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Printed from https://writing.com/main/newsletters/action/archives/id/12265-Buncha-Turkeys.html
Comedy: November 08, 2023 Issue [#12265]




 This week: Buncha Turkeys
  Edited by: Waltz Invictus Author IconMail Icon
                             More Newsletters By This Editor  Open in new Window.

Table of Contents

1. About this Newsletter
2. A Word from our Sponsor
3. Letter from the Editor
4. Editor's Picks
5. A Word from Writing.Com
6. Ask & Answer
7. Removal instructions

About This Newsletter

Thanksgiving, man. Not a good day to be my pants.
         —Kevin James

An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day.
         —Irv Kupcinet

Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie.
         —Jim Davis



Word from our sponsor

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Letter from the editor

Thanksgiving is coming up fast here in the US, so I thought I'd put together a helpful guide for getting together with family on this annual holiday:

1. Don't.

It's way more stress than it's worth, and in another month, you're just going to have to go through it all over again, albeit with worse weather. Why subject yourself to idiotic political views, chaos, probably travel, incompatible dietary requirements, blatant sexism, and your drunk uncle?

I say this as a drunk uncle.

"But it's family!" Would you still hang out with them if they weren't?

"It's a tradition!" Long ago, a bunch of refugees fled religious persecution in their country so they could impose some of their own.

"I just like turkey." This may come as a shock, but turkey is available all year. And if you make it yourself, you don't even have to endure the disapproving glare of your vegan niece. Better yet, get the pre-made kind.

And that's all assuming you're a guest. If you're the host, woe be unto you, because you get all the above problems, minus the travel but adding shopping, cooking, catering to the incompatible dietary requirements, and cleaning.

Then someone makes a gentle comment about how something or another is too dry, too salty, too bland, or whatever, and you lose your mind because you're obviously a complete failure.

No, better to stay out of it entirely. If you don't want to roast your own turkey (and I don't blame you; doing it right requires work and careful monitoring), buy some from the grocery store. While you're there, pick up the sides you like, not the ones that are too salty or too bland or whatever. Also be sure to obtain plenty of your favorite libation.

After all, you're not drinking alone. You have a turkey for company. But not nearly as big a turkey as your drunk uncle.


Editor's Picks

You should also read lots of comedy. Here are some examples:

Image Protector
The Chef Limerick Open in new Window. [E]
There once was a chef from Helsinki...
by ๐ŸŽ„pwheeler joy to the world Author Icon


 Yet Another Movie Award Show Open in new Window. [E]
Aren’t there already enough of those cheesy award shows on TV? Apparently not.
by Desert Bear Author Icon


 The Man We Loved To Hate. Open in new Window. [13+]
How is a Mallu (dim. for native of Kerala) like a millipede?
by Just an Ordinary Boo! Author Icon


 Lagoon of Good Intentions Open in new Window. [18+]
Bad poem of bad metaphors. Help me!
by Katya the Poet Author Icon


Baseball Fields Forever Open in new Window. [E]
Those grassless ballfields in the city.
by RadioShea Author Icon


 
Image Protector
Charming Solutions Open in new Window. [ASR]
A warlock comes up with five magic spells.
by Don Two Author Icon


 The Battle of Marriage Open in new Window. [E]
A humorous look at a common marital happening.
by Magoo Author Icon


Submitted by author:
 
Image Protector
The Waiting Game Open in new Window. [13+]
Mom knows best ... A Comedy Club Entry
by ๐ŸŒ– HuntersMoon Author Icon

 
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Word from Writing.Com

Have an opinion on what you've read here today? Then send the Editor feedback! Find an item that you think would be perfect for showcasing here? Submit it for consideration in the newsletter!
         https://www.Writing.Com/go/nl_form

Don't forget to support our sponsor!

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Ask & Answer

Last time, in "SorryOpen in new Window., I talked about offensive jokes and whether or not (and how) to apologize.

๐ŸŒ– HuntersMoon Author Icon: Hmmm. You know, I can't remember the last time I was offended by a joke. I try to find humor in everything so even serious stuff will get a laugh out of me. *Laugh* The answer to "Why? Were you driving it?" is "No, she was behind the wheel." Hell, if you're going to offend them, make it good! *Rolling*

         It is possible, though not very easy, to offend me. I won't make it easier by explaining exactly how.


Elfin Dragon-finally published Author Icon: OH, MAN!! You're thinking like me. LOL! Whenever someone says "Sorry" to something I say, I often tell them - "Why? It's not your fault." The looks I get are often hilarious.

         Yeah, I got tired of hearing that, so instead of saying "Sorry," I default to something like "My sympathies."


And a delayed comment from my February 1 newsletter, "Groundhoggin'Open in new Window....

Elfin Dragon-finally published Author Icon: I love "Groundhog Day"! *Smile* I also think it was the movie to generate a whole host of other like films.

         I'm obliged to point out that an episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation that aired the year before GHD was released featured a time loop episode.


So that's it for me for November! See you next month. Until then,

LAUGH ON!!!



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