  Short Stories
This week: Edited by: Ben Langhinrichs  
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In small towns people scent the wind with noses of uncommon keenness.
Stephen King, Novelist
Greetings! I am one of the editors for the Short Stories Newsletter, and I hope to share some of my thoughts on writing short stories, and perhaps about writing in general. I suggest you treat these not as pearls of wisdom dropped from on high, but rather musings of a fellow writer, written to inspire, provoke or stimulate your personal muse. I welcome your thoughts, feedback and suggestions. Ben Langhinrichs
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It was a dark and storm night...
Edward George Bulwer-Lytton, Paul Clifford (1830)
Simple Description
I had the chance to review a marvelous story for a fellow member of "Let's Publish!" which had an interesting plot and main character, but which had a small problem with descriptions. I decided it might be worth discussing description for this newsletter, since there are often comments in reviews suggesting "more description!"
Descriptive paragraphs in short stories can be wonderful ways to draw the reader in and make him/her feel the mood and see the place where the action takes place. Unfortunately, they can also be a distracting nuisance in a story where every word counts.
Let's take the description of a room. The main character is in a kitchen, and we want to describe the room as a cheery yellow.
1) Direct description. "The kitchen was a cheery yellow." Useful at times, but rather boring. It helps to set the mood by using the word "cheery" but doesn't really add much with the color. This should only be used when the color has a direct bearing on the story, and usually not even then.
2) Embedded direct description. "The cheery yellow kitchen opened onto a patio." This is a better way to work in a color. It is a step better than direct description, but doesn't engage the reader much.
3) Semi-indirect description. "The kitchen was rather dim at night, but when the sun shone and brought out the yellow in the walls, it lifted the spirits of anyone who entered." Not a great sentence, but you have communicated that the walls are yellow by describing them when they are not as well.
4) Indirect description. "The kitchen was neat, down to bananas on the counter which perfectly matched the walls." OK, a little forced, but the idea is that you don't say the color at all.
Now, having said all that, think about whether it is necessary at all. Why are you describing the color of the kitchen at all? Does it play a role in the story? Do you want to set a tone for the story or a mood for the scene?
Stephen King, in his wonderful On Writing, says that you should minimize descriptions of people and places that don't further the story. His reasoning is that it takes away the reader's chance to fill in the scene or character for himself or herself. In that vein, look at this snippet from a story I am working on now:
A wheezy voice startled him, and he whipped around to find himself face to face with a heavyset old man, missing more than his share of teeth, and giving off a vague indefinable odor that seemed a cross between misery and failure, with maybe a hint of burnt garlic.
Can you describe this person? Is he African-American, Caucasion or Asian? Is his hair red or grey or white or brown? Does any of it matter?
So, when it comes time to describe a person or a place, think about whether to use one of the four types of description I list above, or whether it is better to redefine description to mean something that tells you something about the person or place, not just about a physical attribute.
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Stories with Descriptions
What did Peov look like?
What sort of description is "A slight muse in a slinky blue cocktail dress swept her blond hair back and swayed over to the stereo." How could you alter it?
What if the characters themselves can't see the description?
What if the characters themselves can't see the description?
Appearances can be a bit deceiving.
Description is the heart of the thing sometimes.
How many colors in the first paragraph?
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Feedback from readers
Mark  Great job Ben. Your point is well stated and demonstrated, making it absorbable and therefore effective. Can't ask for more than that. Thank you.
It is fun making up such examples, but I am particularly gratified when they work to show the point. Thanks!
NanoWriMo2018 Into the Earth  Excellent NL, Ben. I loved how you told us how to put all our elements together to form our story. (I loved the line about soccer not just for South Americans or Europeans!) Good stuff. Thanks, Robin
Thanks!
Zeke You're point about including all the elements and still failing is very valid. In my opinion, a sacrifice of an element in favor of making the story more complete is often better.
Just make sure the sacrifice isn't through lack of trying, and you are probably right.
LJPC - the tortoise Hi Ben! How come it's so easy to understand WHAT to do, but so hard to Do it -- particularly to do it well. I guess it's a learning process, just like life. We shouldn't be afraid to try new styles and genres. Mistakes are great teachers, and pleasant discoveries can be made, too. Thanks for the concise and informative newsletter.  Laura
It does feel like anything worth doing takes work, doesn't it? And as for mistakes, I am a big fan of the Magic School Bus and Ms. Frizzle: "Take chances, make mistakes, get messy!"
esprit A great letter, Ben, on an important topic. You explained it well.
Thanks!
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Short Stories: January 27, 2010 Issue [#3525]
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