The God Thing

In the beginning, the earth came together with a big boom. It was like magic and it suddenly all appeared one day. God came along with the big boom, bringing along good and bad in everything he was about to create.
God got a little confused on his way to creating all this goodness. He made animals of all shapes and sizes, reptiles too, like iguanas. Oh yeah, then some dinosaurs came but then soon died off. He created monkeys that would soon evolve into humans, but he also plopped two random humans, Adam and Eve, down on this earth. He couldn’t get it straight so there were two stories created: one for the believers in god, and one for the nonbelievers.
God created the oceans. The beautiful oceans that make people like me happy. The once place I can go to and be completely happy and forget about everything that sucks. With these oceans, God created waves that provide hours of fun for everyone that can swim. God probably wasn’t thinking this all through at the moment he was creating this place called earth, because within these oceans he created those sea monsters and sharks that end up biting peoples’ legs off and killing them. He created whales that swallow Pinocchio. God created morons that like to waste their money on tickets for whale watching boats. These people would run to each side of the boat to take snap shots of these huge animals. To be honest, if I were a whale I would not some huge rusty boat coming into my house so people can peek in and look at me eat. Overall, the ocean was a good creation.
God created the sky and the birds. The sky is made bright blue, but changes with the weather, just like my eyes and mood. He made the birds of all kinds that fly around in the sky to keep busy. He also made those birds that relieve themselves on my picnic lunch outside and those that creep me out and eat dead animals. He made those cute little birds that hop around my backyard eating from the bird feeder.
God created all kinds of people. People that will be my friends, pretend to be my friends, and hate me. He created the best people in the world to be my friends and they will always be here and I know, he made them just for me.
He made those “friends” who will pretend to be my friends until they get really super jealous and do something stupid to ruin the friendship. The type of people who say they’re going to beat me up when really it’s all talk and no action. He made the type of girls that like to steal boyfriends, or at least try to. They like to steal your clothes and hair clips. God made the type that would talk behind your back about anything and everything about you. Some friends. Who knows what he was thinking. Maybe he wanted to spice things up a bit.
God made the type of girls that have a metabolism at super speed. They can eat whatever they want and not gain a pound. God put them there to make everyone else jealous, but forgot to give most skinny girls a personality. It’s the girls that got lucky with both that you need to look out for.
God also made boys. Boys that will break my heart and boys that I’ll want to keep forever. He made boys that are my best friends that I can go to shows with and late night IHOP trips. He made boys that will call me at 3 am to sing me a love song or just to wake me up because he feels like it. God made boys that come to my house to fall off the giant rock and scrap his knee. God created boys so I could have fun, because he knew that I wouldn’t get along well with girls.
God created musicians. The boys that every girl will fall for because he actually has feelings. He has a passion for music and knows how to get his point across with a little melody. The boys won’t care what people think of them so they dress like hippies and refuse to cut their hair just because they doesn’t want to.
God made people that would invent stuff to make the world easier. He made people who made electric can openers and automatic car starters and ipods. He made the people who wouldn’t get any action in high school but once he created his life saving device such as the computer, all the little girlies wanted him because he was loaded with the Benjamins. God created people who created canned soup and prepackaged meats and grapes already conveniently picked off the vine. God created people that created cell phones so that no one ever had privacy ever again. People can always be contacted, even on their vacation. Teenage girls can whip out their cell phones and call up their best friends and ask about the lasted scoop on Ryan and Jessica and ask if they “did it” yet. Because, it’s just so important.
God saw how screwed up it was and no one ever saw him again.