\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Printed from https://writing.com/main/newsletters/action/archives/id/9126-Milk-Run.html
Comedy: September 19, 2018 Issue [#9126]




 This week: Milk Run
  Edited by: Waltz Invictus Author IconMail Icon
                             More Newsletters By This Editor  Open in new Window.

Table of Contents

1. About this Newsletter
2. A Word from our Sponsor
3. Letter from the Editor
4. Editor's Picks
5. A Word from Writing.Com
6. Ask & Answer
7. Removal instructions

About This Newsletter

A corpse is meat gone bad. Well and what's cheese? Corpse of milk.
         -James Joyce

Milk is for babies. When you grow up you have to drink beer.
         -Arnold Schwarzenegger

I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.
         -Woody Allen


Word from our sponsor

ASIN: B07B63CTKX
Amazon's Price: $ 6.99


Letter from the editor

I don't understand humans, so maybe you can explain this to me.

A hurricane is coming. You have a couple days' notice. Within minutes of the announcement, you descend upon the closest supermarket and buy essentials. Milk and bread are sold out faster than tickets to a Jimmy Buffett concert.

Bread, okay, I can see that. But milk? The first thing that happens when a hurricane approaches is the first touch of a breeze blows a twig onto a power line, knocking out electricity to a five-state area. This means your refrigerator quits working. And once the refrigerator quits working, the six gallons of milk you just had to buy from the grocery store go bad in approximately three minutes and twenty-seven point five seconds.

I've been wondering about this for some time. I see it before snowstorms, too, but that at least makes sense because when your power goes out, you can stuff the dairy products into a snowdrift. I've tried asking some humans before, but they just looked at me like I'm some creature from another planet or something.

So, really - why the milk? Are you planning to harness the 100 mph winds to run it through a butter churn? But you were just at the store where you could have bought butter - which has the advantage of lasting longer once the power goes out, as well as being useful for the bread you just hoarded. Similarly, some types of cheese tend to stay edible, and that's at the store too.

Seriously, here's a list of things that it makes more sense to buy than milk:

*Bullet* literally everything that's not sold out of a cooler

Please. Tell me. I need to know.


Editor's Picks

Some funnies for your next hurricane:

 Invalid Item Open in new Window. []

by A Guest Visitor


 Invalid Item Open in new Window. []

by A Guest Visitor


 Night of the Living Lord Open in new Window. [13+]
A parody of biblical proportions.
by Ferdinand Lamure Author Icon


 Invalid Item Open in new Window. []

by A Guest Visitor


 Muses Can't Be Housebroken Open in new Window. [E]
The eternal struggle between writer and Muse.
by DakotaSkye Author Icon


 Anniversary Story Open in new Window. [18+]
It's a story.
by MalkieriWarrior Author Icon


 Grooty Grouser Open in new Window. [E]
Playing with slang words!
by Maxamilium Author Icon

 
Submit an item for consideration in this newsletter!
https://www.Writing.Com/go/nl_form

Word from Writing.Com

Have an opinion on what you've read here today? Then send the Editor feedback! Find an item that you think would be perfect for showcasing here? Submit it for consideration in the newsletter!
         https://www.Writing.Com/go/nl_form

Don't forget to support our sponsor!

ASIN: B07K6Z2ZBF
Amazon's Price: $ 4.99


Ask & Answer

Last time, in "PeachesOpen in new Window., I talked about peach fuzz.

Dragon is hiding Author Icon: If you really want Vegemite, Iā€™m sure you can arrange for a friend to send you some. *Smirk*

         No, that's okay. I have... my own source. Yeah, that's the ticket.


Monty Author Icon: It was harder to rake your nails when you had the slate board at each individual desk. That's what my Dad said.

         No fun when everyone can do it.


Quick-Quill Author Icon: I get it! Its one of the things that keep me from buying loads of peaches. I used to and canned them. I also froze them. Psst! too much work. I still have some canned peaches on the shelf. I need to make a cobbler. I don't like the fuzz either, but I wash them well and rub some of it off. I rarely eat a peach off a tree. I don't live near a peach orchard, I'd have to drive.....

         All sounds too much like work for me.


Mumsy Author Icon: Peach fuzz is cool ... but plum skin is from the devil! Sweet plum flesh, horrible, tart skin. Nothing funny about that at all.

         But hey, at least they're not cherries, right?


Elfin Dragon-finally published Author Icon: Ah those chalkboards. LOL. I actually miss the smell of chalk and the sound they made as the teacher wrote on the board. Now it's this strange ink smell and squeak as the pen marks on the whiteboard. It's just not the same. Plus I have a low tolerance for certain smells. By the end of a class (depending on how much it's used) I end up with a migraine. So much for modern marvels.

         Still, there's something to be said for finding permanent marker, sneaking in and drawing, say, a male organ on the whiteboard.


And that's it for me for September! See you next month. Until then,

LAUGH ON!!!

*Bullet* *Bullet* *Bullet* Don't Be Shy! Write Into This Newsletter! *Bullet* *Bullet* *Bullet*

This form allows you to submit an item on Writing.Com and feedback, comments or questions to the Writing.Com Newsletter Editors. In some cases, due to the volume of submissions we receive, please understand that all feedback and submissions may not be responded to or listed in a newsletter. Thank you, in advance, for any feedback you can provide!
Writing.Com Item ID To Highlight (Optional):

Send a comment or question to the editor!
Limited to 2,500 characters.
Word from our sponsor
ASIN: B004PICKDS
Amazon's Price: Price N/A

Removal Instructions

To stop receiving this newsletter, click here for your newsletter subscription list. Simply uncheck the box next to any newsletter(s) you wish to cancel and then click to "Submit Changes". You can edit your subscriptions at any time.


Printed from https://writing.com/main/newsletters/action/archives/id/9126-Milk-Run.html