TEARS

I cant stop the tears
they just keep coming
pouring down my face,
I want them to stop.
I want the pain to go away
I want to die becuase of the pain
How much more can I take?

Each day it gets harder to bear
harder to hold on
each day I think of him
and I cry just a little longer
each day
each night
he is on my mind

I just want the distance to end
I want to be able to hold him
to hug him
to cover his face with loving kisses
I want him back
where he belongs
to never let him go again

I feel like its myfault
that I could have done something to stop it
that I should have done this
or that
To know he may never return home
to make this family complete
just breaks my heart even more.

He may only be 6 years old
but inside he is older then old
his soul is strong
yet is his heart?
How does he feel about being so far away from
mommy, daddy evan, sissy and AJ?
Not knowing what has happend
not understanding why?
Not knowing that the other 2 are gone as well
That the only ones keeping this family togather
whole and complete
is Jonathan, AJ and Eme.

How do you explain to a 6 year old
that is its his dad's fault he is there
not here where he should be?

Does he still think about us? Does he still love us all?
I have only seen him once since Sept 6th!! that was only for 2 days.
He was not who he was the day his father took him
away from the only family he ever knew.
He was distant and far away
like he was not my Pooh Bear any more.

How do I go on? How do I keep fighting
to bring this family back?
To make it whole again?
How can one with soo much pain not want to give up?

I wait each day for the answers to my nightly
questions!!
But as each day goes, I have none come to me.
I cry myself to sleep each night for my first born son.

The saddest thing is I only lost 1 blood child
my love lost all of his. It sucks.
I am not the only one hurting
each and everyone who knows us is.
All our family is in the pain with us.

Daniel you are loved and deeply missed.
Love Mommmy