This week: Stress-Free Holidays Edited by: Robert Waltz  
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A holiday is an opportunity to journey within. It is also a chance to chill, to relax. It is when I switch on my rest mode.
—Prabhas
Christmas is a holiday that persecutes the lonely, the frayed, and the rejected.
—Jimmy Cannon
Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.
—Dave Barry
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Just so you know, if you find yourself stressed out, like so many other people, around the holiday season, you brought it on yourself.
That stress is from expectations, see. Your own idealistic expectations, yes, but also your insistence on acknowledging those of others. Eliminate the expectations, and eliminate the stress. Poof. All gone! Relaxed now.
Right now you're like "But I gotta-"
Stop. Stop right there. You don't "gotta" do anything. Well, unless someone's going to die if you don't, and even then, it really depends on who the someone is.
Contemplate, and I mean really think about, what the result might be if you don't do this or that or the other thing in the lead-up to the December holidays. What's the worst that can happen? You disappoint a child? Well, you might call it "disappointment;" I call it "imparting a valuable life lesson."
You don't have to buy stuff. You just don't. It's not your responsibility to prop up the economy, especially if you have to go into debt to do it. Keep the money. Save it. Stash it away for civilization's inevitable collapse. You might not think money will be important then, but they won't be making more of it, so it will be valuable.
You don't have to decorate. I promise you, everyone around you knows what time of year it is, what holidays are coming up, and that the year's about to increment by 1.
You don't have to give anyone anything. There's enough stuff out there, stuff that'll eventually end up in a landfill or an ocean gyre; you don't need to add to it.
You don't have to travel. Air travel, especially, is horrid enough the rest of the year; throw in holiday crowds and weather uncertainty, and you have a recipe for high stress (pun intended). Just don't do it. We invented the internet for a reason. Well, that reason wasn't so you could facetime with Aunt Jules, but it lets you do that. (The internet was actually invented to facilitate US national defense, so think of it as turning swords into plows, if you buy into that whole "peace on earth" propaganda.)
You don't have to gorge yourself. You might think you do because of all the special treats unavailable at other times of year, but I promise you, they'll still be there after the holidays. Cheaper, too.
If doing any of these things stresses you out... just don't. You might think you're winning bragging rights over how stressed out and tired you are after flying around like a headless reindeer trying to please everyone and fulfill expectations, but you're not. You want to brag? Brag about how little stress you're under, and watch everyone around you seethe in jealousy.
They might even scratch you off their holiday gift-giving list. So, win-win all around. |
You don't have to read these, either. But you should.
| | Goutage [ASR] #1698648
A WDC friend and I somehow agreed that we would each write a poem about marriage and gout.
by Malister  |
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Last time, in "Artificial Idiocy" , I talked about AI.
oldgreywolf on wheels  : When we grow it, run it through a self-education program,and it makes respomses NOT based on existing propriatary databases, will it still be "artificial"?
If you want to get technical about it, nothing is artificial, and everything is natural. Because we're part of nature, anything we do is also part of nature. But that's too much Very Serious Philosophy for a Comedy newsletter.
oldgreywolf on wheels : Oh, and to answer your question: If your giving the dog a treat for the tricks, then (1) you're pleasing the dog; and (2) who has who trained?
That wasn't my question, but okay, more Very Serious Philosophy there.
Beholden  : Too close to the truth to be funny.
Nah, AI doesn't want to kill us. It just wants to take all our jobs.
Joy  : Funny! Great NL!
I don't use Ai but I think it uses me with the way it keeps changing my words in some places on the web. Not here in WdC, though. Thank God!
This is a problem for me since sometimes I write in another language or use a made-up word and it changes it to something else weird. I once watched one of my sons use it for an essay and I didn't like the stuffy, stiff language it used. But it was a free ai program. Probably, the paid ones may be better.
I finally convinced my artificially idiotic phone that it's (almost) never "ducking."
Soldier_Mike  : "I'm sorry, Dave, I'm afraid I can't do that." This reference generated a chuckle as, along with the name of your pet AI, it references the same movie that lends another famous line to two different movies. "Good morning, Dave" appears "as is" in Independence Day, and a variation, "Good morning Captain" shows up in Star Trek III: Search for Spock. I think back to the source film every time (as I'm laughing, of course).
Really, 2001: A Space Odyssey is one of the few movies that I consider required viewing for all humans.
So that's it for me for this year! See you in 2025. Until then, relax and...
LAUGH ON!!!
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Comedy: December 04, 2024 Issue [#12870]
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