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Printed from https://writing.com/main/newsletters/action/archives/id/12685-Foreign-Far-Out.html
Comedy: August 14, 2024 Issue [#12685]




 This week: Foreign, Far Out
  Edited by: Waltz Invictus Author IconMail Icon
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Table of Contents

1. About this Newsletter
2. A Word from our Sponsor
3. Letter from the Editor
4. Editor's Picks
5. A Word from Writing.Com
6. Ask & Answer
7. Removal instructions

About This Newsletter

The traveler sees what he sees. The tourist sees what he has come to see.
         —G.K. Chesterton

Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness, and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts. Broad, wholesome, charitable views of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth all one's lifetime.
         —Mark Twain

Wherever you go, you take yourself with you.
         —Neil Gaiman


Word from our sponsor

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Letter from the editor

In the process of planning for an upcoming trip, I've encountered a few scattered bits of travel advice. Being a generous person, I decided to share all of them with you readers. These are specifically for US travelers visiting other countries; if you live in one of these other countries, treat it as a guide for what to expect.

1. Speak English. Everyone knows English. Or, if they don't, they're pig-ignorant savages unworthy of communicating with you anyway. None of that accent stuff, either; I mean good ol' English invented in the USA.

2. Be as loud as possible. To get all the benefits you're entitled to, be sure to make lots of noise and complain about everything. It works great in the US; why not all over the world?

3. Insist on your rights as an American. The laws and customs of other countries don't apply to you.

4. Tip lavishly. It's the least you can do for those whose sole purpose in life is to serve you.

5. Point and laugh. Remember, the US is the pinnacle of civilization and culture. Everyone else only wishes they could have what we have. Their feeble attempts at things like art, music, and food preparation are quaint and silly, but you have to give them credit for trying.

6. Identify yourself. Whether it's by wearing a T-shirt featuring a bald eagle packing an AR-15, or perhaps the Stars and Stripes sewn across the ass of your pants, be sure to let everyone know, by some means, that you're a proud US citizen. That way, you'll be sure to get what you deserve.

7. Compare everything. I mean, sure, they have the Eiffel Tower, but we have the Washington Monument. They have the Taj Mahal, but that ain't nothin' compared to the glorious architecture of your local Wal-Mart. And there may be some other pretty sights, but do they compare to our World's Biggest Ball of String? Of course not.

8. Talk about politics. Everyone appreciates it when you give them helpful advice on how to run their countries the right way.

So that's it: How to be an American traveler in other countries. Helpful advice!


Editor's Picks

Some comedy for your entertainment:

 Mr. Adams Open in new Window. [E]
Lesson 5, Assignment 1: I don't know why I remember....
by Grin 'n Bear It! Author Icon


 
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Pests--405 words Open in new Window. [13+]
when you have bad neighbors written for the Writer's Cramp, human pests
by ridinghhood-p.boutilier Author Icon


 Test Question Open in new Window. [E]
Daily Flash Fiction 7/10/20 300 W/C
by QueenNormaJean snow finally!!! Author Icon


 
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What You Wish For Open in new Window. [13+]
A Writer's cramp short story about wishes made and tennis racquets broken.
by winklett Author Icon


 
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Set Chemistry Open in new Window. [E]
My nine year old gets a chemistry set.
by Jatog the Green Author Icon


 
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Identity Fray Open in new Window. [E]
Mistaken identities at the Halloween party.
by Don Two Author Icon


The Curse of the Nightmare Penguin Open in new Window. [13+]
If you don't believe in the nightmare penguin...it still believes in you.
by ⭐Princette♥PengthuluWrites Author Icon

 
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Word from Writing.Com

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Don't forget to support our sponsor!

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Ask & Answer

Last time, in "How To Win a Pun War" Open in new Window., I discussed the highest form of humor.


Fivesixer Author Icon: I always thought the best way to win a pun war was to not get involved.

         No, that's the way to automatically lose, just like you lose every race you don't run.


And that's it for me for August! See you next month. Until then,

LAUGH ON!!!



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