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| I've been talking to friends and thinking lately about what I want or need to do, and what I do because others expect it. This newsletter is an exploration of the possibilities of being just yourself. |
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Dear Reader,
First off, let me distinguish between 'responsibility' and 'expectation'. Nowhere here am I going to suggest that people shouldn't meet their responsibilities. At work, you have to meet your deadlines, fulfill your commitments; at home, you have to take care of those dependent on you. You're responsible for giving your 4-year-old his dinner, but he can't expect ice-cream for dessert each time.
The loss of my Dad in Nov. 2023 had led to me rethinking many of my relationships. Be they family ties, friendships, bonds formed at work, I've been getting new perspectives on these relationships.
I've realised I need people. I've realised I can very easily ask some things of some people that I can't ask of others. And with the weight of caregiving taken off my shoulders, I've realised I have the freedom to choose whose expectations I meet and whose I don't.
This is an adventure.
The adventure of living life choosing whom you'll please and whom you won't. And freeing yourself from unnatural expectations can be the most liberating thing you do for yourself.
I have a friend who has helped me a lot in Dad's last months and after he passed away. I'm very grateful to her for all she did. She's a theatre actress and performs at various venues in the city, and has friends who perform, too. Often, she asks me to come for a performance, either her own or of someone she's showing support for. Whenever I can, I attend. There are times I've gone to the other end of town, there are times I've gone to places difficult for me with my weak eyesight, for a performance she has asked me to be there for.
Now it so happened that the last two or three times, it hasn't been a performance she has been in herself. She ranted at me saying I didn't go for her performances and I wasn't a friend because friends support each other. I was shocked at this outburst and immediately bent over backward trying to prove to her the times I'd been there. She's traveling at the moment and said she'd message when she returns.
In the meantime, I've decided to let it go. Yes, I'm grateful to her - but if she has unrealistic expectations of me to 'prove' I'm her friend, well, I'm going to detach from the situation.
With that, I decided to detach from all unrealistic expectations.
This has made me feel so light!
It comes with a price, but it's worth it.
So - if someone has these expectations of you - try letting it be. Try letting yourself be yourself. It could be the biggest adventure of your life!
Thanks for listening,
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Thanks for the responses to "Action/Adventure Newsletter (June 20, 2018)"
Very inspiring story. Thank you for sharing it with us. I wish everyone who boldly takes a step into the unknown ends up better off though. It's not always the case, but that is also part of 'the adventure that is life', right? -- Azrael Tseng
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Action/Adventure: April 16, 2025 Issue [#13076]
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