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Volunteering - just a few random thoughts. |
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My parents and I were at an outing organized by the local ornithological society, when a young lady, an avid birdwatcher, approached us, smiling broadly. “Hello,” she said, “you don’t know me. I’m Minakshi. I love nature – and my other hobby is reading to the blind. We have a Braille Transcription Center, and we need volunteers.”
“I’d like to read to the blind,” I said.
“Great. Here’s the address!”
With that – it began. A new hobby, volunteering. That Saturday, I attended the orientation for readers, and, for a few months, helped by reading aloud the text of various books, for blind transcribers to type out in Braille. I volunteered twice a week, an hour or so each time. I had to stop when they got done with the English and Hindi books, I didn’t know the other languages they needed help with.
Since then, I’ve volunteered with different organizations – giving skills, time and sometimes money. It has made me feel warm and fuzzy inside, like nothing else can.
Here are a few random thoughts about volunteering that I’d like to share. They are personal to me – you may agree with me – or you may find that exactly the opposite works for you.
To speak, or not to speak? Till I met Minakshi, I thought one shouldn’t speak about the good work one does – it’s too much like boasting. Then I realized – if Minakshi hadn’t approached me that day, I might never have discovered the joys of volunteering. I didn’t think of her as boastful at all, just friendly. So, hesitantly at first, and then with a bit more gusto, I started speaking about the voluntary work I do. I remembered how Minakshi was cheerful and accepting (she wouldn’t have minded if I’d said ‘sorry, I can’t’) and tried to be the same way when I approached others.
Now, my neighbor and two of her daughters volunteer, too – more than I do, actually! The girls (in their twenties) have roped in their friends as well, and one of them is trying to get a regular volunteer program in place at the college she attends. I’m glad I started them off! Oh – happy side-effect – one of the friends has since started dating a young man she met while both of them were volunteering together!
Sensitivity. At the Braille Transcription Center, there was an orientation about the needs of the blind folk, and some dos and don’ts for dictating text for them to type. I picked up some points through experience, too – one of them being about the language used. I noticed they referred to themselves as being ‘blind’ – not the more politically correct ‘challenged’ or ‘impaired’. To them, ‘blindness’ was a physical state they were born with. It had no other connotations or negativity attached. Since then, I’ve heard that some organizations for the ‘deaf’ are reverting to the term ‘deaf’ after having used other words for some years. I know this is a delicate issue, and I expect readers will have strong feelings both ways. My personal viewpoint is – the words themselves don’t have any negative links, and if the folks most affected use them, so must I – provided I use them in the right way. I need to pick up the cue from them. Had they used the word ‘challenged’ to describe themselves, I would have, too. I didn’t actually ask, but I have a feeling that to my blind colleagues, trying to use politically correct terms implied there was something wrong with their condition in the first place, that it could not be spoken of outright.
Similarly, they used the word ‘see’ just the way we do. Mobile phones were new in India at the time, and mine beeped during lunch break. Immediately, a young typist said, “Is that your mobile? May I see it? I’ve never seen one.” She went on to feel it all over, and I explained, “These are number keys and they have letters on top. This is the screen where the number shows up when someone calls you or you call someone. This is the on-off button.” She was delighted. “Thanks for showing it to me,” she said.
Subsequently, I volunteered at a home for orphans and runaways, and asked, “When’s the orientation?” Imagine my surprise when they said there wasn’t any orientation – they picked volunteers carefully, and then trusted them to naturally do the right thing. They didn’t want anyone to be burdened with rules. I read stories to the kids, and got them to do some art and craft activities. I was humming along for a few weeks, till I walked in to notice one of the girls missing. “Where’s Bhavana?” the question was out before I realized it. “She doesn’t live here anymore,” the regular teacher replied, matter-of-factly.
Later, I wondered if I’d done the right thing asking in front of the other kids – what if Bhavana had been adopted, and they were still waiting their turn? Had I been insensitive, pointing it out? I asked the lady who runs the home. “You are concerned about a child you’ve interacted with,” she replied. “The other kids are going to see that concern and be happy – it shows you care about them as well. As it turns out, Bhavana had run away from home, and has been re-united with her parents. And don’t worry yourself about these simple human questions. That’s why we don’t have any orientations; we want you to be human here! It is a fact that Bhavana isn’t here anymore, not talking about it isn’t going to take that away.” I learnt a big lesson that day. Trust your natural instinct. As long as you mean well, as long as you are sensitive and attuned to the people you are privileged to work with, your natural instinct will carry you through. Don’t hesitate to ask for advice. And if you do happen to make a mistake, apologize sincerely and move on. But don’t freeze up wondering if you’re saying or doing the ‘right’ thing. Freezing up is probably as wrong as any other ‘no-no’!
Once, while reading to the blind typist, I came across a table, with rows and columns of words and figures. “There’s a table here,” I said. “I don’t know how to dictate it to you.” It took him a few minutes to tell me how, we sought help from a more experienced reader on one or two complicated points, and the work progressed apace. I was glad I’d been able to say, ‘I don’t know’ and get the assistance I needed.
I didn’t ask, once. There were two spastic boys trying to get up some stairs and having a hard time of it. I wasn’t sure what to do, the other volunteers weren’t near enough to turn to – so I stood and watched – thinking that if either of the boys fell I’d carry him. They made it up the stairs after a long struggle. Now, I wish I’d just asked them if they needed a hand. If done with respect, it’s not derogatory.
A couple of times, I visited a Home for children of prisoners. With one or both parents serving long sentences and relatives either unwilling or unable to take them in, the kids have nowhere to go. The kids (age 3 - 14 years) are positive, upbeat. They study, they play, they get together and enact skits for their teachers ... in short, they behave like any kids their age. As soon as I walked in, I felt the positivity, and understood that visitors didn't need to speak to the kids about their parents. I'm not sure who was counselling them, but they were obviously well looked-after in that regard, and I just needed to respond to them at that moment, whether they were telling a story, solving a puzzle or acting a comic scene for me.
Other things are equal. At a talk about helping the blind, a counsellor once said that his blind friend wished people would realise that not being able to see doesn't mean that other senses are impaired as well. For instance, if he went visiting with his Mom, and, say, the host was serving tea, the host would ask his Mom, "How much sugar?" On receiving the answer about her cup, the host would then ask, "And how much sugar will he take?" "Why can't they just ask me how much sugar I take? I can hear and speak!" was his reaction.
With all my heart. The organization I work with now works round the year with children with various challenges (since there are many, I’m grouping them as ‘challenges’!). The kids participate in theatre, poster-making and combined special-needs and mainstream games and quizzes. They need volunteers round the year. I volunteer only at Christmas, with gifts and activities. Why don’t I volunteer round the year? Because my day job is with kids, too. It’s too stressful for me to spend weekends with kids as well; I need to spend my off-days with my own friends … or myself. I’ve told the lady who runs the organization this, and she has accepted it quite happily. I enjoy volunteering at Christmas, and that’s what I do. I don’t want to grudge the time I spend volunteering, wishing I were elsewhere, it wouldn’t work for me that way.
Keeping promises. I am careful when I promise anything to charity, because I always (knock wood!) keep my promises. If I can’t deliver, I don’t say I will. So I promise a limited amount – of time, energy, money, skill, whatever. I clarify in advance that that’s how much I’ll do, then I stick to that. It has always worked for me that way. The volunteer group was having a performance to recruit more volunteers. The rehearsals were late into the night, far from where I live – that’s what suited the others’ working schedules. I knew I wouldn’t be able to attend those rehearsals, and said so. We worked it so that I did a monologue, and rehearsed alone with the director in the afternoons. Had I agreed to the late night rehearsals, I probably would have had to leave early or miss most of them. It would have inconvenienced the others.
I’m doing this for me. Who benefits most when I volunteer? ME. I feel happier, more carefree, more able to count my blessings and put my problems in perspective. I need to volunteer, for ME. That’s why, at various points, I’ve referred to volunteering as being a hobby and a privilege. It is that, and much, much more!
As I said, these are just my random thoughts. Feel free to agree, disagree, be non-committal, anything! Volunteering means different things to different people, and of course, various cultures the world over have a host of diverse norms or guiding principles.
What doesn’t change is the warm, fuzzy feeling!
Thanks!
- Sonali 
PS: Please share any thoughts or experiences you may have had while volunteering! Thanks!
PPS: Here's where I volunteer! www.dreamadream.org |
She gave ice-cream. And received something priceless in return.
The leprechaun added what he could give ...
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Great practical tips and encouragement.
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Why? Because! Two authors answer the question 'why volunteer?'
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Two beautiful ways of expressing what it means to volunteer, and to give ...
Finding the balance between 'selfless' and 'selfish'.
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Giving back -- right here, on Writing Dot Com!
A slightly sobering view on what unites us - more reason to give back, perhaps?
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A rhythmic view of the human thread binding us together A search and answer for that tie
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A short poem with a wealth of meaning.
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READER FEEDBACK TO " Spiritual Newsletter (February 18, 2009)"
In my previous Newsletter, I talked about writing without holding back - and how that may affect those we write about.
I'm thrilled at the responses - a big thank you to everyone who wrote in!
Just an Ordinary Boo! 
Being Honest - what a profound topic, applicable to Life, and Writing too. This is a dilemma I think many face; forget exposing others, one has to be honest and expose oneself too. I find my memories tend to have a one-sided focus, how would the other characters in the story tell the same tale? Would I come off as strong and honest and sincere as I think I was? Holding that mirror to one's wrinkled and stained soul may be the hardest task a writer has, in this quest to keep one's writing honest. I am thinking of putting up a standard disclaimer - "My memories are coloured by emotion and generally present me in the best possible light, this story has only a superficial resemblance to truth." 
Thanks Jyo! Yes, it is hard - I just put in a line there, questioning how I'd feel if someone wrote honestly about me. It would've taken another whole newsletter, I think, to cover that topic more fully!
It's great to read your response, which puts into words what many of us probably secretly fear.
Oh, I love the disclaimer. Are you going to patent it, or is it for all to use? 
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Kim Ashby
GREAT article! I love this subject for the newsletter. I think it's something that all writers struggle with - the good ones, anyway. I never wrote anything until both of my parents passed away. My pain, my dilemmas, everything was tied up in them and I couldn't bring myself to risk putting pen to paper. What if I lost my self-control and everything came pouring out onto the page? Once they both passed away (within a year of each other) I suddenly became a prolific writer. (That means I waited for 50 years.) Now, I regret that they never got to read anything I've written, even though great deal of it centers around them. The thing is, a lot of it has nothing to do with them, and they would have enjoyed it. Funny the things we bind ourselves with. This newsletter is excellent. Thank you for bringing this subject up for discussion and self-reflection. Great job!
Kay Jordan
I'm overwhelmed by your response. Thank you for sharing your experiences and feelings so vividly. I'm really touched.
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Lauriemariepea
Hi Sonali--
A great newsletter, and a great point about the power of writing. We write to connect, either through telling a thrilling story, or through expressing the humanity that links all of us. The truer we are, the more powerful our work. Thanks for reminding us. 
I appreciate your comments. Thanks so much. You've summed it up really effectively.
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Caroline
Thank you for the superb newsletter! I have also faced this issue before and appreciate your views and advice. Great newsletter!
Hey, glad you like it! Thanks for writing in!
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weeowl flying free!
I've dealt with this dilemma and I've found it's best to get it out. You're not responsible for the way someone else reacts really. You are responsible to your true self. Changing names does work. LET IT OUT! DON'T HOLD BACK! Weeowl
Wow! Great to have that feedback - superb clarity of thought!
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lelouch_geass
I probably think that you did a great job writing this newsletter, even though I already knew about those things. I never hold back anything when I write, but unlike you, I let the people involved to read it. So that they know what I feel. Just think, will they change if you won't tell them?
You know, you're saying just what my Dad tells me. If I don't let people know, through my writing or otherwise, how are they going to figure out what I really feel? Thanks for writing in!
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all right
Yes, dilemma is there, because the ideas themselves are not complete, it is something in plasma state which takes shape and solidifies with others' approval. But the solution is do NOT hold. Expect something to happen but there will be stabilizing forces also. Thanks Sonali
Very interesting perspective. That the writing is taking shape with others' approval -- I hadn't thought of it quite that way, but yes, that does happen! Thanks for writing in!
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esprit
Sonali, good first NL, I found it interesting. I think personal writing is good for us at times, but believe they should be kept in a personal journal, for our eyes only. I won't review them either, since they can't be corrected, and they're just too personal to read. I know many do, but this is just me. Good job!
Thanks! It's wonderful to see all the different perspectives on this ... yours finds the balance between letting it out while protecting privacy. Glad you like the Newsletter!
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NOVAcatmando
Don't hold back; what a good lesson (and great story)! And I've also heard - write about what you know. Getting to the point of writing this "real" stuff is just the first step. Putting it out there to share is the next. Sharing it with family? Sad, but I think they'd be my harshest censors, so I hestitate at this stage...
Thanks for your feedback!
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