Aren't We Animals?

Aren’t We Animals?

I’m stuck behind a big guy in a little Geo with a PETA bumper sticker, and I snicker. Not out of disrespect, mind you, but because we are in the Taco Bell drive thru, and also, the insanity in PETA’s tactics scares me. I read the fine print on the sticker, “People Eating Tasty Animals", it says. Now I understand.

I smile and fling an exaggerated laugh toward my friend Val in the passenger seat, and wait for a reaction, but she isn't paying attention. I tell her to look over at the guy’s bumper sticker, and as I expect, she isn’t amused.
She orders her Crunch Wrap, and I my “hard-shelled, crunchy tacos” and the politically incorrect sticker disappears with the Geo. We get our food, every item heavily laced with the famous Taco Bell brand Bovine Mush.

“That’s dumb. It isn’t even a funny joke. Do you know how much suffering animals go through because of humans?” Val asks me, taking a big bite out of her hexagonal taco disc.

“Don’t go joining PETA, now,” I plead.

"It’s so terrible! What they do to them in those slaughter houses, it’s like torture. It's the most horrible death you could imagine!" Val says.

"Val, you eat Taco Bell almost everyday, and their meat is made out of cows, I think,” I tell her.

“Well, it’s better than a steak or some other part that actually looks like a cow, that’s creepy,” she says.

“No way! C’mon, Val. You don’t think that a bunch of cow mush, which probably comes from like, 10,000 ground up cows, with chemicals and artificial flavoring, and whatever other shit they use as a filler, is somehow ethically better than a steak, from one animal?” I’m shocked. Does she really think their meat is better?

“I don’t know, that isn’t the point, though. The point is that killing animals is bad, no matter what the reason, because we can survive without doing it,” she contends.

“Hypocrite,” I mutter.

We don’t shake the animal debate that day, or any other day; because it has been raging between us ever since Val decided she doesn't believe in eating meat anymore (At least only the kind of meat that's fresh and you can identify what kind of animal it came from). It is an ongoing discussion; a casual argument between friends. She doesn’t like to eat meat, I do. That’s fine. My problem lies in the fact that apparently, this special vegetarian variation of hers does not exclude fast food meats.

We pull into a parking lot on a different day, half eaten sacks of Taco Bell food on the back seat. The green pickup parked ahead of us is plastered with Ducks Unlimited, NRA, and St. Anthony’s Gun Club stickers. Other vehicles down the line have a similar assortment of bumper stickers supporting the sport of hunting.

“Sad. Why do all these cars have hunting stickers on them?” Val asks.

I point up and ahead at the monstrous store before us. “Two words, Sportsman’s Warehouse.”

“I don’t think hunting and killing deer or ducks or anything else is ethical, either. Hunters do it because it’s fun. It’s a thrill, a sport! To me, that’s evil. They aren’t doing it because they have to feed their family, or anything. Just for fun. It’s sick,” Val condemns.

“Hey, I live in northern Minnesota. We have to control the deer population you know.” I say with slight sarcasm. “Besides, when my family hunts, they share the meat cuts with anyone in the family who wants them. The food goes a long way, and it’s free from force fed chemicals.”

“Yeah, but you don’t have to eat that. We’re living in the age of supermarkets, you know.”

“Yeah, in this part of the world, maybe. And didn’t you say the way they harvest cattle is a horrific crime, anyway? I would think you’d rather people mercifully shot their meat, instead of “growing” it, and slaughtering animals by the tens of thousands.”

We are just sitting in the car, and I want to go get my new CD from Best Buy, but I also want my point to be heard.

“Whatever, Jess. It’s still a malicious killing. There is a whole morbid business fashioned around hunting, as if it’s a happy, fun time for everyone. Then they take those terrible trophy pictures, and hold the deer’s dead face to the camera. That’s sad, and really disgusting. I hate it.”

“Animals have to kill other animals in order to eat. That’s nature. It’s just the way things are supposed to work”, I tell her, matter of fact-ly.

“Yeah, because animals can’t grow their own food, stupid! Or build supermarkets!”

“Well, aren’t we animals?” I can tell by the exasperated look on her face that I’m not swaying her opinion.

I have no other valid argument to offer her but the whole “man needs to satisfy his primal instincts to hunt and kill” theory, but I don’t feel like talking about this anymore, and don’t even know if I fully believe it myself. Perhaps I’ll use that one during our next friendly dispute.

“Val, it’s worse at Taco Bell, because they mush up the cow’s bodies. That adds insult to injury, don’t you think?”

“Well, I’m just going to get my Crunch-Wrap without meat from now on, then. It’ll taste just as good.”

“No it won’t, that cow mush tastes good, and you know it.” I say. I look down at my cold taco mush. “I don’t even like Taco Bell anyway.”