Choice is Happy Now

It was so much deeper than a pity for myself,
The walls of my prison were too tall even for the most caring love to penetrate,
And so despite all the loving sentiments I felt completely alone.
It was a total inability to feel what was said to me,
And expressing myself became an impossibility.
How can you explain something you don’t fully understand?
I was too afraid of talking about how I felt,
Especially when the catalyst was so perceivably trivial.
No loved one had died, No terminal illness, No near death experience.
Yet I couldn’t let go, I couldn’t move on, I couldn’t ‘just find someone else’.
I doubted I had the means to convey just how much I loved her, how her actions had destroyed my faith in love, and how it had shattered an already fragile self-esteem.
So I didn’t discuss it, at least not at length,
I just hid behind my glass smile and screamed inside.

I never realised the door was in my head,
With the click of a lock, it all starts to fall away.

While I could never do it,
Suicide wasn’t a thought that was foreign to me,
Life wasn’t offering much as in incentive for living,
Though in truth I wasn’t looking,
But an understanding of what it would do to those who loved, and the one who left me, was enough to dissuade me from this course.
I hadn’t yet reached the point of absolute selfishness necessary to betray them.
So I just carried on behind my glass smile and lied about what I felt inside.

I never realised the door was in my head,
With the click of a lock it all starts to fall away.
Just have the courage, to push it open wide,
To take that first step out into the light, the light.

You have a choice,
Leave the cells,
Face your fears,
Face your thoughts,
And change them.

I never realised the door was in my head,
With the click of a lock it all starts to fall away.
Just have the courage, to push it open wide,
To take that first step out into the light, the light.