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This week: Hotter Than... Edited by: Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥmas  
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Hello, folks! It's good to be back at my Northern Command Center, here in New England. Since my hip is doing so well, I decided to plant a large vegetable garden at the old homestead. WW loves to cook and WL loves to eat, so fresh is always best. 
Read on to find the challenge that Web-Lock dared me to take.
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Before leaving Florida, I gathered-up many types of pepper seeds from our small garden. I don't know which ones are which, but it doesn't matter because this witch loves both hot and spicy as well as crisp, mild red ones.
Due to living in four time zones in the US, including a couple states bordering Mexico, I have developed a more, well let's say, spicier tolerance toward hot peppers than WL. Admittedly, he is growing more immune to the hot spices, since being with me over the years, so there is some hope.  Thus, thinking about our earlier years together, I need to take us on a trip back into the Web-Lock meets Web~Witch, time machine.
"Web~Witch, you always tell me that the hot wings you make are kind of mild to you. However, the cooking of them sends so much pepper in the air, I am choking on it! I think that your wings are probably the hottest wings you've experienced. I bet you that you cannot eat the hot wings at a place I've been to. In fact I DARE you to do this. There have only been a dozen people so far, who've finished the full plate. They got their names posted on the Wall of Flame." 
I love spicy food, folks. I can stand the hottest hot-wing sauce there is, so I figured, why not? Once, I wanted to see if my can of pepper spray worked, so I gave it a very gentle sprit into a large area. I was surprised to see and how large an area it could fill! The first floor of the house was saturated with the choking concoction. After that experiment, I decided to become more immune to the self-defense spray. After all, it could be used against me by a perp as well! So, I got used to squirting small shots of it outdoors, this time, to get used to the effect of it. Yes, my lungs wanted to hack and my eyes watered, but eventually, I had an internal memory of the feeling; knew there was no permanent damage being done and didn't fear it's use thereafter by or against me.
"Hmmm, okay Web-Lock, I'll take that challenge. What's in it for me if I succeed?"
"Well, how about those expensive stiletto heels, you were admiring the other day? I'll buy them for you if you master this challenge."
"Heck Yeah!" You've got a deal."
"Whoa, wait a minute WW, you don't understand. These wings are so hot I merely tasted a sample of their heat with a toothpick, and thought my mouth, throat and stomach were on fire!"
"I understand, WL. Let's go!"
Hours later, we made our way to the mountain, where these famous wings were created. I was happy not only to be taken out to eat in a far away place on a whim, but also to be able to spend the night at a resort area hotel, AND be able to win a pair of new, sexy heels.
WL ordered wings that were two steps below and lower, to the heat of the ones I was to get. He suggested I start with the moderately hot and work my way to the explosive hot. I told him I didn't have that much of an appetite, so I'll just go for the bold so-to-speak.
"You don't know what you're doing, WW. These wings are inedible! Please order something else on the side so you don't go hungry. You can see for yourself that only twelve other people have eaten these wings. I'll get you the shoes! I just don't want you to be injured."
I gave my order for the deadly plate of fire and ordered a glass of milk with them.
The plates came. WL worked his way through the hot and hotter plate; his face bright red and eyes tearing. I threw myself into the impossibly hot, plate of wings.
Minutes passed and Web-Lock stared at me incredulously as I ate one wing after the other, pressing my finger in the air and exclaiming, "Ka-Ching!!!" He was in shock as I finished the last wing on the plate.
Not believing this, he exclaimed that the recipe must have changed since he was there many years before. So, he saw a tiny, skinless scrap of chicken in-between the wing joint; reached for it and quickly placed it in his mouth. He was okay for nearly a second-and-a-half before grabbing for his soda.
"WW, this is the same recipe! How in God's green earth did you manage to eat a full order of these?"
"No problem, WL. The heat of the wings is slightly reduced by the fat in the milk. If you wash the burn down with water or God forbid an alcoholic beverage, you will carry the burning sensation down the esophagus more painfully. Next, I have been exposed to hot dishes since living in Texas and California. Furthermore, after my exposure to pepper spray and the fact that it didn't kill me, although it was quite uncomfortable, I knew that this sensation was a normal body reaction to heat or fire. Yet, I also knew that the reaction was not deadly. The brain merely interprets the danger signal by setting-off the feeling you are actually burning. It's all quite scientific, you know. So, I accepted the dare because I knew that no matter how uncomfortable the experience might be, there wouldn't be any lasting damage. As a matter of fact, I prepared my mind for a plate of wings that would be even more fiery than these--just in case." 
Web-Lock now knows, that whenever he offers me a difficult dare or challenge and I accept, I will complete it. Thus, there have not been any more of those since. But, I must add that when my hip problem popped-up not long after that challenge; I had not been able to wear my trophy high heels that many times. Now that I am okie-dokie, I am so going to enjoy my expensive heels won on a dare.
It's a wrap for this edition of the Comedy Newsletter, folks.
Until next time--laugh hard, laugh often!
Ta,
Web~Witch |
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One of those lightweight stories that came out of everyday free-flow
#1218225 by Joy  |
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Leger~ 
lmaooooooooo
"Don't Let Your Son Go Down On Me" One of the best intended atomic typos in the world!!!
 Glad you got a chuckle out of that one, Leger.
Prosperous Snow celebrating 
I know of two other forms of brain worms. The first is the music they play in grocery stores and I find myself singing along with the music when I am grocery shopping. The second is the hold music when you call a business and they put you on hold. This is one reason I do not like to call the power company. Snow
That's for sure, Snow! Those business hold tunes are torture! 
billwilcox
I was a professional songwriter. I sold seven tunes down in good ol' Hollywood. The key to writing songs is to keep in mind that nobody cares about your personal problems, they want something commercial.
Now you got me thinking about the "jingles" of days gone-by. You didn't happen to be the one behind the Plop-Plop, Fizz-Fizz, add, eh Bill?
LJPC - the tortoise 
Hi WW!
For many years, I was a singer at resorts in Egypt. It was kind of horrible to realize that people actually like the oldies much better than "rock" and "rock classics." I've sung almost all the songs you named. And my hubby (also a singer) has one song guaranteed to have people flying out of their chairs onto the dance floor -- "Strangers In the Night." Not kidding. Whether the guests are from Germany, Britain, Norway or Kuala Lumpur, they love that song. Go figure. Great NL!
~ Laura
Woo-Hoo! Sounds like you two were real crooners! I enjoy "Old Blue Eyes," myself. But don't tell anyone, okay?
Joy
Thanks for the laughs.
Now you got my mind stuck on repeating, "Sugar sugar, honey honey" Eeek!
So sorry, Joy! That has to be one of the worst brain worms. 
scarlett_o_h
Thanks for featuring my poem in your Newsletter. I enjoyed reading your letter. I suffer badly from ear worms too and find the nights when Bohemian Rhapsody revolves in my head are a good incentive to rise early.
You're very welcome, Scarlett. Thank you for your feedback. I'm glad you enjoyed the Newsletter! 
Mark Allen Mc Lemore
Don't worry, in a few more years the music you like will be on the oldies channel! This happened to me, I grew up with Nirvana, Stone Temple Pilots, Guns and Roses, Skid Row, Motley Crue, well, you get the point, and now they play them on the classic rock channel, so, give them another 15 years and they will hit the oldies, alright, maybe 20-30, but who's counting?
I also like some of those groups you mentioned. And throw in Radiohead while you're at it. You're right, it's going to take many years to get those on the Oldies channel.
Submitted by BIG BAD WOLF is Merry  , "What's Behind Me?"
Thanks for the feedback, folks. We editors really appreciate it!
See you next month.
WW
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Comedy: May 22, 2013 Issue [#5683]
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