Ashley the Duck Goes to the Circus

There was once a duck named Ashley. Ashley didn't live with other ducks, she lived in an alley in the city, getting by with any food she could find and welfare checks. One day, she was walking home from the welfare office with a couple of new checks when she noticed an odd poster on the side of "The Erected Pole", a strip joint with an apparent since of class. Ashley couldn't read, but she saw pictures of an elephant and some people doing somersaults and came to the conclusion that it must be a Rhinoplasty clinic. As Ashley gazed stupidly at the poster, as ducks tend to do, her friend Brandon the bat came walking by.

Ashley saw Brandon and quacked happily, "Hey Brandon, lets go to the Rhinoplasty clinic!" she exclaimed.

"Ashley, you dumb fuck, that's not a poster for a Rhinoplasty clinic! that's a poster for the circus!" Brandon replied.

"Well, lets go to the circus then!"

"Okay."

So Ashley and Brandon headed off to the circus. When they go there, they were amazed by what they saw. There were albino people with too much makeup and weird hair, there were people eating what appeared to be pink-fuzzy hair, there were hicks who had ruined there chances at getting real jobs that you would never see in the city, and there big boxes that people would get into after eating the corndogs. After looking stupidly at all this for a full five minutes, Brandon and Ashley went to buy their tickets.

"Do you take welfare checks?" Ashley asked the cashier.

"No, go away!" the cashier bluntly replied.

"Now how are we gonna get in?" asked Ashley. Just then, a hooker came around the corner.

"Are you looking for a good time?" she asked Ashley and Brandon.

"Duh, we're at the circus!" Ashley replied.

"Do you take welfare checks?" Brandon asked the hooker?

"I sure do," replied the hooker, "and visa, master card, phone cards, and bus tokens."

And so Brandon gave the hooker one of Ashley?s welfare checks which bought him about two hours of "good time".

"You go ahead with that, I'm gonna find another way into the circus," said Ashley. With that, she went around to the back of the tent to see if there was indeed a way through the impenetrable, cheaply made, paper-thin tarp that made up the main circus tent. As soon as she got to the other side, Ashley saw many funny looking men who were wearing brightly colored clothes, big shoes, lots of makeup, and wigs. Ashley assumed that these were more hookers. Nevertheless, she saw this as an opportunity to get in. As they headed through the back entrance into the tent, Ashley jumped into the group so that she would not be easily seen.

As they all marched in, and Ashley was astonished by the sights and sounds that she was now seeing. There were spotlights everywhere, men who were apparently flying through the air (and apparently gay judging by their attire), and many animals, most of which were in cages. The only animal Ashley saw that wasn't in a cage was a giant kitty getting whipped at by someone playing with a chair. Out of all the attractions in this amazing place, the most stupendous and horrific was the biggest group of people Ashley had ever seen, and they were all ugly as hell.

Ashley stopped marching in shock of all the ugliness coming from the huge audience, causing the clown behind her to step on her webbed foot. Ashley quacked in pain and ran away from the clowns and the audience.

"Huh-uh-uh!" came the stupid laugh from a kid who was wearing a helmet in the audience, "Its a duck!"

As Ashley ran, she looked back to see if she was getting away from the clowns and ugly people. She was relieved to see that she was was making distance due to the fact that no one gave a crap about a duck and would rather elect Jesse Jackson as president than pursue a barnyard animal. While looking back, Ashley couldn't see where she was running and she crashed into a fat, smelly pig, whose name happened to be Manure.

<to be continued....>