What's in it for you?

I need someone: someone to hold me, talk to me, be real with me, and know who I am.
I need someone to think of me when i'm not around, to love me when they see me at my worst, to care enough to look past my shy facade and discover what lies beneath.

But why should you? I am too shy to allow you to hold me, to scared of what you'll think if I talk to you, and I don't even know myself well enough to be real with you.
Why should you think of me, especially when I am not there? I am not beautiful as I so wish I were, I am not lively enough to catch your attention, I do not deserve your thoughts for I have never tried to do more than think of you.

I am always laughing, always strong; but I am only this way because that's how I am expected to be. I find myself to be a wannabe, trying my best to change into something i'm not.

Yet, when I think about it, I am strong, and I love to laugh. I do care, and I love to be cared for; for that is who I have become, and I find it to be good...but do you?

So what is holding me back? Is it my foolish pride? Is it my need to be accepted? I always wonder what others are thinking of me. I want to know if they think i'm a stupid fluff wanting to be smart and witty. I want to know if they are judging me wrongly; but is it fair that I judge them?

Am I the only one who feels this way? Am I the only one desparate for someone?

All of these questions, and there are so few answers. I try so hard to let them go and let time take care of itself.

I should give in and give up my fears, for they have gained me nothing.
Yet, I still wonder...where are you? Do you care for me too? Do you think of me only because I need you to, or because you need me to think of you?

There is one consolation.

God does and slways will be the One...

to hold me.

to talk to me.

to think of me when I'm not there.

to care enough to see past my silly, prideful facade...

all this, even when He know who (exactly) I am.