  Comedy
This week: Edited by: Mavis Moog  
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1. About this Newsletter
2. A Word from our Sponsor
3. Letter from the Editor
4. Editor's Picks
5. A Word from Writing.Com
6. Ask & Answer
7. Removal instructions
You get two for the price of one in this month's Mavis newsletter.
Do you know what an eggcorn is?
And what's better than sliced bread?
Enter my Short Story Contest and you may win the chance to be featured on Editor's Picks.
I hope this newsletter makes you smile and gives you some new angles to explore with your comedy writing.
Mavis Moog
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Is Your Writing Floorless?
Those of us who are not suffering with Old-Timer's disease, and don't rely on pigeon English, feel suitably embarrassed when we slip up. I mean, if chimps can write Shakespeare then surely we, who have a posable thumb, should be able to manage a bit of creative writing without howlers. The human cry created by written blunders can reek havoc with our confidence. So those of you who are waiting with baited breath to discover the secret of success in this doggy-dog world of comedy, can breathe a sigh of release.
The eggcorn is here to save you.
Unlike malapropisms, which were named after the verbally challenged Mrs. Malaprop in Sheridan's play The Rivals, eggcorns are not just random pispronounciations. They are poetically or semantically appropriate word-choice errors.
The name is derived from the common misapprehension that acorns, which look like little eggs in cups, are called eggcorns.
Other common eggcorns include:
 Expresso coffee. ~ They do make it quickly.
Elementary canal. ~ It is the first transport system of the body we learn about.
Playwrite ~ he does write plays.
girdle ones loins (or even girdle ones lions)
Eurologist ~ Well, those Eropeans are rather, how should I put it, pissy.
Poke-a-dot ~ If you insist, but I'm busy dancing a polka right now.
To all intensive purposes. ~ Intents and purposes are so free range these days.
Eggcorns and malapropisms are great fun to play with. Those of you who enjoy punning can find a whole new leash of life. How about writing a character who regularly uses eggcorns? Now that could be very funny.
Take a look at this web site for more, often hilarious, eggcorns: http://eggcorns.lascribe.net/
(Correctons to copy: Floorless = flawless; Old timer's disease = Alzheimer's Disease; pigeon = pidgin; a posable = opposable; human cry = hue and cry; reek = wreak; baited = bated; doggy-dog = dog eat dog; release = relief; pispronounciation = mispronounciation)
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Good Ideas?
Have you ever lolled about on a dull afternoon and allowed yourself to stroll around the eccentric workshop of your brain. A current radio programme on BBC Radio 4, called Genius, and hosted by Dave Gorman, has had me in stitches and made me realise what an excellent formula for comedy, innovation can be.
Audience members suggest brain-wave ideas, and Gorman and a guest comedian discuss them, expanding the concept and finally judge them to be genius or not.
Here are some recent topics for your consideration:
___________________________
How about a feature film version of the game, Tetris? Huge blocks of multi-coloured plastic could be filmed as they drop from the roof of massive warehouse. Wires would have to be used to slow or speed up the falling blocks if true authenticity is to be achieved. Of course no CGI or special effects should be used, but how would they make a completed row disappear?
This idea could be used more thematically; The movie could show various people turning up for a party, and when a certain bench has a full complement of people sitting on it, they disappear.
___________________________
Sometimes we want thick slices for toasting and others we want thin slices for making cucumber sandwiches with. As loaves tend to come sliced to one particular thickness, many bread users find they have to eat only toast or only cucumber sandwiches for a whole loaf-life, which is not ideal. The obvious answer is to buy un-sliced bread, and use a bread-knife to cut the desired thickness. Unfortunately many people find slicing bread a particularly irksome task, and end up with slices which are thick at one end and thin at the other. When one tries to make cheese on toast, the cheese melts, and runs down the wedge, leaving you with bald toast and a cheesy grill-pan.
Perforated bread is the sensible solution. The loaves could be perforated, so that one only needs to tear one slice for cucumber sandwiches, and take two together to get thicker slices for making toast. Problem solved ~ pure genius.
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Here's a good one for all of you who are afraid of flying. Wouldn't it be good if all passenger aircraft had parachutes attached to the outer skin of the fuselage. Then when the engines pack up, or the wings drop off, the crew can pull a cord which will cause the parachutes to deploy and the aircraft will float, safely to ground.
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Now it's your turn. Can you think of some genius ideas which would make life happier, safer or just more interesting? Get a few friends together, serve them some nibbles and mineral water ~ or you could give them something a little more conducive to imaginative thinking ~ and discuss. Make sure you keep notes, or even tape the conversation, and then base a story on your ideas. It's a sure-fire comedy success, and you never know, you might actually come up with something worth patenting.
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This month's Editor's Picks have been drawn from my highly successful short story contest. These were the best humorous stories of the 40 stories entered. If you have a funny story sitting in your portfolio, or you could write a brand fresh one, please enter the contest, and you too may get your story featured on this newsletter.
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This story made me smile. It is a light-hearted and clever re-telling of a famous nursery rhyme. I love the off-beat tone of this tale, and the frequent mentions of items of English popular culture give it a distinctive flavour.
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I'm sure we've all done something like this, at home or elsewhere, at some point in our lives. Enjoy the nostalgia of this humorous memoire.
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This author is fast becoming one of my favourites. I love his dry, imaginative humour. This is a story he rattled off in his lunch hour; I wonder where he gets his inspiration from?
A twist in the tail raises a smile. Here's another example of a simple idea being developed by a lively imagination.
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Now I'm not sure if this is meant to be comedy, and I'm sure I'll get kicked if it isn't, but I found it funny, although it does have a serious message. Are you good with numbers?
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Last month we had a story about getting rid of flies, this month we have a furrier problem.
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You know how everything is bigger in Texas? Well, maybe Lennon and McCartney knew this too.
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Have an opinion on what you've read here today? Then send the Editor feedback! Find an item that you think would be perfect for showcasing here? Submit it for consideration in the newsletter!
https://www.Writing.Com/go/nl_form
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Problematic Content
Great newsletter and thanks for the plug! Glad you liked it.
One question though, your link to John~Ashen  's journal entry is a bit ambiguous. I can't tell if you're behind him on his proposed newsletter improvements or if you were snidely asserting that he's a pretentious jerk.
Snidey, moi? ~ MM
pibarrington
I've found that almost all humour has a pointy sharp truth at the bottom of it. My humble opinion is that if I can cause physical pain to my audience from making them laugh so hard, then I'm a success. (Yep, me and the Marquis De Sade of humour, the late great Sam Kinison. God, I miss that guy!)
The best humour is always the truthful humour. I worked in radio for years and one of my general managers told me (because I was slightly rudely insinuative-hey Brit Mavis is that a word?)"You know if it were any other person, I'd have tossed them off the air immediately and permanently. But you-you do it with such finesse no one can put their finger on exactly what offends them. But you get your point across."
OK, that's my little two cents (or 'tuppence' for Mavis). I guess I just wanted to join in. Pathetic, isn't it?
BCE.
I don't think it's pathetic at all. Joining in is what this section is all about. Keep them coming.
As to your question about insinuative; I think that's such a dreadful word, it should be in the Bush Lexicon, but it happens to be in Chambers Dictionary too, so full marks! ~ MM
panthera
Hi!
I cannot agree with most of the advice in this newsletter. Most of what you mention relates to all I hate in 'comedians'. But, I will read the previous one of yours that seem to have been more in my style if I go with the comments here. Maybe I missed it.
I don't like to go on assumptions and quick judgements are just not my thing, but I wanted to let you know that not all people like to be grossed out or see people get wacked at for a 'joke'.
Don't feel bad, you weren't the only one who missed the sarcasm in last month's newsletter. It really wasn't serious. All that stuff was what I hate most in comedy too. Maybe I should learn to flag my irony a little more brightly  ~ MM.
This Month's Question
How bad is stealing jokes? Does everyone do it, or is it a real no-no in comedy writing?
Please send your answers, opinions and observations to me, headed 'Mavis,' using the feedback form below.
I look forward to hearing from you.
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Comedy: October 18, 2006 Issue [#1322]
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