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My response to an article by user Georgianna Lyn d'Juracetys |
| The first author I added to my favorites list here on writing.com was Georgianna Lyn d'Juracetys. Here's her link (At least I think she's a she. He can slap me later if I'm wrong.) Georgianna Lyn d'Juracetys   I read an article she wrote titled "Why Don't Vampire's P?" and was amused because the title question is something I'd already asked myself. Here's the link for the article:
Here are some answers to that question I came up with after a little easy brainstorming... Option 1: Vampires DO have to piss now and then. We just never see them do it, at least, not while knowing they are a vampire. Besides, if anyone HAS seen a vampire doing his business, how often would it be important enough to be worth mentioning in a story? Right, about as often as it is to tell about a human doing it. Almost never, unless you're one of those stupid Steve Martin types that has to resort to potty humor to get your laughs. Option 2: Vampire's bodies use ALL of what they drink (Sci-Fi version). There is a MASSIVELY GREAT LOT of energy contained in phisical matter (E = MC^2). What if vamps perform direct conversion of matter to energy like a Star Trek phaser does? (That has always puzzled me by the way. Where does the matter go when a phaser vaporizes something? A book I read, "The Making of Star Trek" by the director of that show, claims that it is direct Matter to Energy Conversion, but that would cause an explosion that would make a crater out of Texas state, or possibly the whole United States.) This hypothesis has strength over option 1 when you consider that Vampires can't possibly be living off of just the chemical energy in what they drink. Any creature trying to do the stuff vampires can do in most stories, off of just the chemical energy in their bodies, would be reduced to white ash before you could say "I have to use the can". Still, if MC squared is how they do it, then why do they need to feed so dang often? Vampiric feats do NOT use that much energy. Have they been holding out on us? *shudder* Option 3: Vampire's bodies use ALL of what they drink (spiritual/paranormal version). Perhaps the stuff a vampire drinks eventually vanishes into the spiritual plane, converted into spiritual energy off of which the vampire sustains itself. Most vampire stories DO at least imply that vampirism is a spiritual, as well as physical, phenomenon. Option 4: This is option 3, but with a twist. I personally maintain that if vampires did exist in real life, they would not really be the person they were when they were alive. They would be the dead corpse of that person, animated by an evil spirit pretending to be that person. Really, if one of my dead relative showed up at my door and tried to sink his or her fangs into my neck, that's what I would believe was happening. That would explain the weak chemical energy problem with Option 1. Perhaps vampires don't keep all the energy they take. Maybe they are demons using the bodies of the dead as hell's crop harvesters. *double shudder* Option 5: Vampires don't exist (duh), BUT... there ARE vampiric humans. That is to say, there are depraved cannibalistic people (probably involved in the occult) that drink the blood of their fellow men and women for some twisted reason, such as a sick delight in the horrible, or in the terror of others, or perhaps to please some demonic god or an evil spirit they are possessed with. I may even find this idea to be a slightly plausible explanation for anything that might point to the existence of vampires in real life. This is of course another "vampires DO excrete" hypothesis, like option 1. But flesh with the life thereof, which is the blood thereof, shall ye not eat. -- Gen 9:4, The Holy Bible, KJV Well, as Georgianna Lyn d'Juracetys said at the end of her article, I hope these ideas result in some good stories being written. They have already shaken loose some ideas in my own head, which are now rattling around in a way that is most irritating, because they refuse to be silenced. They will have me pacing uncontrollably if I'm not careful. Be sure to vote below on which option you think is most likely. TTFN. maybe I'll come back sometime after I'm capable of sitting down again. --Perrinormal |
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