My First Piece

With a shaking hand Matt pulled back the curtain slightly and his eyes were met with a blinding sudden flash of the stage lights. He had been trying to look at the audience, wondering who was there, how many people? Nerves started to tingle in the pit of his stomach, and even though he hadn’t eaten anything today, he felt as though he wanted to be sick. This was his first performance as a professional guitarist with his own band. A momentous occasion…but even though he wanted to enjoy himself and be the best tonight, he knew that he couldn’t…because she wasn’t there. Vanessa. The name resounded in his head like an echo of the past.

Obviously he’d played in front of audiences before; that was how his band was ‘spotted’ and signed to a famous record company. She always told him jokingly that it was because she’d been at every performance; always supportive, that they’d got their deal. She was like a lucky charm for them. He’d laugh when she said this, and they would both dissolve into fits of giggles as they always used to, but tonight he was beginning to wonder whether she was right. After all, he’d never felt this strange nervous feeling before.

Shrugging it off, he walked backstage to where the rest of his band members were residing. A tall man with long dreadlocks wound into his hair, the drummer, handed Matt a cold beer in an attempt to calm his nerves. Matt accepted it gladly, wiping the condensation from the bottle with his slender fingers, trying not to think of the huge audience waiting for the band’s debut performance. Despite the other members talking easily about their instruments, their solos in certain songs and other things concerning their performance, Matt still couldn’t tear his mind away from her. It had been weeks since he’d seen her…

Neither of them had felt comfortable seeing each other, both of them wanting to conceal the heartache from the other. This hadn’t been easy, especially for Matt, who was used to seeing her everyday. Well…maybe not everyday. That was why she’d ended it; he was spending too much time away from home, doing gigs with the band, or practicing, or going to parties. She told him that of course she didn’t want to stand in the way of his dreams, but enough was defiantly enough.
He remembered that night with intense pain; the way that they had both cried, and then she’d packed her small brown duffel bag, and driven out of his life.

“Matt? Earth to Matt?” called a short man wearing black leather; the bassist. The rest of the band was aware of Matt’s recent break up with his girlfriend Vanessa. They were all fond of her, and still didn’t know the real reason for the break up, but they’d noticed that Matt wasn’t himself lately; staring into space all the time, and not putting any effort into his music. They all knew that it was because she was gone.

Shaking himself out of the trance, Matt joined in with the discussion, ignoring the questioning looks from the other members. He knew that they all wondered why she had stopped coming to practices, but he didn’t have the heart to tell them why. He felt like he didn’t want to say the reason for the break up, because that would make it final…and despite everything, he still loved her.

A large balding man lumbered over to the band who were standing casually backstage, “ You’re on in 5 guys, okay?” And without waiting for an answer he moved away.
‘This is it’ thought Matt anxiously. The band looked at one another…then gathered their instruments…ready.

***
Since the breakup Vanessa had spent most evenings at home, going to bed early, hoping for a release from the pain that she felt now that he wasn’t part of her life anymore.

Tonight was one of those nights. She knew that Matt’s band was playing their first proper gig as professionals. As she crawled into her empty double bed she thought about all of the times that she’d been to watch them in the past. She had been there the night that the band had been approached by the record company that had now signed them. She had shared the same elation that the band had felt knowing that someone had enjoyed their music, and now they were able to make a career by doing something that they all loved. Being a journalist, she was the one who had gained support for the band by writing regular columns about them because they were a local band. Because she loved him.

But after he’s started spending more and more time away from her, she began to feel like something was missing. It wasn’t jealousy that gave rise to these emotions, it was simply that she felt neglected, and Matt just didn’t understand…

Suddenly Vanessa shivered; the bed felt a lot colder than it ever had done. She felt alone, which was a regular emotion lately.

After a few minutes she realized that she wouldn’t be able to sleep tonight. It felt strange knowing that he was playing in front of an audience that she wasn’t part of. For once, she wouldn’t be able to smile at him from the audience. For once, she wouldn’t experience the familiar proudness as he walked on to the stage, because, for once, she wouldn’t be there.

He’d sent her a ticket of course. As soon as she received it, she noticed that familiar handwriting on the envelope and her heart fluttered. With the ticket there was a small note, which simply said;
“How will I manage it without my lucky charm? Love always…..”
It had brought tears to her eyes when she read it, and it still did. Sitting up in her bed, she wondered if she would ever get over him. Or whether she even wanted to.
She didn’t want to get over him. She didn’t want to be without him.
After establishing this decision in her head, she rose from her empty bed and hurriedly dressed…


***

Matt stood on the stage, where he truly felt that he belonged. The band had played their first song, which was by far their best, and all had gone well in Matt’s mind. Playing music was the only thing that would take his mind off her.
Almost blinded by the bright lights glaring at him, he scanned the audience, knowing in his heart that she wouldn’t be there, even though he’d sent her a ticket. He had wanted her to be there; somehow it would help his performance to see her face in the crowd.

Just as he was about to play the opening notes for the next song, he looked up and his eyes met with someone familiar, someone who had fought their way right to the front of the crowd, just to see him. He saw those green eyes that he loved so much, even now. They lit up when the connection was made between his own and those familiar eyes. He could recognize them anywhere.
Smiling and Proud…She was there, as she always had been.