This week: The Crush Edited by: Kitti the Red-Nosed Feline  
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Have you ever had a celebrity crush? Who was it?
Many people have a celebrity crush at some point in their lives. For a few, though, it becomes problematic...
This week's Drama Newsletter is all about crushes, and parasocial relationships.
Kitti the Red-Nosed Feline |
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A couple of days ago I was asked if I have a celebrity crush. The question surprised me. There are definitely some actors and athletes who I think are attractive. I mean, clearly, Lewis Hamilton and Idris Elba are nice to look at, and Valtteri Bottas is adorable, but a crush? I don’t know these people!
I did have celebrity crushes when I was a teenager. It’s probably one of those things that comes with puberty. Everyone I know, both boys and girls, had posters on their walls of this or that artist and it was fair to say that that wasn’t all down to talent. John Taylor of Duran Duran was my first celebrity crush, soon followed by Axl Rose of Guns N’ Roses. Kiefer Sutherland was cute. I even went through a boy band phase – that embarrassing time in one’s life when for some reason you believe that one day Donnie Wahlberg will spot you in the crowd… your eyes meet and it’s as though everyone else fades away and that’s the beginning of your Happily Ever After. Thank goodness there were no social media websites back then, so I didn’t get sucked in any deeper and I snapped out of it soon enough.
Crushes like that are a pretty good way for kids to get used to coping with a range of feelings. Everything you experience is from a safe distance, giving you the time and space to process this new thing, and preventing you from making silly mistakes. Inevitably, you’ll go through a stage of disappointment, because your eyes are not going to meet, and you are not going to end up as Mr. or Mrs. Shiny Star. That, too, is a learning experience – one that will hopefully go hand-in-hand with the realisation that a crush is just a crush – true love has different requirements; for example, actually being able to talk to someone.
There is a lot of talk these days about parasocial relationships, and whilst it’s good that these types of attachment are beginning to be recognised, the term often gets used inaccurately. Having an interest in some well-known figure, following their work and their social media accounts, and even thinking that they are attractive human beings is not a parasocial relationship – or at least not necessarily so. For a parasocial relationship to exist, some kind of connection must form in the mind of the person seeking out the celebrity – a sense that there’s a bond, a friendship; a belief that they know the celebrity, even if that celebrity is completely unaware of their existence.
With every bit of information learned, the perceived connection deepens. Images, gestures, outfits, words, all of it is interpreted to fit into the image the fan has built in their mind of their favourite actor/artist/athlete, and that imagined person may well be very different from the actual person. In fact, it’d probably be difficult for the reality to live up to the fantasy, because a fantasy figure can be flawless.
A parasocial relationship is not necessarily harmful. Whilst it is just a one-sided connection, it can be a source of comfort during difficult times, and even an inspiration that helps someone improve their life. Where it becomes more complicated is when people confuse the character with the actor. It is not uncommon for actors who play villains to receive terrible messages, and to even face abuse when they’re walking to the shop. There are also those who imagine themselves to be in a romantic relationship with the celebrity, and who send them some pretty creepy messages, or send abusive messages to the celebrity’s actual partner.
In these online days fans of one artist may pit themselves against fans of other artists. They’ll attack any journalist who gives their favourite artist a less-than-stellar review. There are kids who’ll do anything to get a message from their ‘idol’, let alone that intensely-coveted follow. They’ll justify to themselves anything the artist may rightfully be criticised about, and spend endless hours defending them… all for a person who may never even know their name.
It’s not just kids, either. Parasocial relationships can form at any age. And it’s not only standard celebrities who are on the receiving end; people can become overly invested in sports teams, or feel that they have a bond with vloggers, or Twitch streamers. On a platform like Twitch you can donate money, or purchase a subscription, and the streamer will thank you by name/handle, creating that illusion of friendship.
Rather than the brief infatuation that is the celebrity crush, a parasocial relationship can last for years. There are some artists – and I do not think that it is very commendable – who deliberately encourage the forming of such relationships. They’ll make their fans believe that they are friends, even family. That they’re all in this together. Such encouragement tends to inspire a deep devotion, and people forget that they’re interacting with a public persona – a brand – rather than the real person. This devotion leads them to spend – good for the brand, but not always good for the fan who probably doesn’t need multiple copies of each release.
I am thankfully free of parasocial relationships and celebrity crushes. That’s not to say that I don’t have fun with celebrity/sports culture, though, nor am I opposed to spending some money. I have a Lewis Hamilton calendar. It’s in its last month, sadly, and I don’t like the 2025 one. I have a couple of Game of Thrones -inspired prints. As with anything in life, it’s about finding that balance. Entertainment’s good, and can make a positive difference. We need to relax and take a break from the serious stuff going on in the world. It doesn’t do to grow too attached to people who do not know, nor care about us, though. They have their lives, and we have ours. Let us make the best of what we have.
Kitti the Red-Nosed Feline
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Drama: December 11, 2024 Issue [#12881]
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