Road Rage

“Will you get a bloody move on?” Arnie stuck his head out the window and continued his bantering. “What do you think this is, a funeral procession?”

“Will you relax? The traffic’s backed up, that’s all.”

“No, it’s not. Drivers like that just slow everybody down.”

“We’ll get there when we get there.”

“Move, you old fart. If you can’t drive, give your license back.”

“We have lots of time.”

“No, we don’t. We have a deadline to meet.”

“Look around. Everyone is stuck here. There’s nothing you can do about it.”

“Now look at this idiot behind us. He thinks I’m the one causing all the problems. Don’t tailgate me, you asshole. I’ve a good mind to go back there and teach him a thing or two.”

“What would that accomplish?”

“Nothing, but it would serve him right.”

“Maybe, you shouldn’t have had those last three beers. You know how impatient that makes you.”

“Are you telling me I shouldn’t be driving?”

“No. I’m just trying to have a stress free trip this time.”

“Don’t patronize me. You know I hate that.”

“Fine. I’m sorry.”

“Now what does this guy want?”

“He’s waving a flashlight, I think.”

“Who’s he think he is, a cop or something.”

“Maybe there’s an accident up ahead.”

“Yeah. You’re right. Looks like a fender bender.”Arnie blew into his hand and smelled the alcohol. “Good thing he’s not a cop.” He stuck his head out the window. “Heh, Mack. How long will this mess take to clear up.”

“Shouldn’t be long. Tow truck is on the way.”

“What happened?”

“Guy made a wrong turn on one way. Nothing serious.”

“Anybody hurt?”

“No. Just a few scrapes.”

“Thanks.” Arnie closed his window and looked at his friend. “See. I told you. Some old fart who can’t even see over the steering wheel. Now look, that turkey behind me is trying to sneak around and get in front. I’ll fix his wagon. Damn tourists.”

Arnie steered hard right forcing the driver behind him to back off. “That will teach him.”

“Look. If you can’t settle down, let me drive or let me out. I have better things to do than listen to you all day. You’re very annoying when you get like this.”

“Okay. Okay. I get the point. I’m sorry.”

“Good. Now you know what to do.”

Arnie flicked a button on his phone. “Ladies and Gentlemen. This is your Captain speaking. It seems our flight is going to be slightly delayed, this afternoon.”