A few suggestions for Barbie

I saw a bumper sticker the other day that read "I want to be like Barbie. That bitch has everything!" She does have it all...as long as we buy her friends, nice cars, dream houses, even the perfect job.

Am I the only one that wants to see Barbie dressed in frumpy sweatpants and an old T-shirt in the throes of PMS hell? This could be a new concept for Mattel. PMS Barbie. Just push her button and she'll whine phrases such as "I want chocolate!" "Pass the Mydol!" and "I'm so bloated."

If Barbie is the all-American girl, why don't we see her driving an old clunker around? Why don't we see her on the side of the road, flames shooting from under the hood, waiting for Ken to come to her rescue? Barbie, I'm pleased to gleefully inform you that Ken has sold your dream house and ran off to Cancun with your sister Skipper.

I want to see Reality Barbie. Let's see her juggle the rent and other bills on her minimum wage factory job. I want to see worry lines and under eye circles from wondering if you'll make enough this week to put food on the table.

Barbie, you're now 46. It's time to let your age shine through. Show off the wrinkles previously hidden. Let the world see your now sagging boobs and drooping ass. Did you think we wouldn't notice the marks from liposuction on those thunder thighs?

Barbie, take it from a REAL woman. Perfection is just an illusion. Try actually being what you aspire to be, the all-American girl. The experiences and stresses of life are what make us human. It's okay to make a mistake or occasionally be seen with a hair out of place. Until you learn that, you're just plastic.

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