  Spiritual
This week: On Personal Boundaries Edited by: Kitti the Red-Nosed Feline  
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We all have personal boundaries that we'd like to be respected. In turn, we should respect other people's.
This week's Spiritual Newsletter is all about boundaries and why they should be treated with care.
Kitti the Red-Nosed Feline |
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We all have personal boundaries. Guidelines, rules or limits that identify reasonable, safe and permissible ways for others to behave towards us. Boundaries get established through life experience, beliefs, opinions, the norms of society around us and the conclusions that we have drawn ourselves. It is important to have these boundaries, otherwise we leave ourselves open to poor treatment.
For example, as writers we can be sensitive about our work, but most of us will welcome constructive criticism. That is how we learn. We do not accept rude comments, however. That is a boundary that Writing.Com agrees with – reviews have to be polite, even if the reviewer dislikes a piece.
It can happen that a person disagrees with one or more of our personal boundaries. Perhaps they feel that it would be better for us if we removed this boundary. Perhaps they would benefit from the removal of said boundary. That is where things get tricky.
Boundaries tend to be in place for a reason. Sometimes, they can be difficult to understand. They may differ from societal norms. It can be that a person with such boundaries has had bad experiences in life. It can also be that they dislike something for no clear reason. Whether or not a boundary is liked or understood, it should be respected. There are strong feelings attached to one’s boundaries regardless of how others feel about them.
That does not mean that some boundaries are not unhelpful. Someone who has been treated badly may not welcome kindness and affection even when they are in a safe environment. It could reasonably be argued that they would benefit from allowing others to get closer to them. But this cannot be forced. Crossing someone’s boundaries when they don’t feel ready for them to be crossed can only do more damage and cause them to retreat even further.
Overcoming unhelpful boundaries takes time and care and respect. The person has to feel ready and willing to overcome them. If a boundary is indeed unhelpful, the person has to see it as such, and has to work on it at their own pace, and in a manner that they feel comfortable with. Otherwise, they can experience strong negative feelings, including a high level of anxiety. They may also develop a negative self-image, berating themselves for not meeting other people’s expectations.
Some boundaries may be of the spiritual kind. For example, I don’t want to do Tarot readings. They may be completely harmless and well-meant, but they spook me. And I won’t go anywhere near an Ouija board. Maybe it is just a game, but the idea of inviting spirits, even playfully... just no. What if it did work? How are you going to send them back? I’m all about not messing with anything like that, just in case.
Similarly, there are people who do not feel comfortable discussing religion at all. If so, it’s not good to push it. You may feel that you have their best interests at heart, but forcing the matter is not going to help – in fact, it can be counterproductive and might even ruin a friendship.
As with anything else, it’s a case of “do unto others”. We don’t like it if people do not respect the boundaries that we have set. In turn, we should respect other people’s boundaries. We are not entitled to a boundary change. The only boundaries we are in control of are our own.
Kitti the Red-Nosed Feline |
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The Spiritual Newsletter Team.
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Spiritual: November 01, 2017 Issue [#8580]
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