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Things that go crunch in the night!
Have you ever had the feeling that you and your loved ones are not the only beings in the house? That has happened to me lately.
What? You don't think that's very funny? We shall see! Make yourselves comfortable and be prepared for all the gory details... |
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Hello folks, this is Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥmas . Welcome to another edition of the Comedy Newsletter.
Many of you already know that WW is a natural born klutz. However, sometimes it just isn't my fault. I do believe in ghosts, I do believe in ghosts!
I was married to an electrician for many years. What that means is my house runs on several, humongous, high utility as well as little snake-lets of extension cords. I constantly trip over these things causing one appliance after another to quit.
I hid some of the trailing wires with throw rugs and used that wonderful stuff called duct tape, which can hold anything in whatever position you place it.  (Don't ask!) Also, with the proper alignment of furniture, anything can look natural.
Yes, folks, I'm a practical woman. I managed to camouflage those dreadful cords for years. Lately, though, they have become more than an eyesore, they have become dangerous! I've begun believing that my home is haunted! Yes, that's right, haunted by some artificial intelligence that seeks out humans as recharging food for their ever hungry appetites. These creatures plot and plan their moves strategically, and feed amongst their humans. Eventually, they zap all of the human's energy and strengthen their own.
These demons, cloaked in insulated covering, arrange to pop out at the most inconvenient times. For example, I get up in the middle of the night to answer nature's call. Who ever called peeing, the call of nature, by the way? It makes me feel like I need to step outside for the act; perhaps howl at the moon while I'm at it. Well, anyway, I climb out of bed and walk a few inches and I get tackled! No, it was not from Web-Warlock, who I affectionately call, Web-Lock or WL, it was an under-the-bed extension cord grabbing my foot and tripping me. I have come to the conclusion that the thing that goes bump in the night is me! That wire was not there when I went to bed, yet there it was at 2 a.m.
I was checking my oven the other day, to see how my breadsticks were doing. My kitchen is the room most in-need of electrical outlets. Of course there was a heavy duty cord not far from the floor between storage shelves and the stove. The next thing I knew, I was inside the oven with the breadsticks! I had to do some pretty fast maneuvering to get out of that 400 degrees box, OUCH! However, at least you know how much Web~Witch gets into her cooking. 
Besides extension cords with minds of their own, there are disappearing sunglasses, lost recipe books and cell phones that mysteriously grow feet and flee the coup. Now, I either have a mischievous ghost gracing the presence of my home or I am starting to have some of those senior moments! I have heard that they begin at middle age.  However, I prefer to think that my house is haunted. 
This spirit is so spirited that it placed the missing phone in the last place I would have looked that evening. Yes, folks, I was sitting on the sofa, doing some reviews, when this vibrating sensation shook my bottom half.  How did that device make its way under the sofa cushion? I cannot answer that, but I think it's a great place to keep a phone in a pinch.
Still not convinced about the haunting? Don't make me have to tell you about my robotic vacuum and its evil plan to knock me off my feet as it zooms out from under the ottoman! I wonder if the head extension cord put it up to that?!! I walk a few feet and that little pest is nipping at my heels.
All this talk about ghosts and creepy extension cords, seems very appropriate for this time of year. Yes, I do enjoy the Season of the Webwitch! Ah, the comedy of horror--let the games begin!
Happy Halloween, folks!
Until next time--laugh hard, laugh often!
Ta,
WW  |
Have an opinion on what you've read here today? Then send the Editor feedback! Find an item that you think would be perfect for showcasing here? Submit it for consideration in the newsletter!
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Submitted Feedback:
Lornda 
Thanks for another entertaining newsletter and congratulations on your one year anniversary as editor! 
Thank you, Lornda! I have enjoyed the first year and look forward to the another year of fun and funnies around the site.That's a hint for you to write more Family Antics.
Irisisflower 
Hiya WW
Thank you for such a hilarious newsletter, I really do believe that humor is sometimes the best cure. I teared up at your humor, killer bra, priceless!
Iris
Thank you for the feedback, Iris. I am always pleased when my Newsletter can reach out and make someone laugh! You're right, comedy can be the best cure for what ails you. 
Robert Waltz 
Hey, WW, sounds like Web-lock oughta get a role on CSI: Laundry Room.
I think you're right, Rob! The guy can identify holes! I know one thing--my bra did make a hole in one! 
drjim
Ah - those Killer Bras!! What next - Assassin Panty Hoses?! You should join my pals down at the NSA, they would have a great job for you, WW!
As usual, wonderful newsy newsletter! Keep up the great efforts!!!
Sssssssssh! Assassin panty hose?!!! How did you ever find out?
Shannon
Once again you've proven yourself to be the Lady of Laughter, the Countess of Comedy, the Mistress of Mirth, the ... well, you get the idea. Attack of the Killer Bras! I feel a story coming on.
I tell you, for what I put bras through, it's no wonder they turned on the hands that washed them and wreaked havoc! 
Thank you, Shannon. 
redfern-p
killer bra's!
you should give the army some insight into this...
consider it!????
DD Marines...! locked and loaded...if you know what i mean?
fully packed!
i can't even begin to think of them all standing to attention!!!!!
it's certainly killing me!!!!
hahahaha!
That would be, DDD Marines, Paul. Thanks for the feedback!
DRSmith 
Yep, bras can be dangerous. I once knew a rather "healthy" gal who, in the heat of passion, wrecklessly rushed to remove the stupendous suspended thing and broke both her knee caps. Say.... perhaps there's yet another thrilling reality show in the making, ya think? I can see it now, like the old Bullwinkle Show used to intro each episode: be sure to tune in next time for:
"I'm hooked on bras!", or,
"the boob tubes strike back!"
What can I say? Life as a bra has got to be a stuffy job!
Acme
Oh, the joys of household chores erm, will the handwashing of unmentionables be now on the Web-Washing list of 'Things to Do'?
Sorry, Acme, WW doesn't have room in the sink for 'em.  They will remain stowaways of unsuspecting laundry piles.
francie
HI WW,
I never miss any of your newsletters and I enjoyed reading about the killer bra. Death by a witches underlings. LOL
One more outstanding NL and congrats on the anniversary.
francie
Thank you, Francie! The year has been wonderful, especially with fans like you. Witches underlings--Hmmmm, I like that!
Comments via email:
Spiritscribe
Hey Webwitch:
I cannot front. That was a pretty funny. Who would have thought that clothes would be in danger of homicidal lingerie. Anyway, your edition to the comical newsletter was pretty good.
Spiritscribe
I'm glad you enjoyed it, Spiritscribe.  Thank you for your feedback.
LJPC - the tortoise
Hi Web Witch!
Great newsletter! It amazes me how you can take the most simple anecdote and turn it into comedy genius!
I didn't quite get the reference to the 'damaged sail' at the end, but a lot of people don't get my stories, either!
Welcome to the club of Wild and Weird Writers - I'm sending you our initiation kit by mail.Take care not to leave it in the mailbox too long as it may spoil or grow, depending on the climate... Also, take care and wear protective clothing when opening. And please sign the waiver, first.
He-he, Ha-ha, Who-who?
Laura
P.S. Thanks for including my story!
You're welcome, Laura. I enjoyed your story. 
It's always great getting comments from you! Now where is that waiver...
Thanks for the Feedback, Folks!
We editors really appreciate it!
WW
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Comedy: October 14, 2009 Issue [#3326]
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