I keep myself from falling apart?
Or am I going to break down and cry again?
Why am I feeling so heavy hearted?
Why am I even at the point of caring?
I just want to say good bye,
but I know the feelings will still be.
The same for you as they are now...
How my heart it beats for you,
but I fall apart to keep you...
these tears they are running down...
even as I write these words...
how did I get to this place?
Where I keep getting cut skin deep?
Can’t I please have a switch...
to turn these feeling off,
to stop my endless destruction?
I hate having such a heart that feels...
I hate knowing I’m alive and feeling...
Can't this pain pass and leave me now?
Can I break down and build again?
Can't I have my wish come true...
to be with you, and you with me...
can you stop my heart for me?
Make the blood stop within...
make my mind clear, make me numb?
I feel these tears may never end...
as long as I’m here and your...
out there somewhere...
where is the one for me?
The one who will pull me close?
Where is the one who will take this pain...
heal me... I am on my knees begging now...
Heal this brokeness... heal everything...
I beg you please, find me soon...
don't let me be hard headed...
I just need you to hold me now...